How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The
by Crystyna
Summary: How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister WillOC. Elizabeth and her twin have been competing all their life, but when Elizabeth is captured, her sister joins up with Will and Jack to save her. COMPLETE.
1. The Perks of Being a Wall Weed

Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable from Pirates of the Caribbean, most unfortunately. All I've got is the storyline to the sequel of this fiction.

A/N: 08/12/05 I've got an editing agenda. I'm unhappy with the beginnings of all my stories and I'm going to bring things up to par. I've also been reading out the classics section of the library, beginning with Gone With the Wind, and have decided that if I want to be a writer, I've got to learn how to improve my work. So, here goes.

I desperately want to change Christina's name, but it's stuck. So, next time I write a story, the main female character is definitely going to have a name that is _not_ mine. I've grown out of self-insertion fics. On the bright side, there are far too few fics with a main character called "Christina," so I'm doing right by the million-and-a-half _real _Christina's in the world.

1.

I awoke to another day with my dear sister Elizabeth. Well, I woke up early, again, but she was still sleeping like the little pampered princess she was. More like a queen than anything these days, and nearly as insufferable as one too. Leaving me to muse, yet again, about how much I swore I was adopted.

It made sense when you thought about it, I mean just _look_ at Elizabeth, and then look at me. Complete opposites. Elizabeth, the beautiful, perfect, proper young lady had curly blonde hair and fair skin and full pink lips and big doe-eyes and looks every bit the porcelain doll she is. She sleeps properly, on her back or on her side, her hair perfect and her skin without a blemish.

I think she's a witch.

Meanwhile, I, the most-likely-adopted daughter, have dark brown hair and olive skin, a rather large nose and pale lips and light brown eyes that are almost owl yellow. I tan far too easily for someone who isn't a native of Port Royal. I sleep sprawled across the bed on my stomach. People say that to sleep on your stomach is to tempt the devil. I say that tempting the devil is more comfortable than resisting him. When I turn pale, it is not the china-white that Elizabeth has been blessed with. No, when I lose color from my face, it turns a sickly looking yellow, as if I'm about to discard propriety entirely and vomit in public.

Oh, I don't know if I'm _ugly_. But I'm not pretty. Not in the way that all the rich idiots of this place think beauty is.

Elizabeth got all the beautiful features from our mother, who ran off with a pirate nearly ten years ago and hasn't been heard from since. I suppose I got the leftovers from Father, assuming that his hair color was once as dark as mine. One never knows, and in all my twenty years I have never seen him without a weave. Perhaps he doesn't have hair. And as for olive skin and light brown eyes, who knows? Maybe Father had a roll in the hay with a village wench and she dropped me off on his door. Maybe that's why mother ran off, but then seeing as what my father looked like, a pirate would be better. My father has no spine, which is why he was made governor.

Oh I suppose he's not all that bad, as far as being a father goes. He does dote on me a bit, whenever Elizabeth doesn't take up all the space in the room, which is rare but not impossible. Sometimes I think I'd be better off as a maid in this house that way I would not have old, balding-under-that-ugly-weave, elderly-chap-looking-for-a-few-last-kicks suitors, who are really eyeing Elizabeth over my shoulder as they danced with me at a party of some sort. That way I could court all the village boys who are brown from the sun and have calloused hands and don't consider lifting gold spoons to their lips a full days' work. 'Cause the village boys like me. I am pretty much one of their kind, except dressed up in lace and frills and jewelry. Or perhaps they just want a governor's daughter, and they know Elizabeth is out of their league.

Anyway, that was how I spent every morning, trying to go through all the village women and wenches in my mind and figure out which one is my biological mother. I am the black sheep of the Swann family, if you haven't already surmised as much.

My mother, before she left, used to call my sister an I Swan White and Raven Dark…needless to say which daughter was which. My mother had a strange sense of humor. Swans are elegant, beautiful birds that are known for their nasty temper. Ravens are the carrions of death and disease, scavengers, and yet in the stories that my mother used to tell us before bedtime, they are very wise. No matter, Elizabeth is waking up. The poor child must have had a nightmare, she never wakes up so fast. Excuse me if I don't really care…She must think I'm still asleep, she's looking for something in her night table. Probably something she nicked from a servant or what have you. You'd think with all she has, she'd be satisfied.

Elizabeth and I are twins, and I'm older by a minute and a half. Yes, she practically shoved me out of my mother, assuming, of course, that we share the same mother. Elizabeth never waited for anyone when she had somewhere to be.

"Elizabeth? Christina?" my father said, calling through the door. Elizabeth jumped and scrambled to put on her robe and hide whatever it was she had taken. I caught a glimpse of it, it looked like a medallion of some sort…it looked familiar, and I could swear I'd seen it before.

"Elizabeth, are you awake? Are you decent?" my father called again. "Yes! Yes!" Elizabeth cried, not sounding _entirely_ proper, if you ask me, straightening her robe and folding her hands together just as soon as he walked in, seeming as if she had been standing there all along. She was skilled at the very stupidest, most useless things.

"Are you still in bed at this hour? It's a beautiful day. I have a gift for you," my father said with a smile and very little ceremony, barely sparing a glance for me. I was so used to this that it hardly bothered me anymore. It was something that I quickly grew accustomed to, after Mother went away. Elizabeth returned his smile with an innocent grin of her own. How in the name of sea shells did her hair end up so perfect? She must be a witch. I tried in vain to pat my hair into some semblance of order, to no avail. It may not bother me that my father clearly prefers Elizabeth to myself, but that didn't stop me from wanting to appear at least a little less of a ruffian that I already am. Perhaps, in the few and far between moments that he did take notice of me, it would be to say something other than what I knew surely must be coming.

"And you, Christina, wake up now you lazy girl! What man would want you for a wife if you do not wake up to carry out your household duties?" my father scolded. I rolled my eyes, "I've _been_ awake, Father, I just didn't want to wake Elizabeth by opening the drapes!" I said, and was thoroughly ignored. The maid (and secretly, my best friend) Mary, bustled about opening the drapes. I think I knew what it was to be ignored more than she did. I would make the perfect maid.

"Elizabeth, I have a surprise for you," Father said, handing her a box with a ribbon. Oh, goody, a dress for Elizabeth! _Another_ dress for Elizabeth…just like the dress yesterday…and the day before that…

"Oh, its beautiful," she breathed, caressing the fabric a bit with a gleam in her eyes. It was a creamy color that would surely enhance Elizabeth's coloring just like every other color that the Good Lord had seen fit to create. There was a tiny pattern of roses and green vines embroidered delicately in the highly expensive fabric, covering it entirely except for the narrow strip in front. In the front their was a square pattern cut out, with lace holdings on either side. It would be fastened up the front, allowing the simple but pretty corset to show from underneath, laced up tightly in the back. A pair of white satin laces were tied in bows atop the folded dress, and these would be tied for decoration in the front. Talk about obsessive: Elizabeth was feasting her eyes on the dress as if she'd walked about naked and shivering her whole life; to me, it was just a dress. A very pretty dress. "Isn't it?" my father asked, pleased with his stroke of genius. Who would have thought to buy Elizabeth a dress? Good Heavens, the idea never would have crossed _my_ mind. "My I inquire as to the occasion?" Elizabeth asked.

"Don't you know, Lizzy? You scratched your nose today! 'Tis cause for celebration!" I said sarcastically, tripping on the bed sheets as I got out of bed. Did I mention that Elizabeth got the grace in the family as well? The only thing I suspect she didn't get was a brain, the poor girl wasn't very smart.

Elizabeth glared at me, "You know I hate that nick name, Christina," she sniffed. I shrugged. My father glared at me as well, looking a bit like a prune. I had to stifle a smile, at least Elizabeth got his glare…

"Does a father need an occasion to dote upon his daughter?" my father said, smiling. Elizabeth returned his smile, looking rather smugly at me. I raised an eyebrow. Did she honestly think I cared that she got a bloody dress? Oh yes, the child was rather slow…

"Well go ahead, Elizabeth, try it on. We're all anxious to see how stunning you'll look," I said. She looked at me, surprised. Obviously, if I complimented her, she didn't hear the sarcasm. She turned and flounced to behind the screen to try on the dress. Mary and another maid, a new girl whose name I didn't yet know, went to assist her. I began to make my bed, but I wasn't very good at it as a pulled the heavy blanket up pathetically. Unlike Elizabeth, who didn't move at all when she slept thereby making it very easy for the maids to make the bed, I had once again tossed and turned all night.

"Leave that, Christina dear, that's why we have maids," my father said gently, gesturing for me to walk to him. I did, and he pulled out a box from behind his back. "What's this?" I asked bluntly. The box looked suspiciously like Elizabeth's. A gift? For me? Was the sky falling?

"It's a gift, silly, what does it look like?" my father said kindly. A sudden rush of affection for the old fool flooded through me. Perhaps I wasn't as overlooked as I had thought. I felt tears pricking behind my eyes and I yawned widely, to cover up. My father would be pleased if I had started to cry. It would be very ladylike to weep with joy at being presented with a dress. According to my father, emotion frailty was coveted by men in their women. Blast if I could even begin to fathom those things that men call their minds.

"Sorry, father, I'm just still a bit asleep. Thank you, you shouldn't have," I said. He kissed my forehead, a strange display of affection usually saved for only Elizabeth. "I know sometimes I don't pay as much attention to you as I should, and you feel a bit neglected," he said quietly. I could hear Elizabeth gasping, I guess the corset didn't agree with her. Or perhaps she was just trying for attention again.

"Oh, no, Father, I never feel neglected. You are a terrific father," I said, desperate to get out of this father-daughter bonding moment. For the ten years that my mother had been away, there had been no bonding. My mother was the only one who paid more attention to me than Elizabeth. I think I actually got along with my sister while Mother was here.

My father smiled, obviously pleased that I thought he was a fine father. "Right, well, I promise from now on to be more fair with you and your sister," he said. Right…well Elizabeth did get her brain from him, what was I to expect? I'd like to see how long this proposal lasted. "Try on the dress, dear, I want to see how you look," he said. I walked to join my sister behind the screen, shedding my nightgown and turning helplessly to Mary.

"Oh, honestly, Miss Swann, you've been in enough dresses to know what to expect. Hands up, now, Miss, or hold onto the edge of the screen while I lace you up," Mary said, clucking her tongue at me. I sucked in a breath in preparation for the physical torment that was about to commence. 

"I uh…had hoped you both would wear them to the ceremony today," my father said, once we were both behind the screen. "The ceremony?" my sister and I asked. Oh, bother, we had spoken the same words at the same time. I wondered if I was becoming a simpleton, or perhaps she was getting smart. "Captain Norrington's promotion ceremony," my father explained.

"Oh, how exciting. And he requests our presence?" I said dryly, knowing full well it was Elizabeth the Captain wanted to see. Elizabeth rolled her eyes, "I knew it!" she hissed. "Commodore Norrington, as he's about to become! Fine gentleman. He fancies you, Elizabeth" my father said. "Oh, fancy that?" I said sarcastically. "The man is old enough to be my father…" Elizabeth muttered, and I felt strangely bad for her. Norrington was a dry old prat with no sense of humor. He was nearly as self-centered as Elizabeth was. It was a perfect match.

"How is it coming?" my father asked tentatively, referring to the dresses. "It's difficult to say," Elizabeth wheezed. "I told they are the latest fashion in London," my father remarked. "Well, women in London must have learned not to breathe," Elizabeth complained. Elizabeth, being the thinner, was still able to speak even with her corset one. I, however, found that speaking was quite beyond me. I was far too focused on not dying to even attempt to speak.

Mary and the new girl, whose name was Linda, were done with Elizabeth, who of course looked stunning in her new dress. I hadn't expected anything less, hadn't even hoped for it. "Not so tight, please, ladies…I'm not that thin," I gasped, as the metal of the corset dug into my flesh through my bodice. Mary smiled, "I'm sorry, Miss," she said, but didn't make it any looser. Damn the style in London. We weren't _in_ bloody London…

When the dress was finally on, and it was beautiful in pale and dark greens and beige with gold trimmings, I stepped out from behind the screen. It was cut very much in the style of Elizabeth's but my sleeves did not come to just under my elbows. Instead, they ended just below the shoulder and the outfit came with tiny gloves, matching the palest green of the dress and ruffled with lace. There was lace also on the neckline of the dress, hiding the fact that it was off the shoulder. The lace was up to my chin, or near enough to it, and uncomfortably itchy. If there was one area in which I trumped Elizabeth, it was the bosomy area. I was considerable fuller on top than my sister, although that may be because I've got some solidity to me, unlike the willowy Elizabeth. She despised this fact, urging Linda to lace her tighter to enhance whatever chest she did posses. My father was also aware of the difference in his two daughters bodies, and I keenly suspected that that was the reason behind this infernal lace.

"Christina, you look absolutely lovely," my father said, approval actually in his eyes. Now that was new. Elizabeth frowned.

"Father, might I have a word with you?" she asked pointedly, glancing at me. I took the hint, but wouldn't leave until Father told me to. "Christina, darling, would you be so kind as to go downstairs? I'm expecting a visitor and he shall need to feel welcomed," my father said. Welcomed my corset, we had a butler for that, and he just wanted me out of the room. So much for not neglecting me. Oh well, any company would be better than Elizabeth and her griping.


	2. Port Royal's Newest Arrival

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

I walked down the stairs, curious despite myself at who this visitor would be so early in the morning. Then I reminded myself that it was nearly noon, and Queen Elizabeth had once again slept late. I stood on the landing and looked down, surprised at who was in the atrium of my father's mansion.

He raised a hand to touch one of the candles fixtures on the wall. One of the candles snapped off from the arm that held it with a loud _clang_. I suppressed a smile and made my way quietly down the stairs. I was very good at being quiet. It came along with being ignored.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Turner," I said, and he spun around and hid the broken piece of the fixture behind his back. I raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry about the candle. Here, give it to me," I said. He sheepishly gave handed it to me. I walked to the door and stepped out, dropping it behind the shrubs that decorated the front of the mansion. "There! No harm done, right Will?" I asked, smiling. He smiled back, and I tried to ignore how seeing his lips lift slightly made my heart beat quicken.

Will and I had been friends since we were twelve, when Elizabeth and I had spotted him on a piece of driftwood on the crossing from England. Back then, Elizabeth and I shared a bit more in common, like our fascination with pirates and our fondness of the strange young boy who had found his way onto our ship. I don't know if we still shared those mutual interests. Elizabeth had taken to fantasizing about a roguish pirate who would sweep her off her tiny little feet. I had opted to study all I could about pirates, and maybe even become one. Or at least to learn how to fight as one. And so while Elizabeth stayed in the house all these years as to not burn her ivory skin, I snuck out each day disguised as a maid of some sort and made my way to the Blacksmith Brown's shop and Will Turner taught me how to fight. More often than not, Mr. Brown was passed out drunk, and Will had to teach himself the art of forging weapons.

I might as well have been invisible, given how my father noticed I was gone.

However, while I _was_ around, and when he _did_ by the slim chance notice me, he would notice _everything_ about me, and so when I came home with calluses on my palms from the pommel of the practice blade, he noticed and I had to be a good deal more careful from then on. Mary, who was my best (and only) friend besides Will, knew what I was up to, but she swore not to tell.

Will was not supposed to make my heart flutter or my face flush or my breath come in shallow gasps, that was something Elizabeth would succumb to. I wasn't supposed to want to touch his dark curly hair and smooth it back from where it rebelliously stuck out of his ponytail. His lips weren't supposed to distract me when he spoke to me; I wasn't supposed to lose my train of thought in the middle of a sentence. But recently our lessons had been harder and harder to last through, the way he would get all sweaty and his shirt would be half undone…I shook my head and pushed those thoughts away. I didn't care if they were not proper, but I did care that they might hurt me. Especially as soon as Will saw Elizabeth today.

"What brings you to my humble home, Mr. Turner?" I asked, teasing him. Although Elizabeth was generally more skilled than I in the area of courting, I knew how to send a coquettish glance or two in Will's direction. I might have danced around naked in front of him and he would hardly have noticed, however. His every thought - the ones not reserved for how to make lighter-weight, more deadly weapons, anyway - was reserved for my sister. In the four years since I'd taken an active interest in Will Turner, I had grow reluctantly accustomed to this fact. Indeed, if he had been more well-born, he and Elizabeth would have been married already, and expecting a child.

Will chuckled, "Your father had placed an order for a sword to be fashioned for the new Commodore," he said. "How fascinating," I said dryly. He frowned, a bit offended. I should have known that he would take offence when I wasn't thrilled about this new sword.

"Oh, the sword is interesting enough," I said hastily, "but I have heard far too much of our Commodore Norrington, and even his name bores me to tears, although Elizabeth might protest," I said. Will laughed, and reached to brush a lock of hair from my face, but dropped his hand suddenly and his eyes ticked up to the stairs. My stupid father and idiot sister must have arrived to ruin the moment.

"Ah, Mr. Turner, it is good to see you again," my father said a bit sharply, and I took that as my cue to step away from Will. Damn. No, not damn, I reminded myself…I sighed a bit and when to stand by the most charming creature ever to walk the earth…the statue that was beside my sister.

"Good day, sir." Will said politely. I almost smiled, thinking of how handsome he was when he was polite. Well, I thought he was handsome in nearly everything he did. I quickly stomped that thought and Elizabeth looked at me smugly. I amused myself by thinking of tearing her eyes out. She looked a bit startled when I smiled back. Perhaps I looked a bit mad…

"I have your order," Will said, opening the case that he brought with him and handed a very handsome sword to my father. "The blade is folded steel, that's gold filigree inlaid into the handle. If I may?" he took the sword gently from my father, and "Perfectly balanced. The tang is nearly the full width of the blade," he said, quickly demonstrating by twirling it around a bit. My breath caught, if he was clumsy with all else, he was quite graceful with a sword, as if it was an extension of his body. Elizabeth clucked her tongue at me, and annoyingly superior look in her eyes. I ignored her: I had scratched her eyes out earlier, remember?

"Impressive, very impressive. Ah, now, Commodore Norrington is going to be very pleased with this. Do pass my compliments on to your Master," my father said. He was so irritatingly thick. I snorted and was once again thoroughly ignored by everyone, except Will who winked at me over my father's shoulder. Daring…had my father noticed (which he didn't, the stupid old bloke) he would have had Will's eye for that.

"I shall. A craftsman is always pleased to hear his work is appreciated," Will said. I smiled. Elizabeth cleared her throat daintily. Perhaps I should have torn her throat out instead. "Ah, yes, Elizabeth, you look absolutely stunning, does she not?" my father said. Will said nothing, only stared. I suddenly found the ceiling ever so mesmerizing. As much as I was used to Will's constant fawning over my sister, it was no less antagonizing to have to bear witness to it. I chewed the inside of my cheek impatiently; even the Commodore's promotion ceremony would be preferable to having to stand here watching Will's eyes roll out of his head and Elizabeth preening in all her perfect glory.

"Will! It's so good to see you! I had a dream about you last night!" Elizabeth gushed in all her prettiness. "About me?" Will asked hopefully. Oh yes, her throat was_ definitely_ what I should have torn out.

"Elizabeth, is that entirely proper for you to…" my father began, as I clucked my tongue. If I had ever dared to be so forward with a man, Father surely would have taken a strap to me. All my sister got was a meek little attempt at a reproach.

"About the day we met, do you remember?" she said, ignoring my father. I couldn't help it, I looked right at Will. He was as avid as a dog staring at a piece of meat. Perhaps I should have torn out his eyes as well. Elizabeth would have to go, she was making me volatile.

"How could I forget, Miss Swann?" Will asked. Aha! He calls her 'Miss Swann,' and not Elizabeth! A shilling to me, I win! "Will, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?" my evil step-adopted-not-related -to-me twin sister said warmly. The coquettish gleam in her eye was twenty-fold whatever my attempts at flirtation had been. Had Will been less of a gentleman - indeed, more like the men Elizabeth and I were accustomed to, who were gentlemen in name and name only - he would have taken the bait. Will looked cautiously at my father before answering.

"At least once more, Miss Swann, as always," he said. He called her Miss Swann with more reverence than he called me Christina. Suddenly I was desperate for him to call me Miss Swann.

"There, see, at least the boy has a sense of propriety. Now, we really must be going," my father said shortly. Elizabeth bristled, and I could tell by the hurt look in Will's eyes that she'd fixed him with an icy stare. "Good day, Mr. Turner," she said coldly. She was a moody little wretch, now wasn't she? She and my father hurried out. I followed slowly. "Come along," my father said as he seemed to waddle out the door.

"It's a beautiful sword," I said to him gently, turning and following my adopted family. If I wasn't adopted, then I should have to disown myself from these intolerable people. Or at least from my horrid sister.

I wasn't lucky enough to be out of earshot before I heard Will mutter, "Good day…Elizabeth,"


	3. A Second Swashbuckling Hero

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

What a boring ceremony. It wasn't even a ceremony, really. Just a few stupid looking military men in stupid red jackets marching around with stupid rifles that had stupid machetes attached to them. Oh, the thrill. They made a tunnel like formation for the new Commodore to walk through. If you ask me, they should have shot him and then shot each other. That would have been a bit more entertaining, and Elizabeth would have fainted, if she had not already managed to do so. She was quite the nuisance with her little whimpers and gasps of pain because of the corset.

Me, being the older, wiser, and more mature one (by a minute anyway), did not show my pain and incredible discomfort in such childlike ways. "Bloody corset, bloody London fashion…" I muttered, getting a few odd looks from the spectators, and a cold glare from my father. Good God, these people were uptight. It's not like anything special was happening.

"May I have a moment?" Commodore Norrington asked, holding out his arm to Elizabeth. "Oh, yes Commodore, don't mind me, I don't mind at all," I muttered. The prick. And my prissy sister. I hoped they got married, perhaps they'd bore each other to death, but I dreaded to think of what their children would look like, let alone act like. And if they ended up killing each other, _I'd_ have to raise the orphaned monsters. My father had wandered off to do whatever dizzy Governors do, perhaps to mingle with the new soldiers. I was left alone. Again. And so I decided to walk over to my dear sister and make sure the Commodore was not being too bold.

Not that _I _particularly cared.

"You look lovely, Elizabeth . I apologize if I seem forward but I…must speak my mind. This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved – a marriage to a fine woman. You have become a fine woman, Elizabeth," the good Commodore was saying. I tried so very hard _not_ to snort or snicker or do anything unladylike, but it was so very difficult. Was he referring to her personality? Because in that case he was sorely mistaken. She might be pretty, but she was far from a 'fine woman', whatever that meant. And Commodore Norrington didn't strike me as a very good judge of character, either.

Elizabeth looked as if she were going to have a seizure at any moment, or perhaps vomit, fanning herself rapidly and clutching her heart as if it would pop out of her chest. I didn't know which I hoped she'd do more, although all would be highly amusing.

"I can't breath," she choked out. "Yes, I'm a bit nervous myself," the Commodore agreed. He obviously thought that the poor chit's heart was racing, just because she had figured out he was going to propose. Sorry, Commodore dear, but it isn't you that has her breathless, it's the bloody fashion in London that doesn't agree with her. The Commodore looked pleased and eager, however. Evidently my sister's imminent suffocation was being taken as a good sign.

Good Lord, were all the men in Port Royal complete morons?  


No, Will wasn't a moron. But if he fancied Elizabeth for something other than her looks, the poor boy might just be mental. I looked up again in time to see Elizabeth tumble over the edge of the wall and down to the rocks and the ocean below.

"Elizabeth!" I shrieked, hurling myself at the wall. What can I say, its Older Sibling Syndrome: the need to protect one's younger sister, no matter how infuriating she is. The Commodore was also yelling, but luckily had the sense, or the stupidity - I couldn't decide which - to grab me around the waist to keep me from tumbling in after her.

"You stupid worthless git, get your hands off me! ELIZABETH!" I screamed, wrestling as hard as I could. No use, the old scoundrel was too strong. Weren't old folks supposed to be frail?

"The rocks, Commodore, it's a miracle she missed them!" said one of the soldiers, most likely a First Mate or something, as Norrington made to climb over the wall. He climbed back and walked over to me and my father. "You coward, you'll just let her die then?" I spat. He was pale and shaking, and through it all my father managed to scold me, "Christina, you shall not talk that way to the Commodore," he said. I growled at them both, but my eyes widened as I saw two dark shapes emerge from the water.

"Look! Oh, look, someone's saved her!" I said, and we ran down to the docks. I was the first to reach my sister, despite my heavy dress. Men were so pathetic.

"Not breathing!" another soldier said, kneeling near my sister and looking pathetically helpless. "Move," the new man said roughly, decidedly _not_ helpless, and cut open her corset. Elizabeth spit up water very attractively (Not. Not even Elizabeth could belch sea water and make it look attractive, although I'm quite sure no one expected her to. Except me.)

"Never would have thought of that," another soldier said in awe. "Clearly you've never been to Singapore," the man said, all wet and hero-looking. He looked like a rogue, with dark kohl under his eyes, sun burnt brown skin and long hair that shocked me because it wasn't a powdered white wig. And there were beads in his hair! He looked thrillingly exotic. I really need to stop these thoughts.

"On your feet," the Commodore said, but I was not quite sure if he'd said it to Elizabeth or to her savior, who was looking more and more like a pirate by the second. Needless to say, I was captivated by this man.  


"Elizabeth! Are you alright?" my father asked, hastily taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her see-through bodice. He glared at the soldier who held her corset, and the soldier tossed the corset away and pointed to the man who had saved my sister. I scowled. Elizabeth certainly gets all the luck - having her corset torn apart by a dashingly handsome rogue who just also happened to save her life. It was the stuff of fairytales. At least, it was the stuff of the fairytales my mother used to tell us.

"Bloody hell, Elizabeth," I said, earning yet another glare from my father, "You scared me half to death, are you quite sure you're alright?" I said, putting an arm around her shoulder. My father smiled.

"Yes, I'm fine," she said, looking a bit shocked but happy that I had seemed so worried.

"Shoot him," my father said tightly, pointing at the man.

"What?" I gasped, and Elizabeth said, "Father! Commodore, do you really intend to kill my rescuer?" The Commodore sighed, "I believe thanks are in order," he said. He held out his hand, suspicion obvious in his face. As discreetly as I could, I gestured for the man _not_ to shake the Commodore's hand. I drew a finger across my neck, as if slitting my throat. It was the universal sign for _you do that and you're dead…_Obviously not as universal as one would have thought.

The man, even he ignored me, paused a bit before shaking the Commodore's hand. Commodore Norrington roughly pulled up the man's sleeve, revealing a brand of a "P." I winced: it looked painful.

"Had a brush with the East India Trading company, did we, _pirate_?" the Commodore spat. "I _knew_ it!" I said triumphantly and my sister pursed her lips.

"Hang him," my father said stiffly. "No!" I gasped, without an idea as to why. Oh bugger, why did everyone always glare at me like that?

"Keep your guns on him, men. Gillette, fetch some irons," our _esteemed_ Commodore said curtly, pushing up the pirate's sleeve more. "Well, well… Jack Sparrow , isn't it?"

"_Captain_ Jack Sparrow, if you please, sir," Captain Jack said. I laughed a little, getting glared at _again._ Damn all these people. Captain Jack grinned at me and I couldn't help but smile back. A _real_ pirate.

"I don't see your ship…Captain," Norrington said snootily. If he pranced around a bit and wore pink, he could be a pixie.

"I'm in the market, as if were," Captain Jack said, a fake smile plastered on his face.

"He said he'd come to commandeer one!" idiot soldier number one said.

"Told you 'e was telling the truth. These are his sir," idiot soldier number two said, handing the Commodore Captain Jack's effects. The Commodore raised an eyebrow, "No additional shots nor powder. A compass that doesn't point north. And I half expected it to be made of wood," he said of the sword. "You are, without doubt, the _worst _pirate I've ever heard of," he said. I bit my lip.

"Ah, but you have heard of me," Jack said. I smiled again, this pirate knew he was doomed to the gallows and yet he could crack a joke. How…peculiar.

"Commodore, I really must protest, pirate or not this man saved my life." Elizabeth said, as if it would help. Perhaps I should teach her how to accept being ignored. "One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness," the Commodore patiently explained. "But it is enough to condemn it," Jack said darkly, as his hands were bound in irons.

"Indeed. Lieutenant," the Commodore called, leaving Captain Sparrow, for the moment, unguarded as he turned away. "Finally," Jack muttered, throwing the chain around Elizabeth's pretty little neck. Her eyes widened and she gasped. The idiot soldiers aimed their guns. "Don't shoot!" my father shouted.

"I knew you'd warm up to me. Commodore Norrington, my effects, please, and my hat. Commodore!" the pirate warned, and I was torn between wanting him to get away, and wanting my sister to be safe.

"Elizabeth, isn't it?" he asked. "Its Miss Swann," she said tightly. Good Lord, she was picky.

"Miss Swann, if you'd be so kind. Come, come, dear, we don't have all day. Now if you'd be very kind," he said, grinning a bit as she put on his belt. Oh, yes, she certainly does get all the luck.

"Easy on the goods, love," he said. I giggled shrilly, it really was quite funny how crude this man could be. "You are despicable," my sister spat. I'm sure she wouldn't have said that if it were Will Turner's belt she were putting on…or taking off for that matter. But then, nor would I, although this pirate wasn't half so bad as the fuss that Elizabeth was making... I kicked that thought hastily aside, but not before my cheeks could flush. Hormones on parade.

"Sticks and stones, love. I saved your life, you saved mine, we're square. Gentlemen, ladies," he said, nodding at me. I looked down hastily as my father glared at me. I was biting the inside of me cheeks to keep from smiling. "You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught _Captain_ Jack Sparrow!" he said, pushing Elizabeth into me, and me into the soldiers. I must admit that I fell rather willingly, so the soldiers would take longer to gather themselves together. Poor excuses for soldiers, they tumbled into the bay as something large crashed into the dock and tore a hole through it. I was too busy staring at the pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow, with avid fascination, to notice what had fallen. And then he was gone, grabbing a rope and swinging up somewhere to get away.

"Now will you shoot him?" my father yelled angrily. Oh yes, what fun it must be to be a pirate.


	4. Bootstrap and Sparrow

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

1.

And the chase was on: Port Royal's finest chasing after a dashing rogue known as _Captain _(we mustn't forget that he's Captain) Jack Sparrow. My father took Elizabeth by the hand and made to lead us back to the mansion, where Elizabeth could put some proper clothes on and I would be kept far from the excitement. I, of course, had no intention of following. And seeing as how my father wasn't paying attention to me anyway, I slipped away.

Literally.

There must have been some donkey dung on the floor of something because one moment I was following my father and sister, and the next I was staring at my feet which were oddly right up against the sky. And then a sharp pain in my rear kindly informed me that I had fallen.

I picked myself up carefully and ducked into an ally as more of our intelligent soldiers ran by. When they left I stepped out and walked past a large statue. Glancing at it quickly, I walked by but stopped. Something was strange…

A sword was poking out from the gull-dropping ridden statue. I smiled, "Ah, Captain Sparrow, how nice to see you again," I said quietly, leaning into the statue as if I was examining it. Wasn't quite a good cover-up, because nobody looks at the statues anymore, nor do I think they ever did.

"Look, Miss Swann, ye really are lovely to look upon, but if ye don't move I wont have any option but to gut ye like a flounder," he said. I snorted, lovely to look upon was I? I wasn't about to disagree, but by Mr. Sparrow's appearance and stature, I guess that he was drunk. Or perhaps a bit queer. I shrugged.

"And ye don't want that do ye, Miss Swann? No doubt ye've got some rich suitor all ready to propose…" Captain Sparrow continued. I scowled, "I believe you have me confused with my sister, Captain. Or can you not see from behind that statue?" I snapped.

"Come along, I have no intent to call the soldiers. It would be of no profit to me," I said, stepping away. It wouldn't be any profit to me at all. Captain Jack Sparrow, pirate or not, had saved my sister's life when he could have let her drown. Now, the entire Royal Navy stationed at Port Royal was looking for him, so they could hang him for saving the life of the Governor's daughter. Captain Sparrow didn't strike me as a particularly dangerous man, and I had never met a pirate before. I had everything to gain by consorting with him - a chance at adventure at last. Christina Swann, aiding a known pirate! Much more interesting than some ceremony for a stuffy puff like our dear, brave Commodore.

Captain Sparrow stepped out from behind the statue and looked me over in such a way that I do not think was entirely proper…inwardly I grinned. "Captain Sparrow, my eyes are up here and they are surely what you must be trying so hard to find," I said sweetly. Okay, do he wasn't queer at all.

"Yes, of course, Miss Swann," he said with an impish grin. I rolled my eyes and looked over my shoulder. I could see red coats hurrying towards us. On impulse (I didn't plan it, I swear!) I grabbed his hand.

"Hurry, or they'll find you and you'll hang for threatening not one but two of the Governor's daughters," I said, leading him into the nearest shop.

My heart fell when I realized that it was the blacksmith's shop. Mr. Brown was passed out again, drunk. The sight didn't surprise me, but Will might be in here and he certainly would not let Mr. Sparrow get away. Will _hated_ pirates.

"Whoa!" the Captain yelled into Mr. Brown's ear, making me jump. "Captain, I believe it is quite obvious that Mr. Brown is unconscious," I said. Captain Sparrow grinned at me again, and went to a hammering plank to try to get off the irons. I walked over. "Here, let me," I said, picking up the hammer and hitting the chains as hard as I could. I merely dented them. Jack looked at me, surprised, "What profit do ye collect by helping me, young Miss?" he asked. I met his eyes and grinned at him, probably looking like quite the imp myself. "Why, Mr. Sparrow! You shock me! Surely you should know!"

"It is me dashing good looks and charm, eh, girly? Can't resist ol' Jack, can ye?"

"No, Captain Sparrow, do not presume to flatter yourself. You're just a fascinating new creature. I've never met a pirate before."

"Creature…" the pirate grumbled darkly but I ignored him, still trying to hammer through his shackles.

"I can't believe you used my sister when she tried to help you!" I said, more to break the silence than anything. He shrugged, "Pirate," he explained. He spotted a branding iron in the fire, still red hot. I winced and stepped away, but he was not headed for me. He walked to the donkey that pulled the huge wooden gear-wheel's in the shop. I closed my eyes as he poked the sleeping animal with the hot metal. The donkey squealed and began to move, allowing Mr. Sparrow to reach up and have the irons broken. Suddenly the door rattled.

"Hide!" I hissed, running up to the door and opening it. It was Will, as I suspected. "Will!" I said breathlessly, trying to make my eyes wide, innocent and frightened. "Christina? What are you doing here?" Will asked. My mind was racing, what would I say? Once again on sheer impulse (and you'll have to believe me when I say I didn't plan it), I threw my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder and trying to ignore how his strong arms slowly went around my waist. I'm afraid I might have shocked him, because his arms went around me almost hesitantly. Will and I never touched more than we had to, not even when we were practicing with the swords. At least, I never touched him. Sometimes he'd put his arm around my shoulder or chuck me under the chin, so much like a brother that I wanted to scream at him.

"Oh, Will, I was so terribly frightened, my sister! Elizabeth! She nearly drowned!" I wailed, sobbing a bit. He held me tighter, "I know. I was worried too but she's safe now and they'll catch that pirate," Will said. Damn, he knew about Captain Sparrow. I pretended to sob harder.

"I saw the pirate, Will, he was vile and terrifying and he was such a scoundrel," I cried, holding him closer. I could almost here Captain Sparrow clear his throat indignantly. "And ugly and rude," I added for good measure. I am a very good liar.

"Shh. I should have known you would take it this way, Christina, you are so sheltered growing up in the Governor's mansion," Will said gently, pushing me into the shop with his arm still about my waist. I tried desperately not to grimace. Sheltered, my foot. Did he think I was some flowery idiot, just because I was the Governor's daughter? I realized that I was trying to convince him of just that, with my performance. Oh, Will Turner frustrates me!

"Right where I left you…" Will said, looking at Mr. Brown with an ironic smile. I followed him, not wanting him to remove his hand from my hip. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Capt. Sparrow gesturing wildly and pointing to…

The hammer. My eyes widened, "Not where I left you," Will said, frowning at the hammer. "Ahem, I, ah, moved the hammer. I came here and waited for you, because I was so terribly afraid, you see, and then I decided I needed a weapon so I took the hammer…" I said quickly, feeling horrible for lying to Will. He raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you just take a sword?" he asked. I blanched. "B-b-because!" I stuttered triumphantly, smiling and hoping I could pull off 'dizzy idiot' as well as Elizabeth could. Apparently, men like dizzy women. It makes them feel smart and important. Will, however, just looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.

"Because I could have no hope of surviving a duel with a pirate!" I said. He nodded - I scowled when he didn't assure me that I was very capable of defending myself - I'd come close to beating him a few times! - and then looked at the donkey, who was still squealing. He looked back up at me, "I think I gave her a fright when I walked in," I said weakly, feeling a bit faint. If I was caught in this lie, Will would never trust me again. He nodded.

Will's eyes ticked over my shoulder and I paled again, realizing that the Captain's hat was still there. "Christina?" he asked. I closed my eyes, suddenly fighting back tears. Typical female, my father would have said.

"You're the one they're hunting. The pirate," Will said, and I opened my eyes to see Will standing by my side, his arm around me again and bringing me protectively behind him. Half of me was thrilled. The other half was disgusted that Will thought I needed protecting. The disgusted half was taking over rapidly.

"You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?" Jack said. My eyes must have been the size of cannon balls, the air practically cracked with tension.

"I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates," Will said darkly. Told you he hated pirates. Personally, I thought he'd make a splendid pirate…and then he could whisk me away on a beautiful ship into the horizon and we'd be pirates together, sailing the seas and living in splendor. I shook my head - _bad_ daydream. Will is the boy I've known since I was twelve, and nothing more. Will is my best friend.

"Ah. Well, then it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. So, if you'll excuse me…" Jack was saying, but Will unsheathed his sword. "Oh no, Will, don't - " I said, for good measure. They ignored me.

"Do you think this wise, boy, crossing blades with a pirate?" the Captain asked. "You threatened Miss Swann," Will growled. My heart leaped, but then I realized he was most likely talking about my sister. Stupid me. Jack, however, thought Will was talking about me. He winked at me over Will's shoulder. "Yes, both of them," he boasted. I snorted.

"But only a little." They started to fight. I backed away as far as I could to avoid being skewered. As much fun as I have when Will and I spar, I learned early on that when men fight, it's best to stay out of the way. They're barking mad, truly. Will's face was contorted in anger and hatred as he threw himself into the fight, but Captain Sparrow looked as though he was rather enjoying himself. He moved with such ease, parrying Will's attacks easily and flowing out of the way, that he made Will look to me like a child trying to play pirates and soldiers with his Papa. Except for the expression of loathing. If I had son look like that at his father, I would certainly worry for the child's sanity.

"You know what you're doing, I'll give you that. Excellent form but how's your footwork?" Captain Sparrow said as they fought. The swords were going so fast that I hardly could see them, but I could hear them cut through the air with a high pitched _whoosh_. And they met with a loud _clang_. I winced, but watched eagerly, anticipated every move. Will had taught me well.

"If I step here; very good. Now I step again," Jack said, as if he were teaching Will. I bristled, Will was holding his own very well, he didn't need some pirate to teach him how to fight! Suddenly they were edging toward me and I hastily stepped out of the way. "Will! Let me help!" I cried suddenly. Will didn't turn to look at me, but he yelled, "Stay out of this, Christina, I do not want you in harm's way,"

Well fine, then, but I could fight nearly as good as he could. I crossed my arms over my chest, resigned to being a spectator. "Ta!" Mr. Sparrow said and ran to the door. Will flung his sword like a lance and it sank deep into the door, inches from Jack's face. I yelped and covered my eyes. Okay, so I couldn't do _that_ with a sword. Yet.

"That is a wonderful trick except once again you are between me and my way out. And now you have no weapon," Jack said, advancing on Will again. I looked around desperately, and grabbed an unfinished sword from the fire. "Will!" I shouted, tossing it to him so he caught the blade. My hand was burned a bit, but I hardly noticed.

"Traitor!" Captain Sparrow sniped at me.

"Woman," I explained.

"Huh," he sneered, turning his attention back to Will. "Who makes all these?" he exclaimed, as Will grabbed a new sword.

"I do!" Will shouted proudly. I smiled, watching him fight was quite entertaining. "And I practice with them three hours a day!" _With me,_ I thought gleefully.

"You need to find yourself a girl, mate! Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?" Jack asked, glancing downwards…I giggled shrilly again, and I could see the tops of Will's ears redden a bit. Jack offered me a rogue's grin. He really was a vile man.

"You will not speak so in front of a lady," Will said on my behalf. "Oh, it's quite all right, Will, I know you're not a eunuch," I said helpfully. Captain Sparrow laughed. They had continued fighting all the while.

"I practice three hours a day, so when I meet a pirate, I can kill him!" Will said, and conversation was halted for a moment and I watched in amazement as they fought upon a teeter-plank. A loose board snapped up and hit Will in the face. I yelped. The Captain glanced at me with a grin. Scoundrel.

They fought among the rafters and I looked up, nervous that either one would fall. I seemed to have taken a liking to the Captain. Perhaps I could convince him to take me with him on his ship, so I could finally get away from Port Royal.

They came back to the ground and continued fighting until they were right in front of me, and the Captain knocked Will's sword from his hand. Will looked shocked, and turned to get another sword, but Jack pulled out a pistol and cut a bag of brown…dirt like stuff, and sprayed it in Will's face.

I screamed. Woman, remember?

"You cheated!" Will accused. Jack shrugged, "Pirate," he rationalized. "Move away," he continued. "No," Will said. Jack sighed, exasperated.

"_Please,_ move?"

"No, I cannot just step aside and let you escape." Will was stubborn and resigned. He would stand there even if the pirate had to shoot him in the face. I felt my heart beating wildly, but I didn't know what to do.

Jack cocked the pistol, I grabbed Will's arm. "Please, Will, just let him pass, its not worth dying over, _please,_ Will," I begged, tears streaming down my face in earnest this time.

"Ye do not wish to die in front of the lady, do ye, lad? Move out of the way."

"Oh, Captain Sparrow, please don't! Will, you oaf, _move!_" I begged. Oh, _men_ and their stupid ideas of honor!

"This shot is not meant for you," the pirate said, before there was a crash of breaking glass and he fell over, knocked out cold. Mr. Brown stood with his hand raised, the neck of a bottle clutched in his fist. Will turned to me, cupping my face in his hands and wiping my tears away. "Shh, love, it's all right, I'm fine," he said. "Y-you could have _died _you big stupid idiot!" I cried.

"Excellent work, Mr. Brown. You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive," came the Commodore's voice. "Just doing my civic duty, sir," Mr. Brown said.

"Oh, of course you were, if your civic duty was to sit around unconscious while Will, err, I mean Mr. Turner, fights off the _dangerous fugitive,_" I snapped. The Commodore looked at me, at a loss for words.

"We'll have none of your stories, Christina, I don't know what you are doing here anyway and frankly I do not care, come along. Mr. Turner, if you'd be so kind, unhand my daughter," my father said. Will took his hand off my waist. "Come along, Christina," my evil stupid father said. I looked at Will, who nodded. "I'm sorry," I whispered, following my father out the door. Commodore Norrington stepped disdainfully over Jack's body. "Well, I trust you'll always remember this as the day that Captain Jack Sparrow almost escaped. Take him away." he ordered.

Stupid rich wig wearing men.


	5. The Curse

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

1.

"What did you think you were _doing,_ Christina?" my father said angrily as he paced back and forth like a caged animal. I was sitting on a rather uncomfortable arm chair, watching him intently. Perhaps he would be so angry, his heart would fail him and he would keel over. I scolded myself, what an awful thing to say.

"Well, answer me!" my father demanded. I sighed, "I was terribly frightened, Father, I myself know not what I was doing…you and Elizabeth were walking terribly fast and I couldn't keep up in that big dress, and before I knew it, I was far behind and I was scared to walk alone, so I went to the nearest shop where a good strong man could protect me. How was I supposed to know that Mr. Brown would be passed out drunk? 'Tis a good thing Will…I mean, Mr. Turner…was there to protect me!" I said. My father glared at me.

"I will not have you speaking ill of Mr. Brown, Christina, he did a great thing today, and deserves our respect," my father said. My patience snapped.

"Oh, do you mean that the great thing was waking up in order to knock out Mr. Sparrow, while all the while Will was the one fighting - and protecting me - the whole time? Does he deserve my respect for that? Well, I'm sorry but he doesn't have it." I got to my feet, quite ready to leave.

"That is enough!" my father roared, and I backed up a bit, shocked. He never raised his voice, not even to me. Well, he barely talked to me, so I can see how he never raised his voice. And he would _never_ even scold Queen Elizabeth. Heaven forbid, the harsh words might lash her fair skin or something. He looked apologetic but said, "You are becoming to impudent, daughter, and I will not have it. It is not your place. Now off to bed with you," he said. I glared and stalked off.

"…I mean you being threatened by that pirate; sounds terrifying," Eleanor was saying to Elizabeth. "Oh, yes, it was terrifying," Elizabeth said, not sounding as entirely convincing as she might have. "But the Commodore proposed. Fancy that, that's a smart match, if I may be so bold to say."

"He is a smart match. He's a fine man; he's what any woman should dream of marrying."

"Well, that Will Turner, he's a fine man, too." Damn that Eleanor. I never liked her, although I'd only met her this morning.

"That is too bold," I heard Elizabeth say. Sure it was, but she liked the idea nonetheless. Stupid sister, I never liked her either and I'd lived with her for twenty years. Twenty bloody God-forsaken years.

"Well, begging your pardon, Miss, 'twas not my place," Eleanor mumbled quietly, sounding pleased with herself. How much longer was I supposed to live with this?

I hurried into the room and Eleanor looked at me, surprised. I glared at her, "Good night, Eleanor, dear," I said. Elizabeth glared at me. "How are you feeling, Elizabeth? All better now?" I asked. She didn't smile, "I'm fine. And you? If what I heard was right, you had an even more terrifying ordeal than I did," she said stiffly.

"Yes, well at least dear Mr. Turner was there to protect me," I said, regretting it immediately. How stupid, I was being jealous and childish. I couldn't help it though. The thought of Will and my sister together broke my heart. Oh, I knew it wasn't at all likely that they would marry. She's the Governor's youngest daughter, and he's the town blacksmith. Not even that. He's the apprentice to the town blacksmith! My father would not have it. But it hurt all the same that Will loved her in a way that he would never love me.

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth, I'm very tired and a bit snappish," I said, walking over to my bed. Elizabeth nodded and closed her eyes.

Mary had come from the back of the room, "You must ignore what that goose, Eleanor, was saying, Miss Swann," she said quietly. "Mary, my father is not around you may call me Christina," I said, pointedly ignoring what she had said.

Mary helped me out of my heavy dress, and I let out a breath that felt as if I'd been holding it all day when she unlaced the corset. I wouldn't be surprised if there were welts from where the metal cords of the awful thing had been.

"Bloody London," I muttered. Mary laughed. I lay down and she put a hot pan under the bed sheets at the foot of the bed. "If you ask me, Miss Swann, I think you and Will would make a better match anyway," she whispered, blowing out the candle.

"Yes, but you're biased, now aren't you?" I mumbled, nearly asleep as soon as my head hit the over-expensive down pillows. "I'd still think so even if I wasn't," Mary said, leaving to the maid's quarters. I smiled, thinking of Will and for once not stopping myself.

1.

Several hours later I was awoken by loud bangs coming, I assumed, from the town. My father's mansion was on a hill away from the bustle of the town, and the views were amazing. I got up swiftly and pulled on a robe, running to the window.

"Oh, _hellfire_," I swore, clutching the windowsill. Elizabeth was up as well, walking over to the window. "What is going on, Christina?" she asked nervously. I swallowed hard, "We're under attack," I said. She looked at me fearfully, and I grabbed her hand, running out of the room

We were on our way down the stairs when the door began to shudder as if being pounded on. The butler went to open the door. Fool!

"Don't!" Elizabeth shrieked, all to late. "Hello, chump," a filthy man said, holding up a pistol. I turned to Elizabeth and covered her eyes, glancing over my shoulder fearfully, seeing him shoot our butler. I screamed and closed my eyes, pushing Elizabeth forward and running back into our room.

"Miss Swann! They've come to kidnap you both!" Mary said, dragging Eleanor with her. "What!" my sister and I asked, shocked. "You're the Governor's daughters," Mary said, looking hard at me. She knew I could fight, but against an unknown amount of pirates? I wasn't that good! As for Eleanor, the poor girl seemed as if she would faint at any moment. I felt much like doing the same. "They haven't seen you yet. Hide and as soon as you can, run to the fort," Elizabeth said quickly, surprising me by sounding calm. Mary nodded and pulled Eleanor with her. "They've seen us both, Christina. What shall we do?" she asked me when Mary and Eleanor were out of sight. I bit my lip and came up with absolutely nothing.

Two pirates pounded at the door. Elizabeth ran to her bed. "What are you doing, do you think you can hide there and they wont see you?" I shouted at her. She grabbed the pan of hot coal from the foot of the bed and grabbed mine as well. "Oh, well, there's an idea," I muttered. The door broke and I shrieked, jumping back. The pirates came in.

"'Ello, pets," the short fat one said. The tall skinny one grinned stupidly, his wooden eye rolling around freakishly. They reeked of dead fish and rot. It was absolutely disgusting, and suddenly I didn't want to be a pirate anymore.

"You are disgusting," I said savagely, trying to push my way past. The tall one grabbed me around the waist and pushed me into the fat one. His hands were vile. "Get off me! Let go, you foul, squalid…let go!" I shrieked. Elizabeth ran up and emptied the hot coals onto their heads. I was infinitely grateful to have such a beautiful, wonderful, smart, lovely sister…

She grabbed my hand and we ran past, down the stairs, and the tall pirate leaped from the balcony of the stairs, landing in front of us and blocking our way. I grabbed one of the pans from Elizabeth and held it up in defense. She had dropped the other one. "Christina!" she said fearfully as the other pirate closed in on us from behind.

"Shh, don't worry Elizabeth, I'll get us out of this," I said back even though of the two of us, Elizabeth was the one doing all the quick-thinking. The pirates laughed at me. Suddenly a canon ball was shot through the wall, crashing and taking down a pirate who had stopped to loot our house. The chandelier above was creaking dangerously.

"Come on!" I yelled, running past into the dining room. Elizabeth ran to get the swords that were placed on the wall. Stupid place for swords to be. My father was a bit of a moron, and had the swords locked into place. They wouldn't come loose from the huge iron plaque thing that held them.

"Leave it!" I hissed to her, the pirates were banging on the door. "Hide somewhere - no, not there!" I said, as she ran to the closet. "When they find you they'll - " I started to say, but the door came crashing down. With all the money my father has, he could have built a stronger door, for God's sake. Actually, for my sake!

"Hello, love, where'd you pretty sister go?" the fat one asked. I scowled at him, "She jumped out the window rather than have to smell you!" I sneered, holding up the pot. They snarled and ran at me. I swung as hard as I could and hit the tall one in the face. He staggered back, but the fat one kept coming. I dodged him and ran around the table. He ran at me, and I ran around the table, stopping when he stopped and moving away from him when he ran towards me.

"We could do this until the soldiers come and kill you on the spot, or you could just leave now," I said. He smiled and ran at me again, and this time his partner was there to catch me when I ran away. I struggled and swung the pot up again, hitting him so he let me go. There was nothing I could do to hold off these men, if you could call them that. I ran at the window and dove out, shrieking even though it was only about a seven foot drop.

I hit the floor and rolled, praying that they would believe me when I said my sister had already left.


	6. Would You?

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

I didn't get to sleep that whole night. Well, you wouldn't either, with grenades going off every few seconds, and disgusting sex-deprived pirates prowling around in search of "pleasurable" company. I shuddered just thinking about it. So I spent the entire night sitting with Will's head in my lap and pretending to be unconscious, so the pirates would leave me alone. I suppose thar'd be no use in a knocked out wench, har har. Bloody pirates.

And all I could think about was how I could easily leave behind my sister in the mansion with pirates, that was fine. But I couldn't bring myself to part from Will. Perhaps it was because I fancied him, and not Elizabeth (that would be utterly and supremely disgusting) but then seeing as how there was no point in that, I let the matter drop. But all night kept going back to it, mulling it over in my mind.

"Unghhh," Will said. "I'm going to assume that was 'good morning' in whatever language you chose to speak," I said as he sat up slowly. He smiled weakly at me and winced as he lifted a hand to touch his head. "What happened?" he asked.

"Good Lord, don't tell me you don't remember! Screaming, pirates that wouldn't stay dead, bloody big explosions," _Me in my tattered nightgown, _I hinted.

"Elizabeth!" Will exclaimed, trying to get up quickly and failing. I sighed. "Yes, there was her to," I said, a bit reluctantly and then felt the thousandth pang of guilt of the day. My sister was captured, her life in danger - if she was still alive - and I was still jealous of her?

"Come on, up you get," I said, stretching out my sore legs. I got gingerly to my feet and then helped up Will. "We need to see your father, and the Commodore. We have to find her," he said desperately, grabbing my hand and dragging me to where my father, the Commodore, and a few military men stood hunched over a map.

"They've taken her! They've taken Elizabeth," Will said, and the fury and desperation in his voice made me quail. He would hate me if he knew how I left her in the mansion.

"Mr. Murtogg, remove this man," the Commodore said, bored. Bastard.

"We have to hunt them down! We have to save her!" Will nearly shouted. I winced, against my will wondering if he would so frantically demand a search for me? Or would he be content if Elizabeth was safe, and I would merely be a forgotten memory? If I was the one captured, would they even notice I was gone? I tried to fight the sinking feeling that they wouldn't.

"And where do you propose we start? If you have any information concerning my daughter, please, share it," my father said curtly, worry clearly etched on his face. Never mind the fact that I was standing here in my torn nightgown and robe, muddy and bloody…

"Christina, what on earth are you doing here? Christina?" I was surprised to hear my father say my name, I had assumed that I had just gone invisible again. Will touched my arm lightly, and I jumped. "What?" I asked. My father frowned at me, "Christina, what are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?" he asked. No 'Thank goodness you are safe, Christina, I was worried sick."

"Have you not noticed that the Port was attacked by pirates? I ran out of the house, assuming that the pirates who had attacked us would follow me, as I told them that Elizabeth had already gone. I didn't exactly have the time to put on my festival gown, Father," I said sarcastically. Sometimes he was just so thick. Well, most of the time.

"Well, thank heavens you are alright," my father said, surprising me for the second and third time that day by hugging me. I couldn't help it, I started to cry. "Father, I'm so sorry about Elizabeth! I tried to tell her not to hide in the closet, and to jump out the window instead, but she wouldn't listen and it was too late. So then I tried to tell the pirates that she has left already so they would follow me when I jumped out the window, but they didn't!" I wailed. I wanted to kick myself, bawling like a typical stupid girl in front of Will. I am an idiot.

"You tried, Christina, that was brave of you at least," my father said, but I could tell he was angry with me. Perhaps I should have gotten kidnapped instead, so Elizabeth could go on being the only child, and Port Royal could carry on like I didn't even exist.

"What ship took her?" I asked. The Commodore glared at me. I was so sick of him. "Don't you glare at me like that, you stupid old wind bag! I have a right to know what bloody pirate ship took my sister!" I said angrily. My father opened his mouth to scold me, I'm sure, but I was on a role. "And you, don't even think of scolding me, Father. Now is not the time or place and every second you morons waste here is another second that Elizabeth may be killed, and although she is insufferable, she is also my sister and I do not wish for her to die. Now will someone please tell me what ship took my sister?" I shouted.

The soldier known as Murtogg said, "That Jack Sparrow. He talked about the Black Pearl."

I gasped; I knew the stories of the Black Pearl. It was a foul ship, sailed by the dead and the damned. And from what I saw last night, there was no doubt in my mind that it was indeed the Pearl that had taken Elizabeth.

"Mentioned it is more what he did," another soldier put in, as if he thought he was being helpful. "Ask him where it is. Make a deal with him, he could lead us to it!" Will said, and I nodded vigorously. The Commodore, however, seemed to have had another idea. "No…the pirates who invaded this Port left Sparrow locked in his cell ergo they are not his allies. Governor, we will establish their most likely course…"

"That's not good enough!" Will yelled, slamming an axe into the table where their map was, and I jumped again, but walked away from my father and over next to him.

"Mr. Turner, you are not a military man, you are not a sailor. You are a blacksmith and this is not the moment for rash actions. Do not make the mistake of thinking that you are the only man here who cares for Elizabeth," he said, almost nose-to-nose with Will, whose jaw clenched with suppressed fury. I wanted to scream, and Will looked abashed at being told he was 'just a blacksmith'. I wanted to scream more, for his sake and for mine because once again the fuss was all about Elizabeth.

Will turned and walked away. I glared at the Commodore, "You are spineless," I hissed, seething. The poor man was just trying to do his job, I'm sure, but did he have to go about it in such an infuriating way? I turned and followed Will, ignoring how my father called after me. The only place I wanted to be right now was with Will, even if he was thinking only of my sister.

1.

I hurried to follow Will, he was storming through the streets towards the jail. I knew what he was going to do, and from my experience with pirates I wasn't quite eager to be in the presence of one again.

Will slammed open the door and hurried down the stone steps to the jail cell where Mr. Sparrow would surely be. "You, Sparrow!" Will called.

"Aye," came the Captain's reply from where he was laying down in the jail cell staring up at the ceiling. The cell next to him had been blown open by canon fire. I couldn't help but grin: this man had no manner of luck at all.

"You are familiar with the ship, the _Black Pearl_?" Will asked. "I've heard of it," Captain Sparrow said nonchalantly. "Where does it make berth?" Will asked. I raised an eyebrow, did he not know?

"Where does it make berth? Have you not heard the stories?" Captain Sparrow said incredulously. Will stayed silent, looking politely nonplussed - Jack Sparrow could help us far faster than the Commodore could, so Will couldn't afford to offend him - and also very agitated.

"_Captain _Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sailed from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It's an island that cannot be found…" Jack started to say, reeling it off as if he'd said and heard it so many times that it was immensely boring.

"…except by those who already know where it is," I cut him off, smiling. Will looked at me oddly, and I shrugged. "You may not have heard the stories, Will, but our butler used to tell Elizabeth an I a different pirate story almost every night until we were fifteen, and she grew out of them."

"The ship's real enough. Therefore its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?" Will asked the Captain, his eyes resting on me only a moment longer. Captain Sparrow was looking at me with an odd little smile on his face, his dark eyes shining. I raised me chin and crossed my arms defiantly. There was something knowing about his smile, and it unnerved me.

"Why ask me?"

Will sighed, "Because, you're a pirate," he said. Jack smiled slowly, amused. "And you want to turn pirate yourself, is that it?" he asked. Ooh, wrong thing to say…

"Never!" Will said dangerously, and Jack seemed unfazed. I tried hard not to laugh; this pirate would drive Will mad. Will sighed again, "They took Miss Swann," he said. Mr. Sparrow looked at me, confused

"Oh, not me; my sister," I offered. Jack nodded. "Oh, so it is that yeh've found a girl, I see. Well, if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart yeh'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in it for me," he said. Goodness, _all_ men were infuriating. I may never get married.

"Please, Mr. Sparrow, I have to save my sister," I said desperately, hoping to come across as a damsel in distress. Not that I thought it would work against any pirates, who usually were the cause for the damsel's distress. I just hoped that perhaps Jack Sparrow would be different.

"Sorry, love, cant help ye," he said. I sighed angrily and muttered, "Bloody pirates." Jack laughed.

"I can get you out of here," Will said suddenly, furtively. I looked interestedly at him. Now just how was he about to do that?

"How's that? The key's run off," Jack said dejectedly. I grinned, enjoying his misery incalculably. It was bad of me, I know, but then again he was a very irritating pirate. "I helped build these cells. These are half pin-barrel hinges. With the right leverage and proper application of strength, the door will lift free," Will said. Aha, I understood absolutely none of that, 'cept for the application of strength part. That was something I'd like to see.

"What's your name?" Jack asked, out of nowhere. He looked as though he was trying to be offhand about it, but something about him struck me as very calculating. I pursed my lips, intrigued in spite of myself. Oh, who am I kidding? It wasn't in spite of myself…I didn't think there was anything wrong with being interested in such a colorful character such as Captain Jack Sparrow. He was quite unlike anyone I've ever met before.

"Will Turner," Will sounded as if he wanted to ask why.

"That will be short for William, I measure. Good, strong name. No doubt named for your father, am I right?" he asked. I wondered why this was all so important. Who gave a damn whether Will was named after his father or not?

Will nodded.

"Aha. Well, Mr. Turner, I changed me mind. If ye spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death, I shall take yeh to the Black Pearl and yer bonnie lass,"

I clucked my tongue loudly, causing both men to look at me oddly. "Nothing! Carry on!" I said, gesturing for them to continue. Bonnie lass. I'd give _them _bonnie lass, for God's sake…And if anything, Elizabeth was the _Commodore's _bonnie lass, after all, they were courting. And he was, after all, her suitor.

Suddenly I was very grateful for the Commodore's existence.

"Do we have an accord?" Jack asked, looking at me skeptically. I would bet anything that he could see right through me. Exasperating pirate.

"Agreed," Will said, and they shook on it. Men and their stupid habits. Wasting so much bloody time. Will took a bench and lifted it easily, positioning it under the bars of the cell, and pushing up. My jaw dropped a little. He wasn't kidding when he said (and I quote) "proper application of strength." Jack hurried out, looking me over. I realized I was still in my night gown, and crossed my arms defensively over my chest. "See something that interests you, Mr. Sparrow?" I asked. He grinned, looked me over again, and turned to leave. God help me, I'd have to travel with the likes of him. But there was _no_ way that I was going to be left behind.

"Hurry, someone will have heard that," Will said anxiously. "Not without my effects," Jack said. I tossed them to him and we left the jail.

1.

"We're going to steal a ship. That ship?" Will said, pointing to the Interceptor and sounding less-than-thrilled at the prospect. We were standing in the water under the dock, and I was shivering with cold. All I had on my feet were flimsy little ballet flats, and all I had to wear was this bloody nightgown and a robe. Not the best attire when you're about to embark on a grand adventure, I assure you.

"Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term," Jack corrected. "One question about your business boy, or there's no use going. This girl, how far are you willing to go to save her?"

"I'd die for her," Will said fiercely.

"Oh, for God's sake, Will!" I said loudly, and they both turned to stare at me again. What is this, women are supposed to be seen and not heard? "Will, would you die for someone you barely know? You never talked to Elizabeth except on a handful of occasions, and all you know about her besides the fact that she's pretty is she shares my birthday!" I snapped. This was getting ridiculous.

"That's not true!" Will said angrily. I raised an eyebrow, "Oh, and what else do you know about her, then?" I asked. We were wasting time, I knew, but I could not just stand here and bite my tongue while Will made stupid promises. About my stupid sister!

"Well…I know that the Governor is her father!" Will said.

"As he is mine, and everyone in Port Royal knows that!" I said. Jack laughed, "Well, then, Miss Swann, how far would you go for her?" he asked. "She's not coming," Will said quickly. I blanched. "Excuse me, did I hear you right, William? Did you think I just came here to see you off? I am coming!" I said furiously.

"Christina, it's too dangerous," he said. "Dangerous my arse, Will! It was dangerous yesterday when I was trapped in the mansion with two pirates and no weapon. It was dangerous when I had to fight yesterday in the middle of the night, with bombs going off everywhere and pirates that don't stay dead. Elizabeth is my sister, I'll be damned if I'm not going with you!" I retorted. How dare he! Will opened his mouth to argue, but I glared at him, and he finally fell silent. I didn't miss all the evil looks he sent my way. Infuriating boy. Man. Bah!

"Well, Miss Swann? What'll be yer answer?" the Captain asked me, looking quite amused.

"She's my sister," I said stoutly. He nodded, "Yes, well I know that, but that doesn't answer my question. How far are you willing to go to bring her back…to reunite her with this brave young stallion here?" he said, indicating Will.

I felt my face heat and a frowned. The Captain certainly knew much more than he let on, although all of this sailed right past Will, who was fidgeting to leave. I glared nastily at Jack, but to my own chagrin kept picturing Will and Elizabeth together again.

"I'd…bloody hell, what has this got to do with anything?" I sputtered, annoyed.

"Right then, no worries. Let's just get going, eh?" Jack laughed. I groaned. I don't know which one of them I wanted to punch more.

"Er, Mr. Sparrow?" I asked tentatively.

"Captain, love. Or just Jack. None of this formal bilge, eh? After all, we are on an adventure together," he said. I blinked. "Right, Captain, sir, how are we going to get to the Dauntless?" I asked.

"Ah, what a bright lass yeh are, and a pretty one, wouldn't ye agree Will, my lad?" Will looked up, and I looked down. Bloody pirates. Will smiled, "That she is, Jack," he said. I looked up, shocked. Will smiled at me, forgiving me for not listening to him. Friendly. Nothing more. Well I didn't want his forgiveness for something that I was _right_ about. Men. I forced myself to smile back. "Yes, well, that doesn't answer my question, Captain," I said, using his own words and hastily changing the subject.

He laughed, "Ye see that boat there, Miss Swann? We're gonna use that," he said. I looked at the tiny row boat that was on the shore. "We're just going to row out there?" I asked. "Ha, no love, we're going to swim," he said. I sighed - we were doomed. The Captain was quite mad, I was sure of it now. I didn't ask another question.

"Right then, let's lift this old girl up then, shall we?" Jack asked with a grin. I raised an eyebrow sardonically, quite resigned to my fate. It was evident that the chances of surviving an adventure with Captain Jack Sparrow in the lead were slim. I was, however, quite ready to have an adventure after eight long years at Port Royal with precious little to distract me from hearing Elizabeth ninny on about this suitor or that dress or these ribbons…It was odd to think that I was out here about to risk my life and sanity to bring that back into my life again. Elizabeth was my sister, however, and I felt partly to blame for her kidnapping. At least if I'd stayed in the mansion we would have been taken together, and then I would have had some chance to protect her.

"Aye aye, Captain, we shall!" I said mockingly gallant. He laughed again. He and Will politely held most of the weight, I just held on as we walked forward. There was no way the soldiers would not see us, not even they were quite so stupid. And what a sight we would be, three pairs of legs walking quickly from under and overturned row boat. "Oh, bother, we're doomed," I said, my voice sounding odd under the boat. Will groaned, seemingly in agreement with me.

Suddenly, my feet were in the water.

"Jack! What are you doing! We'll drown!" I yelped, trying to stop but not wanting to be left behind, and not wanting to be dragged. "Relax, pet, I've done this before. Ol' Jack Sparrow knows what 'e's doing," Jack said. I sighed angrily. _Men_.

Water was up to my waist and I started to get nervous, my thin nightgown ballooning up around me. How humiliating. Thankfully I was behind Will, who was behind the Captain, so neither saw my legs. I was starting to rethink this whole adventure ordeal.

Then we were under water, and the most amazing thing happened. When the row boat went under, it must have taken the air with it, because we were walking on the bottom of the bay and we could breathe. If the navy knew about this, they'd probably have us hanged for witchcraft. Idiots.

"Amazing," I whispered.

"This is either madness or brilliance," Will muttered in agreement.

"Remarkable how often those two traits seem to coincide," Jack said quietly. I jumped as I heard something crunch beneath me. Will had gotten his foot stuck in a lobster cage, and I was getting tangled with the rope. "Will, you big oaf," I groaned. Like I said, the only thing that he was not clumsy with, as far as I knew, was a sword. Jack chuckled again. All the man did was drink and laugh and cuss and fight. A real pirate. But I liked him. He was different from most of the uptight ninnies I was accustomed to being around. Different in a good way, he a relief from prissy puffs with wigs.

We got to the Dauntless and climbed up the side. "Bloody nightgown," I muttered as it got caught. By now it was near transparent, and I gather my soaking wet robe around me. Will turned around and looked at me as if to say "I told you so."

"Quit bloody staring at me if you do not intend to help," I snapped. He grabbed my arm and hoisted me up until I tumbled onto the deck. He was going to drive me mad, absently holding out a hand to me to help me up. Such a gentleman, eh? I rolled my eyes and ignored him, getting up unsteadily by myself.

"Everyone stay calm, we're taking over the ship," he called, and the sailors turned around. "Aye, avast!" Will shouted. The sailor's laughed, and Jack looked at Will as if he were mad. Will shrugged.

"This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay," the naval officer said. I cleared my throat.

"Aye, not by two men alone, but we are lucky enough to have a woman among us as well," Jack said, and I smiled approvingly at him. The sailors, curse them, only laughed harder. Jack raised his pistol and cocked it, "You forget, mates, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, ye savvy?" They stopped laughing.

"Oy, Captain," I said, not taking my eyes off the sailors. "I fear I'm going to need more, er, _suitable_ clothes for this adventure," I said, shooting an apologetic look at the naval officer.


	7. Tortuga

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Jack turned around and looked me over, and I ended up wishing I hadn't said anything at all, because now he was feasting his pirate eyes on me and my see-through wet night gown. Will, thankfully, noticed this and stepped in front of me.

"This is exactly the reason Miss Swann needs more suitable garments, Jack," he said. My lips twitched. Here was Will, valiantly protecting my modesty. Will, who saw me in breeches or a bodice, more often than not, when we had our little fencing lessons. Jack frowned at Will, but nodded.

"Well, yer officer-ness…I'm quite sorry, lad, but yer just going to have to lend that fine uniform to this lovely lady here," Jack said. The Naval Officer, I knew not his name, looked horrified. Some of his fellow sailors would have looked amused, were it not for the fact that Jack pointed his pistol at their leader and said, "_Now_, mate. I haven't got all day. Fair maiden to save and all that," he said.

I looked away as the poor man slowly took off his uniform. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I didn't look up until Jack tossed the clothes to me, and the sailors lowered a lifeboat and rowed away. "Sir, they've taken the Dauntless. They've taken the ship. Sparrow and Turner, they've taken the Dauntless, and they've kidnapped the Governor's daughter!" I heard the officer yell, waving. I started laughing, he must have been quite a sight to see, waving in only his under garments. Jack had even taken his boots, which would probably be too big on me anyway, but there were a lot better than the ballet flats, more like slippers, I had on.

Will and Jack went about setting up the ship to sail, and I watched eagerly. I had read about ships, and had been on plenty, but I wasn't quite sure how to sail. All I wanted to do was climb up the rigging and sit in the little cup thing and yell "Land ho!" when the opportunity arose. Of course, I didn't quite know the north from my elbow, so I wouldn't be much use. I assumed that Jack and Will would teach me.

"Here they come," Will said as the Interceptor stationed itself next to us. The soldiers swung aboard, and one of them grabbed my elbow. "Will!" I shouted, trying to wrench my arm back. Jack ran up and hit the soldier with the butt of his pistol. "There you go, Miss," he said. I grinned, "Now what are we going to do, Captain?" I asked. He didn't answer, merely grabbed hold of my waist and then grabbed a rope, swinging onto the Interceptor.

Swinging through the air would have been quite thrilling, if I had a better grip on the rope than none. But I did not, and was force to grab the Captain instead. He grinned insolently at me. I was too busy staring at the water that was about a good fifteen feet down, maybe more. I held on tighter.

"Come on, boy, we haven't got all day for you to dally around!" Jack shouted, and Will tossed him a very dirty look indeed. We were now on the deck of the Interceptor, Will still swinging over on a rope. I was still clinging to the Captain.

"Well, if I didn't know you were so taken with young Mr. Turner, Miss, I would think that you fancied me," Jack said. I blanched, even though he had said the first part a great deal quieter than the second, and the second part quite loud, for Will's benefit I suppose. Not that it mattered, when Will clearly had a one track mind for Elizabeth. He dragged me over to the big wheel on the ship (yes, I did read about ships, but I didn't say that retained all the information, now did I?) and did one thing or another to make us pull forward. "Sailors, back to the Interceptor! Now!" Commodore Norrington shouted, his wig probably quivering with rage. Ha! I pulled tighter to Jack and grinned at him. If I ever saw my father again, he would surely kill me.

The sailors grabbed ropes and attempted to swing back onto the Interceptor, failing miserably and splashing into the water. We would be so in shambles if some rival decided to take over Port Royal. Spain, perhaps. Or Iceland. I never paid attention to my geography tutor, that much is obvious.

We were safe distance away from the Dauntless now, and I wondered why they weren't following us. I assumed that the Commodore would have wanted to blow this ship sky high now that it was in the hands of, oh good heavens, a _pirate_. Not to mention one of many competitors of sweet Elizabeth's heart - and hand - in marriage. I sighed bitterly. Maybe my father had forbidden him to fire at us, seeing as how I was on the ship.

Will glared and grabbed my arm, pulling me roughly away from the Captain. I nearly tripped over my still-damp night gown and Will steadied me, his arm around my waist. Not for the first time, I noticed.

"That is no way to treat Miss Swann, Captain," Will spat. I am so sure. "You will treat her with the respect she deserves, as she is a lady and not some wench you'd have on your knee," he continued. I looked up at him, shocked. The cause of this sudden protectiveness of me is because I am the only female in miles and miles of water, no doubt. Not exactly a heartening thought. I'm sure if Elizabeth was here, I'd be invisible again. But then, Jack didn't seem to fancy her much, so maybe I'd be invisible only to Will. Which is even more depressing than being invisible to everyone. I tried to catch Will's eye, but he was very intently ignoring me. What a surprise. Figures, I am the only female here and I am _still_ ignored. I looked to Jack, who had a most aggravating smile playing on his lips.

"Yes, young William, my boy, but I am sure that you would not disagree to having this _lady_ on _your_ knee, now would ye, mate?" he asked. I flushed up to my hairline, I'm sure, and before this could drag on to further humiliate me I shouted.

"Alright, enough! If you two are done debating whether I am a wench or a lady, and whose knee I should be perched on, we _do_ have a…mission…a _reason_ for being on this ship. And that is to save my stupid sister, who was not intelligent enough to jump out of the window _away_ from the pirates in the first place. In fact, if it _wasn't _for her blatant idiocy, we wouldn't be here in the first place, and you wouldn't be discussing if I am a wench or what not. So can we _please_ move on?"

I was rewarded by ringing silence from both of my antagonists. Thank Goodness for the sounds of the ocean, at least it wasn't stunned to stillness from my very sensible and entirely indispensable outburst.

"Right then, to work!" Jack said. "Miss Swann, love," he added, for good measure. Men are not only infuriating, but incredibly stupid. I think I may have mentioned this before, and it certainly wont be the last time. Will glared, his arm around my waist tightening. Instead of making me leaning into him and being all lovey-dovey, I (to my surprise) pushed his arm away. Well, I have _some_ pride. I am not just some outlet for his lust when my sister is not there for him to feast his eyes upon. For heaven's sake. I glared at him and he just looked confused. And, damn it, hurt, which nearly broke my resolve and make me inch closer to him. Nearly. But not quite.

"Yes, Captain?" I asked. "Perhaps ye should go change into yer more suitable clothes. Then we'll set ye to work, because, as ye said, you did not just come to see us off. And so you shall have to be a fully participatin' member of this crew," he said. I nodded and grabbed the clothes, which thankfully Will remembered to bring from the Dauntless. I went down to the belly of the ship to get changed.

I sighed - of course there was no door so I had to hope that the men would quell their obscene need to spy on the only female for miles and hastily stripped out of my night gown. I pulled on the undershirt of the naval officer, feeling my skin crawl because these were _not_ my clothes, nor were they any woman's clothes. No, they were a man's clothes, and Lord knows the bathing habits of men. I shuddered.

Thankfully, I had worn long undergarments to bed last night, so my legs were covered up to just below my knee. Of course, all I had on was a sleeveless under shirt and my long underwear (that was, need I say, still damp. Typical.) when Will decided to bound down the stairs and walk in on me. Okay, so maybe their perverted need was not so easy to quell, because although I am no Elizabeth, I am not horribly disfigured and I am not fat. Well, not disgustingly fat, though my hips and rear were a bit larger than considered becoming. You know, I had expected this sort of behavior to come from Jack, because he is a pirate and he cannot help himself, but not from Will. Although it wasn't a big deal, he'd seen me in britches before, and that was really what I was wearing.

Except for the fact that it was my _damned_ _underwear._

Anyway, he barged in and I shrieked, my arms crossing over my chest defensively. Thankfully (and I am being far too thankful lately) the undershirt was long on me, but loose. "Will, what in the name of all things holy are you _doing_!" I shouted. He had the courtesy to flush and look away. "The Captain requests that you hurry it up," he said. I was going to clobber him, and when I was done, I was going to clobber the Captain and sail this bloody ship to wherever the hell we were going by my-_bloody_-self.

"WELL COULDN'T YOU JUST YELL THAT FROM THE TOP OF THE STAIRS!" I bellowed. Apparently not. Will tried to turn around again. "DON'T YOU _DARE_, WILLIAM HAROLD TURNER, OR I SWEAR ON MY IDIOT SISTER'S GRAVE THAT I WILL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS!" I yelped. Will winced at the mention of his middle name. Good. Serves him right for walking in on me like this. Not a proper way to treat a lady, indeed.

I hastily pulled on the pants, trying not to think of who had been wearing these first. I mean, a shirt is one thing, but pants too? Good Lord, this is why women should be allowed to wear breeches instead of those stupid dresses. I had to poke a new whole in the officer's belt so they wouldn't fall down.

"Okay, you can turn around now," I said, turning my back to Will and ripping a large part of my robe to tie as a corset-like thing around my midriff. Not because I was particularly fond of corsets, but because the shirt was very loose.

Here lies a problem: I cannot tie something that is on my back. Will walked over (much to my dismay, and, annoyingly, thrill). "Here, let me," he said softly. If I had been Elizabeth, I would have fainted. But, thankfully, I am not. And so I only nearly fainted.

Die, hormones, die!

"There you go, miss," Will whispered. Oh, why did his voice do those stupid things to my stomach? I risked turning to face him. "Why so formal all of a sudden, Will?" I asked curtly, fidgeting, but trying not to, under his gaze. He said nothing, only leaned in a bit. I gulped, and turned away again quickly, ripping another sash from my robe and tying it as a head band. Will didn't move. He was much too close.

I darted away and practically flew up the stairs to get away. It was too stifling down there, and I was in dire need of air. Will followed me a moment later.

"Well, Miss Swann, you look absolutely ravishing," Jack said, sweeping his eyes over me appreciatively. If I had a penny for every time he did that, I'd be able to buy my own bloody ship and sail it without being visually molested every five seconds.

"Captain, I'd appreciate it if you didn't insist on being quite so formal, after all I am to be a fully participating member of this crew, aren't I?" I said, ignoring him. Jack nodded. "Right, then, well, Christina, have ye ever sailed on a ship before?" he asked. His eyes, I noticed, were not on my face. Bugger this, if they want to play this game, then I shall make their lives miserable. I walked up closer to the Captain.

"Well, no, not under the command of a pirate," I said, lowering my voice. He looked up and met my eyes in surprise. Aha. "Well, then, Miss, we shall have to get you acquainted with this ship now wont we?" he said, putting an arm around my waist. The things I have to put up with. I smiled. "Yes, we shall," I said flirtatiously. Will cleared his throat loudly. Oh for heaven's sake.

"Jack, we haven't got much time to dawdle, the _Pearl _is getting farther every second!" he said. I am so sure. But then, seeing as how he was obsessed with my sister, part of that statement might have been in earnest. Jack glared at Will.

"It'd do you good to remember who yer Captain is, ye savvy?" he muttered, and they set to work, leaving me with absolutely nothing to do. I looked up at the rigging and decided that while I was being ignored, I might as well try to climb up.

I had got maybe five feet up when Will and Jack started to talk. Of course, I was going to listen. Who wouldn't?

"When I was a lad living in England , my mother raised me by herself. After she died, I came out here, looking for my father," Will said. I held my breath - he didn't talk about his mother and father to anyone except me after we had finished practicing, or were taking a break.

"That so?" Jack asked, sounding bored. I wanted to jump on him. How dare he? Poor Will was talking about his mum and all Jack did was show not even the vaguest sympathy. Pirates.

"My father, Will Turner. And in jail it was only after you learned my name that you agreed to help. Since that's what I wanted, I didn't press the matter. I'm not a simpleton, Jack. You knew my father," Will pressed on excitedly. Clever boy, eh? I sighed quietly.

"I knew 'im. Probably one the few who knew him as William Turner, everyone else just called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap Bill," Jack said, his voice very carefully devoid of emotion. Will didn't seem to notice, but I did. Women usually do.

"Bootstrap?" Will asked.

"Good man, good pirate. I swear ye look just like him," Jack said, a bit like an uncle would talk to his nephew. I nearly fell out of the rigging. But Will's father had been dead for years, and he was a pirate? It took me a while to let this information soak in. Will's next words stirred me out of my thoughts.

"It's not true. He was a merchant sailor; a good, respectable man who obeyed the law!" he said angrily.

"He was a bloody pirate, a scallywag," Jack scoffed. My eyes darted between both men, a bit nervous. Surely Will would get all worked up and try to kill Jack. And where would that put us? In the middle of an ocean on a stolen ship with a dead pirate. Or a dead blacksmith, depending on how the duel could go. Not good.

"My father was not a pirate!" Will insisted. I don't know, I'd rather my father was a pirate than a spineless Governor who favors one daughter over the other. In fact, it'd be rather exciting if my father was a pirate. But I couldn't imagine him as one. It was just impossible.

Will took out his sword and held it at Jack's neck. I nearly fell out of the rigging again in an attempt to get down. My foot was caught in the ropes and I crashed unceremoniously onto the roof of the Captain's cabin. And was ignored.

"Put it away, son, it's not worth ye getting beat again. " Jack said quietly. I stood up to watch what was happening, and made my way down to the deck again as quietly as I could, which was pretty loudly.

"You didn't beat me; you ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd have killed you," Will said venomously. "And that's no incentive for me to fight fair, is it?" Jack asked, turning on the wheel thing and a huge beam swung out and knocked Will nearly clean off the ship. "Will!" I cried, and ran over only to be nearly knocked over when Jack held out his arm. Lovely.

"And as long as you're just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance – you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that someday. And me, for example, I can let you drown but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me ones, savvy? So…can you sail under the command of a pirate or can you not?" Jack asked. Will was hanging on and slipping, and I pushed against Jack, but he held me still.

"Tortuga?" Will asked. So _that_ was the word.

Jack swung him back onto the ship. Will landed hard on his back. I winced.

"Tortuga," Jack confirmed.

1.

Hours later the ship was docked and we were walking in a town that looked as if it was built on rum and whiskey and ale, and dirty men and women whose corsets were so tight that they were bursting out of their dresses. I had changed back into my nightgown, as it was dry, but had put on the officer's boots and jacket.

"You see, my lad, if every town on earth was like this on, no man would ever feel unwanted," Jack said triumphantly. I raised an eyebrow. "Or sober. And no woman would ever be without child," I muttered. Jack laughed heartily at that. Suddenly a thin red-haired woman walked purposefully up to Jack. "Scarlet!" Jack said, holding out his arms to her. Her dark eyes flashed dangerously under what had to be a ton of kohl lining. Her pale powdered face contorted with anger and grew redder than the rouge she wore.

She glared at me, "Who's she?" she asked. My eyes widened, "Oh, no, we're not, he's not - " I started to say, but she smacked Jack nonetheless. I blinked, shocked. Women at Port Royal surely never did that. "Not sure I deserved that," Jack said, looking dazed.

"Giselle!" he called as yet another woman walked up to him. With her blonde hair and fair skin, she was a slovenly version of my sister. "'Oo was she?" she sneered, smacking Jack hard across the jaw before he could answer. I could see where all those gold teeth came from.

"I may have deserved that," Jack confessed. Will raised an eyebrow and I laughed. Will took my hand, and after a few moments of trying and failing to pull my hand him his grasp, we followed Jack to a pig sty. Literally. Jack grabbed a bucket and dumped over a man who was sleeping with the pigs. I wasn't even about to begin to attempt to contemplate this.

"Can't I have a breather, you slack jawed idiot!" the man shouted, getting up. The pigs barely noticed the water. I wrinkled my nose. "Mother's love! Jack! You should know better then to wake a man when he's sleeping. 'S bad luck," the man said. He looked oddly familiar…

"Ah, fortunately I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking," Jack explain. I just barely followed that statement, and by the look on the man's face, neither did he.

"That'll about do it," he agreed finally. Jack grinned. Will tossed another bucket of water on him. "Blast! I'm already awake!" the man said. Will nodded, "That was for the smell," he answered. The man grumbled, and then he looked at me.

"Well, bless my eyes, if it isn't young Miss Swann!" he said. I blinked. "Don't tell me ye don't remember me? It's Francis Gibbs, from the ship under Captain Norrington? Eight years ago? You certainly became quite the pretty young thing, I remember when you were a gangly little runt," he said. I just stared, trying very hard to place this man. "Good Lord, Missy, you were only twelve back then, you can't not remember!" he said. Realization dawned on me.

"Oh! I do remember you!" I said. He grinned, "Now, where's that pretty little sister of yours? I'd like to see how she turned out," he asked. I looked away angrily, ignoring how Jack studied me carefully.

"Now, enough of that, I've got bad luck to counter," he said, shooting a questioning look at me. I avoided his gaze. "Keep a sharp eye out," Jack muttered to Will.  
"For Miss Christina, if for nothing else, there is nothing more dangerous than a drunk man on Tortuga. Except, perhaps, a woman scorned," he added thoughtfully as we headed for a pub.

Will and I leaned against a pillar as Mr. Gibbs sat hearing out Jack's proposal. We didn't hear much over the roar of drunk, smelly men and loose women. One particularly fat woman came and pressed herself up against Will. He inched away from her, grabbing me around the waist as a man (obviously very intoxicated) reached out for me. He put himself between me and that flea bitten scoundrel. I had an idea.

"Will," I whispered, leaning up and tucking my head safely into his neck. His breath caught and he looked down at me questioningly. "What are you up to, Christina?" he asked.

I grinned. "Just play along, maybe they'll leave us alone," I said. I took his free arm and drew it around me waist, and wrapped my arms around his neck, standing closer. I tried to see what was playing across his features at this, (most likely disgust) but as he looked down at me, there was a smile on his lips. This time my breath caught and I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from his lips, except to stare into his eyes. I bit my lip and my eyes ticked past his shoulder as Jack and Mr. Gibbs toasted to whatever they had said. I looked back to Will, who had moved closer. I swallowed hard.

"They're done," I said, trying to push away. He wouldn't let go. I groaned, "Will, now is not the time for you to pretend that I am Elizabeth, do let go," I said angrily. He blinked.

"Alright, you two, lets go. There's an inn we can stay at 'til morn' if ye'd like, or we can go back to the ship. But, Miss Christina, I think ye'd like some fresh clothes to wear, so we'll go get that for ye first," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from Will. I could breath again, now that I had my own personal space back. It was very hard to breathe around Will lately. He was like an emotional corset.

Jack dragged me, Will and Mr. Gibbs followed behind us. We left to stay at an inn, and Gibbs went off to sleep with his pigs. As I lay on the bed - and there was only one, seeing as how we didn't have much money, although the inn keeper had said he'd give us the room for free if I agreed to stay with him, which I did _not_ and Jack berated me for this after - I stared up at the ceiling. Jack had taken the floor, and Will had claimed a lumpy chaise as his bed. I tried not to notice how Will's breathing was unsteady and he was obviously still awake, like me.

This adventure would be the death of me, I just knew it.


	8. Shopping With Jack Sparrow

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

I was roused early the next morning by someone breathing in my ear. I bolted up, startled. Well you would be too if you had gone to bed alone last night, and woke up to someone's warm breath against your cheek.

Not that it was terribly unpleasant, but I looked up to meet the dark slightly teasing eyes of Captain Sparrow.

"Jack!" I choked, sitting up further and pulling the blankets over myself protectively. Not that I had anything to hide, because I was in my night gown yet again. He laughed quietly and sat up. "How long were you laying there?" I demanded, mortified. And I would have to be on a ship for God knows how long with this crude man!

"Don't worry Miss Swann," he said, his eyes twinkling. "I only just woke up, and since you're night gown is looking a bit under the weather," he cast his eyes down my body. I pulled the blankets tighter. "I thought I'd take up on my offer to go buy ye some suitable clothes," he finished, grinning impishly.

Normally, I would have smacked him for his impudence. After all, I am a lady. The Governor's daughter! However, here in Tortuga that meant nothing, and it would mean even less on the ship when we were out at sea. So forgetting all the "ladylike" manners that I'd had drilled into me since I was old enough to talk (i.e. when I was nine months old, and I'm twenty now, so that's a lot of manners, mind you), I grinned back.

"Sounds splendid, Captain," I said, just as Will woke up. And let me tell you, he looks absolutely edible with his hair all mussed up from sleep. Like I said, the manners and proper thoughts have been chucked out the window.

My heart jumped into my throat and I made this sort of strangled sound, which Jack of course noticed. He chuckled. "Young love," he muttered, and I smacked him. He looked at me innocently. Or as innocently as a pirate could look.

As I glared at Jack, Will glared even more viciously. In fact, I'm willing to wager that he made the look on my face seem positively loving. I had to bit back a grin. "Captain Sparrow, just what do you think you are doing?" Will hissed venomously. I raised an eyebrow, was Will going to play the role of Father to me on this little adventure? I seriously hoped not.

I cringed as he walked over with his - oh my - shirt all the way unbuttoned. The temperature in the room shot up about five thousand degrees. At least to me. Jack seemed quite unfazed, which is, I think, a good thing.

Will grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the bed roughly. "Damn it, Will!" I yelped, rubbing my shoulder. But I could hardly force down the thrill that shot through me. Was he jealous?

Then I remembered the reason we were even in this bloody inn, and that's because Will's ardor was reserved for Elizabeth alone. Not for the first time I realized I'd give anything to be her right about now. Even if the pirates who held her captive were doing as the song described…pillage, plunder, ravage (then again, remembering what those pirates who had come to the mansion looked, and smelled, like, perhaps I _was_ the lucky sister)…I yanked my arm back angrily, determined to quell these stupid feelings for Will. My _best friend_.\

"What is WRONG with you?" I snapped, glaring at him. He turned to me, looking shocked. Then he went to the couch where he'd slept and grabbed his sword, pointing it at Jack.

"I'll kill him if he…violated you," Will said fiercely. I raised an eyebrow, the rage that was building up in me nearly making me explode. Best friend or not, he was being ridiculous. "Don't you think you're over reacting a bit mate?" Jack asked, looking quite amused. He laid back and I realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. At all! Not even an unbuttoned one!

One would have thought my hormones would have picked up on this sooner. Stupid little buggers.

"Over reacting!" Will turned to me, as if _I_ had asked the question. "Christina, he was in BED with you!" Will shouted. "Yes, let's let all of Tortuga know this useful information, shall we?" I said coldly. "And what's it to you who I keep in my bed, William?" I was severely brassed off now. "I'm not my sister, in case you have forgotten? You don't have to pretend to care!" I shouted, stepping in front of his sword.

Will looked as if I'd punched him in the stomach (or worse), but I was too angry to care. If I was Elizabeth, Jack would be dead right now. The sheer fact that I was me kept him alive.

"You mean to defend him? He's a pirate!" Will spat, bewildered.

"And a good man," I said stoutly.

"And what has he done to convince you of this?" Will said shot back.

"Yeah, love, what've I done?" Jack asked. Will flinched. I smirked.

"Open your eyes, Will. Jack promised to take us to save my sister, he didn't let you die on the boat when he could have…"

"He was the one who put me in the position to die!" Will roared. I ignored him.

" …he brought us to Tortuga, he's going to assemble a crew so we can _save_ my sister who you happen to love _so_ much, and - " I said, leaving the most important for last. "- he's going to take me shopping,"

Jack laughed. "A woman's prerogative, mate," he explained to Will. I nodded, still glaring at Will. Daring him to say something.

"I do care about you, though," Will said quietly. _Oh no, don't say that_, I thought desperately, all my anger melting away. I tried to grab it, keep it from fading but no. It was gone. Damn it.

"So would you rather be in Jack's place?" I said boldly. Ha, who knew being uncouth could be so much fun? Will looked away. I snorted. "Didn't think so," I hissed, pulling on the red jacket and walking out of the room.

1.

Jack hurried soon after, catching up with me on the streets of Tortuga. His shirt was buttoned unevenly, as Will's shouts had chased him out the door. "Wait, Miss Swann," he called. I stopped. "Since you've been in my bed, I think it's safe to say we're on a first name basis now, Jack," I smirked. He grinned.

"I'm sorry if I've caused that little fight between you and dear William," he said. I was touched by his sensitivity, and told him so. "Tis rather unbecoming of a pirate, if I may be so bold to say so, Jack," I said. He laughed again. "Well, you walking about in that torn up old nightie is rather unbecoming of a lady," he answered.

"That," I said, "Is not my fault. Besides, its not like I have much to compare too," I continued, nodding towards a wench who was asleep in a pile of hay with a bottle of rum in her hand and a man on her bosom. Oh no, I was certainly not the worst example of a lady here.

1.

But, I realized when we came out of the last shop, I was well on my way to becoming one of the worst examples of a lady, even in Tortuga! I was wearing breeches and boots, and a full bodied shirt, much like Jack's. In fact, I was dressed nearly identical to him, the only difference being I was wearing a corset. "For support," Jack said slyly. I tossed the turkey thigh that I'd been eating at him.

"I take it you're rather fond of young Mr. Turner," Jack said as we were walking back to the inn. "Perceptive," I said sarcastically. "Though, not quite fond of him at the moment." Jack waited for me to elaborate.

"Well, if you _must_ know, Will's been my best friend for years now - ever since we were, what was it…twelve I think. Yes, but recently he's be so infatuated with Elizabeth," I sneered her name, making Jack chuckle again. I smiled despite myself. "And I don't blame him for it, what sensible man wouldn't be infatuated with her?" I said, frowning now.

"Hell, what man with proper male organs wouldn't be?" I said bitterly. Jack's eyebrows shot up. "Perhaps we _should _have bought you clothes becoming of a lady," he said. I glared at him. He sighed. "Well, love, I may not be sensible but I can assure you that I have all the 'proper male organs' as you so modestly put it; and I don't find myself attracted, or infatuated, with little Elizabeth in the slightest," he said.

I laughed, "Oh, right," I said.

"No, really," Jack said hurriedly. I turned to him, my hands on my hips. "Do explain, Captain," I said. He grinned. "Your sister, from what I saw of her, is a right spoiled thing, full of herself and not too bright, after all she didn't have the sense to sense to stand away from me at the Port," Jack said.

"You cant possibly get all that from just meeting her once. Actually, you didn't even meet her, you just nearly strangled her," I pointed out.

"You're right," Jack answered. "But I think she's quite the opposite of you."

"You can say that again."

"Except, you're both very easy on the eyes," he said.

"Do be truthful with me, Captain Sparrow. Lies are not becoming on you," I said, laughing again. Jack raised an eyebrow. "Ol' Jack doesn't like, Christina," he said. I looked up, that was the first time he ever used my name.

"Oh, bollocks, I'll wager that was a lie right there!" I said. We walked on in silence.

"She's really not all that bad," I said. Jack nodded, "Well, you know her better than I do, but tell me, if she looked how she acted, would she be quite as pretty?" he asked. I didn't say anything for a while.

"I believe you are making assumptions of that which you do not know, Jack," I said quietly. He shrugged, "Juss' a question," he said. "But from what I see and what I know, I like ye better," I hung my head.

Jack stopped and looked at me. "Now, what's all this?" he asked. I sighed, "Nothing at all…" I murmured. Jack started walking, "Maybe he love's ye too," he said.

"I don't -"

Jack snorted, "Like ye said, how could he love someone he doesn't know? He probably just likes your sister's looks. Men are like that, we're idiots,"

"Thanks, that makes me feel a whole lot better," I said. He grinned. "She loves him too," I said.

"His looks," Jack said dismissively.

"But I couldn't come between that - "

"Between _what,_ love?" Jack said, exasperated. "They have nothing. She's courting the Commodore, and he's courting his swords. If you want to boy, then go take him," A lot of what Jack was saying was making sense, and it surprised me to find out just how wise he actually was. One wouldn't expect that, after all he was a pirate. But then there was a lot that I didn't know, a fact that I had just learned recently.

"He wont even look at me that way," I moaned. Jack stopped again, and I winced. I was afraid that I might have annoyed him just a bit too much. I couldn't help it though, I've never told anyone this. Not even Mary, who was my best friend besides Will. And of course I didn't discuss this with Will himself.

"Why not?" Jack was saying. "He's not stupid, although he does a brilliant job of acting it."

"Exactly," I said darkly, clucking my tongue. The buttons on Jack's shirt were still uneven. I stopped and turned to him and began to fix them. On a whim, mind you. I decided to ignore, once again, how his eyebrows shot up and how he grinned insolently. I decided to ignore a lot of things that Jack did.

He took my hand and looked into my eyes. "What are you doing?" I asked. Jack looked away and I followed his gaze to see Will glaring. "You've just given me a wonderful idea, love," Jack muttered. I guessed he was speaking to me.

"What?"

"Don't worry, Christina, all hope is not lost!" he declared flamboyantly, kissing me on the nose. I blinked. He took my hand and pulled me along to meet Will. I was now wholly, utterly, completely, and totally bewildered.

1.

We were now standing at the docks and lined up before us was the crew that would be under Captain Sparrow. They were the people who would go with us to find my sister. "Feast your eyes, Captain. All of them, faithful hands before the mast. Every man worth his salt. And crazy to boot." Mr. Gibbs said. I raised my eyebrows.

"So this is your able-bodied crew?" Will asked. I glanced at him. He looked a bit perturbed. Jack glared at him for a moment, walking up and down the line.

"You, sailor!" Jack barked, looking at an old man with scraggly gray hair and wrinkled sun burnt skin.

"Cotton, sir." Mr. Gibbs said helpfully.

Jack nodded. "Mr. Cotton . Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? Mr. Cotton ! Answer me!"

"He's a mute, sir. Had his bloody tongue cut out, so he trained the parrot to talk for him. We haven't yet figured out how..." Mr. Gibbs said. I felt my jaw drop as Mr. Cotton opened his mouth and showed his stump of a tongue. Jack looked just as nauseous, sticking his tongue out as well. "Mr. Cotton 's... parrot. Same question." Jack said hesitantly. I raised an eyebrow.

"Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails," the parrot squawked.

"Mostly, we figure, that means 'yes.'" Mr. Gibbs said. "O'course it does. Satisfied?" Jack said pointedly to Will, winking at me.

"Well, you've proved that they're mad." Will said. I laughed, against my will. I was determined to stay angry, and already it wasn't working.

"And what's the benefit for us?" came a squeaky voice from the end of the line. Jack walked over to a boy, I guessed, but the voice was definitely feminine no matter how this sailor tried to disguise it. Or maybe just a pre-pubescent boy.

I followed Jack. He took the hat from the sailor's head and thick, long dark hair, much like mine but darker, tumbled down. "Anamaria." Jack said. I looked curiously between the two of them. Jack seemed amused, Anamaria looked like she was going to kill him. And then she smacked him. Hard.

"I suppose you didn't deserve that one either." Will said. I bit my cheek so hard it started to bleed. Will had looked at me, as if trying to see whether or not I found him funny. The operative words being 'as if' I suppose. I stared straight ahead, ignoring him, because I knew if I looked at him I wouldn't be angry anymore, and then Jack's "plan" wouldn't work. I highly doubted it would work anyway.

"No, that one I deserved." Jack answered. Anamaria nodded. "You stole my boat!" she said.

"Actually," Jack began, but she slapped him again before he had the chance to continue. I winced, Anamaria hit him a lot harder than the loose women of Tortuga.

"… borrowed, borrowed without permission. But with every intention of bringing it back," he continued after a pause.

"But you didn't!" Anamaria hissed, clearly seething. Her dark eyes were flashing. Frankly, I thought she could be my sister sooner than Elizabeth could. She had dark hair, and tanned skin (although mine was more olive than brown) and brown eyes (although mine were lighter). Other than that, we could be twins.

"You'll get another boat," Jack said.

"I _will_." Anamaria said, her voice harboring on the edge of threatening and suspicious.

"A better one," Will offered helpfully, and then glancing at me. I ignored him, watching Anamaria. Thank goodness I wouldn't be the only woman on the ship.

"A better one!" Jack said enthusiastically.

"That one," Will said, pointing to the Interceptor.

"What one? That one!" Jack asked, practically yelping. Will nodded vigorously. "Aye! That one. What say you?" Jack asked, glaring at Will.

"Aye!" they shouted. And we were off. Or, nearly…

"No, no, no, no, no, it's frightful bad luck to bring a woman aboard, sir," Mr. Gibbs said. I glared at him, and so did Anamaria. "It'd be far worse not to," Jack said, looking at Anamaria and I. And we were off, to save my sister! Huzzah!

Not.


	9. How To Survive A Windless Day

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

I think, perhaps, I should make it clear that I have never sailed a ship before. That said, it is understandable that I should be quite the most useless object (I say object because I really didn't have a purpose besides standing by Jack by the big wheel and having the top of my head roast in the sun) on the Interceptor.  


Will seemed quite at home on the ship, which irks me because he lived with his mother up until he was eight, and then he came to Port Royal and was Mr. Brown's apprentice. When did he learn how to be a sailor?  


Then unfairness of it all nearly struck me dumb.  


The days were never really boring, because I just go to observe what everyone did all day, while Jack took my hand the allowed me to turn the wheel once in a while. No body was ever still on this ship (except me), seeing as how we didn't exactly have that many in our crew in the first place, and the Interceptor was quite large. I spent each day completely envious of Anamaria, who was easily one of the best sailors there, despite her being a woman. In fact, she was better than a lot of the men on board.  


It was our third day out at sea, I think, when the horizon darkened over and huge purple thunder clouds gathered. In a blink of an eye they were open us, the air turning warm and sickly, like trying to breathe in water. A storm would be upon us, but for the moment all was calm. I tried very hard not to panic, as silence swamped over the crew. They knew what would happen in a moment or two. But I had never seen a storm at sea. Without warning, the storm struck.

Will and Mr. Gibbs were shouting to each other over to my left. "How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn't work?" Will was saying above the wind. He never put much faith in things he didn't know, like when I'd tell him stories that I'd read about pirates and treasure and adventures where everything was right in the end.  


"Well, we're not trying to find north now are we?" Mr. Gibbs shouted back darkly. The winds doubled their efforts to sweep us under the ocean, ending all chance at conversation as if it didn't want and further words spoken. The sky grew darker, until we left pitch-black far behind in the darkness that surrounded us now, and the waves reached up as if Neptune himself was trying to grab our ship and drag us under. The ship rocked and I tumbled from where I was standing, getting smacked against the side of the ship.  


"Should we drop canvas, sir?" Gibbs called. I grabbed a rope and pulled myself up, my feet nearly slipping out from under me again. I tasted an iron-y tang in my mouth - I must have bit my tongue when I hit my head.

"She can hold a bit longer," Jack shouted over the scream of the wind. Will grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, I was too terrified to protest. I was so sure that the boat would capsize, and we'd all die.  


Mr. Gibbs shouted something, I couldn't hear. But I heard Jack's answer, "We're catching up."

1.

The next day all was calm, as if the sea wanted to make us believe that the storm had never happened. I was laying in the cabin, staring up at the bunk on top of me. Anamaria walked in. "That's a nasty cut you've got there, Princess," she sneered, nodding to my forehead. I didn't say anything, just kept staring up. When she left a few minutes later, I got up and walked out into the bright sunlight of the afternoon. But I'd taken a dagger I'd found in the cabin and hid it in my boot. If we were going looking for pirates, I wanted an extra weapon on me. Besides, I knew about the mutinies on pirate ships. You couldn't trust pirates, maybe not even Jack Sparrow. I wasn't entirely stupid.  


The sun was high and beating down like it wanted to boil the sea until it was gone. "No wind today," Jack muttered. Will paced angrily, "They'll have gotten ahead, we wont be able to catch up!" he said. I sighed, "If we have no wind, what makes you think they do?" I asked. Honestly, in all his desperation for my idiot sister, he seemed to have forgotten basic intelligence.  


"The _Black Pearl _- " he started after a moment, looking shocked. It was the first time I'd spoken to him in four days, besides one word answers to his attempts at conversation. Not that we had too much time to talk, with him being a sailor and me busy with the nothing that I had to do. I was getting quite good at nothing, too.  


"The _Pearl _is just a ship, though they that sail her are unnatural. She cannot sail without the wind," Jack said. "And how do you know so much about it?" Will asked suspiciously. Jack shrugged, "Heard the tales," he said.  


The day passed slowly, the sun as unforgiving and unrelenting as nothing I've seen before. "A pirate's life isn't so interesting after all," I mused, just to see if my voice still worked. Will looked up, as did Jack, but it was Anamaria who answered.  


"Well what could we do to entertain you, Princess?" she said nastily. Jack shot her a look, I felt myself blush and looked down. "Actually," Will said slowly. I didn't look up. "Christina, it's been a while since we've had a lesson in swordsmanship," he continued.  


I looked up, trying not to show the budding excitement in me. "Your point?" I said dryly. Will smiled. "I wonder d'you reckon you're good enough to beat me now?" he asked. I grinned. "If Jack could beat you, I definitely can," I said smugly.  


"Oh, really?" Will asked.  


"Will, if you fancy a duel you have only to ask," I chastised mockingly.  


Will grabbed his sword and tossed me mine. It was the one he'd made for me when I'd asked him to teach me how to fight. He said he'd made it especially for me, it was lighter than most swords, but just as strong. He'd engraved my name in the hilt and a picture of a raven. I'd nearly kissed him the day he'd given it to me, but that was also the day he'd asked me about Elizabeth and what did she think of him and could I please casually mention him to her and then tell him what she'd said...so the sword was just a pretty thing given to me by my best-friend-nothing-more. I'd gotten home that day and had a good scream, but it didn't help the way it used to.  


"Would you fancy a duel, Miss Swann?" Will asked now, politely bowing. I mimed a curtsy, seeing as how I no longer wore a dress. "Why, certainly, Mr. Turner," I said, grinning, forcing all thoughts of him and Elizabeth away. The crew gathered around to watch, Jack grinning and Anamaria glaring and rolling her eyes. "Winner's mine," Mr. Gibbs said suddenly. I felt a smile tug at my lips.  


We began to duel, swords slashing and clanging loudly in the almost-silence of the sea. I couldn't think, I was so lost in the graceful dance, because that's what it was, really. A graceful, dangerous dance. My mind seemed to quiet itself and just let my body flow. Will struck, I parried and so on and so forth. We moved all over the ship, the crew had to move away a couple of times to avoid being hit. I had to walk up the stairs backwards, still fighting. I'd never fought like this before, in the lessons that Will gave me I wasn't even that good. But here, on a ship, out at sea, no longer in stupid bodice it was entirely different. I was as good as Will. I wondered if the change in scenery made me stronger, or if I had this in me all along.  


I wondered vaguely what Anamaria would be thinking now. I stole a look at her, and she was watching with wide eyes as if me fighting was the last thing she'd expected. Jack was watching her with a smile on his lips, and then he turned to me. I winked. Will, thinking I was distracted I supposed, swung his sword high. I ducked and crouched to the ground, kicking his feet out from under him. He fell to the floor with an "Oof."  


I grinned, standing over him. "Do you yield, Mr. Turner?" I asked, the tip of my blade at his neck. He stared up at me with wide eyes and nodded reluctantly. I reached down and took his hand, helping him up. "It seems you cannot beat anyone, Will," I teased. He smiled. "Have you been taking more lessons without telling me?" he asked. "Actually I haven't," I answered. He looked at me, and I couldn't read the expression he had. "You're very good, you know," he said.  


"Well, I had a good teacher," I told him, smiling. Let's see if Elizabeth could do that. The fighting, I mean, not the smiling. She certainly could smile, and when she did all the idiot men at Port Royal nearly fainted like the morons they were. Even the married ones! Faithless, stupid, conniving men.  


"Alright now, Gibbs did say he'd fight the winner," Jack said. "Oh, aye, sure he will," Anamaria said, "When he's sober somewhat, and we know that shan't happen soon. So I'll fight the Princess here. See how she fares against a pirate," she said, glaring at me.

I raised my chin. "Very well," I said. She hopped down from where she was sitting and grabbed her sword. I held mine at ready, prepared for another duel. Not for nothing, but dueling does take a lot out of you. And I really wanted to rip her teeth out. Princess! I've never been more insulted in my pathetic Elizabeth-tortured life!  


We fought, she was very good. As good as Will, maybe even better, in her own way. She was anything but predictable, attacking in one second and defending in the next. I felt myself getting tired, but I would not give up. For four days I'd had to live on this ship being called Princess and being sneered at like I was some simpering moron. I was determined to beat her. She talked to me like I was someone like my sister.  


Not that she knew my sister of course, but obviously she thought that because I was the Governor's daughter I'd never done anytime of work in my life. Which is somewhat true, I haven't, unless you consider putting up with Elizabeth and my father work. Which I do. And the fencing lessons. Well, taxing though they were, they weren't really work. I enjoyed them.  


Nevertheless, when she knocked my sword from my hands I was angry. I spun around and flew up the stairs, grabbing another sword from a crew members sheath, and turned back meeting her blade. I didn't have a good grip on the pommel, so the vibrations burned my hand and I nearly dropped it. I gritted my teeth and held on, feeling the contact shooting its way up my arm. Some of the crew winced. I bit my lip and lunged, taking her off guard. I fought my way back down the stairs, not letting up. She looked a bit shocked, but fought back defensively.  


We fought for several more minutes, but I was no longer tired. She lunged and cut my arm, I snarled and curses flew from my mouth. I hardly heard the laughter of the crew. Part of my mind was shocked at what I'd just said, but most of me didn't care. Something was buzzing in my blood, I would not give up this fight until she killed me.  


Luckily, she didn't have to because I knocked her sword away and grabbed the dagger from my boot, holding it up under her chin. If I was nothing else, I was, at least, fast.

"Do you yield, _Princess_?" I spat angrily. "How did I fare against a pirate now, Anamaria?" I said, sneering. Her dark eyes met mine, flashing madly. "Do you yield?" I whispered again. She dropped her sword, pursing her lips. "I yield," she said clearly. I pulled the dagger away, hiding it in my boot again, and tossed the sword back to its owner. Jack and Will were both looking at me with identical incredulous expressions. I raised my eyebrows and adjusted the bandana I'd made from my robe.  


By now it was cooler, the winds from the sea were a blessing to my sticky skin. Jack smirked at Anamaria, who was glaring furiously at me. I smiled back proudly. She dropped her gaze. "You're very skilled, Princess," she said, but not in her usual nasty way. I nodded but didn't say anything.  


"Do you think ye've got the energy for one more duel?" Jack asked, hopping down from his seat. My eyes widened - did he mean to duel with me? Jack Sparrow wanted to duel with me, Christina Swann, the Governor's daughter? I nearly laughed at how badly I would be beaten. Will was one thing, and Anamaria, but Jack Sparrow? I was only kidding when I said if Jack could beat Will then I certainly could. And yet I was itching to try. Even though I knew I'd probably be staring down the barrel of a pistol in thirty seconds time. Or feeling a cold blade pressed against my neck.  


I took a deep breath, "Who wishes to challenge me then, Captain?" I asked. He gave me a look. "Now Christina, yer a bright girl. Don't go around acting stupid like dear William," he said, nodding at Will, who glared. I smiled. "Alright, Captain, if it's a duel you want then of course I shall oblige," I said.  


"Good, 'cause you'd walk the plank if ye didn't," he said mock seriously. Or, at least, I hoped mock seriously. I nodded, and picked up my sword from where it had fallen when Anamaria disarmed me.  


For the third time that day, I began to fight. For the first few moments I fought defensively, trying to figure out Jack's fighting style. But it was useless, he was never consistent. So I fought back, hard and unrelenting. I barely paused to defend myself, which turned out to be a mistake when Jack tripped me. He grinned down at me, but before he could pin me to the floor with the sword, I rolled backwards. Like I said, fast.  


We fought and fought until nearly all my energy was spent and I was fighting only because I didn't think I had the strength to stop. Suddenly Jack's sword was at my neck and I had to stop moving or I'd have my throat slit open by my own stupidity. "Do you yield, Miss Swann?" he asked, his eyes twinkling in the dusk. I wanted to say yes, I really did, but my mind had lost the ability to function. He repeated the question, but I didn't hear it. Suddenly in the tired, muddled depths of my mind, an idea formed.  


"I…" I said slowly, reaching up and touching the tip of the sword. I took a step towards the Captain, slowly pushing the sword away and looking up at him through my lashes. I was aiming for seductive, but, hey, I had my doubts. After all, I'm not Elizabeth...Jack looked a little more than shocked, but didn't move.  


When I stood toe to toe with him, I looked up and met his eyes. I nearly laughed at the lust I saw, for God's sake, I was sweaty and smelly and still this pirate could think of nothing but the low cut neck line of my shirt, and how my corset worked for "support." I reached down and pulled the pistol from his belt. "I do not yield," I started to say, but out of no where he conjured up a dagger and held it to my throat.  


So we stood, him with a pistol over his heart, and me with a dagger to my throat. Mr. Gibbs roared with laughter, and Will, I saw from the corner of my eye, was glaring at me. God knows why. "You cheated," Jack said. I snorted, "Woman," I explained. "Though, I could say the same for you. Cheated," I said glancing at his hand which still held the dagger under my chin.  


"I think it be a draw," Mr. Gibbs said, patting the Captain on the back. I handed Jack his pistol, and he put his dagger away. He smiled at me, "I think ye've proved yerself, miss," he said. I grinned and headed down to the cabin to sleep. As I passed by Will I flashed a grin at him, but he was still glaring at me.  


Oh bloody well.

1.

The next few days passed without incident, although Will was extremely cold towards me after the duel. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. But it wasn't something I thought about too much anymore anyway. It was a lost cause, after all, wasn't it?  


So I spent my days sometimes up at the big wheel with the Captain, sometimes climbing the rigging and sitting all the way on top and just watching the sea. It was so beautiful up there. After the duels, Anamaria seemed to have gained a bit of respect for me, although she still called me Princess. But she was more tolerable than Elizabeth was on one of her good days, so it wasn't all that bad. She would toss hints at me, telling me the differences between the starboard side and the…other…side. As much as I tried to hang onto all these little facts, they slipped away when I stared out at the sea.  


It was our sixth day at sea that I sat atop the tallest mast and let the wind take my hair (which by now was starting to resemble Jack's with my eyes closed. I never wanted to leave this ship, it was more like home to me than the Governor's mansion had ever been. But, I realized, I was also longing for solid ground under my feet, and some different (clean) clothes. I sighed and thought of my mother. I wonder if she had ever sat up on a ship like this and listened to the muffled sounds of the crew below, and the gulls above, and the never ending sea, and thought about me.  


Probably not. She'd have had better things to think about. Like Elizabeth, for one. Didn't just about everyone think more about Elizabeth than me? Except, perhaps, for Jack. And even he was a long shot.  


But my mother, from what I remembered of her, she was the only one in my whole life who treated me the same as Elizabeth. As if I wasn't the ugly version of the twin. As if I was just as good. Operative words, once again, being "as if."  


And then she had to run off with a pirate. She could have at the very least taken me with her.  


I don't know how long I stayed up there, just complaining about the injustice of my getting the leftover traits from my mother and father. It was a rant that I usually avoided thinking about, and that I never under any circumstances said out loud. Not even to Mary, even though she seemed to know anyway. I wouldn't give Elizabeth the satisfaction of knowing that more than anything else in the world I wanted to look like her, and have men tripping over themselves to kiss her stupid hand and ask for that stupid dance.  


Over the years I'd gotten accustomed to being the overlooked one, but on this ship where the only other girl was Anamaria, who looked somewhat like me, and there was no Elizabeth for the men to be fawning over. I liked being the only Swann here. I liked the fact that I wasn't overlooked, that people actually looked at me and talked to me instead of staring right through until they saw beautiful Elizabeth grace the room with her presence.  


I liked having Will all to myself.  


Not that it particularly mattered anymore, seeing as how he wasn't even talking to me.

AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW BLOODY WHY.  


"Men," I huffed.  


"Yes, they are a bit exasperating, aren't they?" Anamaria said from behind me. She hopped into the little cup thing that I was sitting in. She sat opposite me, in the same stance, arms wrapped around her knees. "So which son of a bitch are ye mopin on about, Princess?" she asked. "Absolutely no one," I said angrily. "And do find some other name for me, won't you?" I asked.

Anamaria laughed, "Thas' yer name to me, Princess, I cant help it," she said. I sighed. "It's that William boy isn' it?" she asked. I looked up, shocked. "No it's not," I said snottily. Sounding just like Elizabeth.

She grinned cheekily at me. "He's a looker, aint 'e? What a body…woo and that backside!" she said. I glared, more at how my face was getting hot and my cheeks most likely flushing magenta. I cheered myself by thinking of how when Elizabeth blushes, its not attractive. That's about the one thing she doesn't do prettily. Her face gets all splotchy. She doesn't cry beautifully either. It's her nostrils, you see. They flare. And my father thinks that I'm just being evil when I laugh at her when she cries. But her face is so damn hilarious!  


Still, the men only love it more when she gets all splotchy and red. Bah! Men!  


"Ah, I can see it on yer face. You fancy the boy," Anamaria crowed.  


"What boy?" someone asked. I looked up. Oh Good Lord, it was Will.  


"Not you," I said angrily. Anamaria just kept on laughing. Never mind, she was just as infuriating as my sister. And now that I looked at her, just as pretty, in a brown-village-girl- island-princess sort of way. DAMN THE WENCH! Damn them both.  


Will hopped into the cup, which was going to fall into the sea because of all our weight, I was so sure. Maybe at least then my face would cool off and not get all pink. "Christina, you're face is all pink did you get sunburned?" Will asked. Anamaria just laughed harder. "She's blushing," the little witch said oh-so-helpfully.  


"I am not. As a matter of fact, yes, I did get sunburned. But it's going away, just like you right, Anamaria?" I said, glaring at her. She took the hint and waggled her eyebrows at me before jumping out of the cup and holding onto the rigging.  


"Ravage her within an inch of her life, William," she said, patting his shoulder. My mouth fell open, I refused to believe what I just heard what she said. Will looked embarrassed, turning to me after Anamaria left.  


"What was that all about?" he asked, looking sideways at me.  


"You're quite mistaken if you think I know. Why are we suddenly on speaking terms again?" I asked, glaring at him. In a moment I would jump out of this stupid cup thing and fall into the ocean and drown and not have to deal with this idiocy anymore.  


"That's what I came here about, I wanted apologize."  


"For what? For...hmm lets see, refusing to talk to me for no damn reason? Oh, don't worry too much about that Will, it doesn't matter to me anyway." I said.  


"It doesn't?"  


"No."  


"Oh," he said quietly.  


"Why? Should it matter to me?" I asked. He fidgeted a little. I sighed, running my hand through my hair. Which was another mistake on my part, because I hadn't brushed my hair in a week and my hand got stuck. "Bother," I muttered, wrestling my hand out of my hair. Or trying to. How did Jack live! Will chuckled.  


"Don't you laugh at me. You know what, I don't even know why you're here!" I said angrily. I didn't even know why I was so angry, except I felt like a fool with my hand stuck in my hair. I yanked on it, tears coming to my eyes and my scalp felt like it was ripping in two. 

"I told you -"  


"Yes, you told me that you wanted to apologize. But it doesn't matter Will. We're here to save my sister. Once you play the hero and rescue her pretty little blonde head you'll go and get married and send my father to an early grave, and I'll be nothing to you but a sister-in-law seeing as how I don't need anymore lessons, because one: when we get back, I'll never see a ship again and two: I beat you already. So what did you have to tell me again?" I asked, finally getting my hand free and crossing my arms over my chest, glaring up at him. He paused for a moment, looking anywhere but at me. I wanted to scream at him to look at me just once the way he looked when he thought of my sister.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I looked down and saw the crew gathered and looking over the edge of the ship.  


"You're going to have to wait, I think we're finally here," I said, hurrying down to the deck.


	10. Elizabeth's Return

Title: How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister

Author: Whose ff.net account are you currently at? Here's a hint, starts with a C and ends with a rystyna…

Disclaimer: That disclaimer was getting a bit boring wasn't it? Time for a new one! *pulls out magic curling iron* Will Turner, awaken and be mine!!! Poster, poster on the wall: Who's the fairest one of all?

Will Turner Poster: Elizabeth Swann!

Crystyna: Wrong answer babe. *burns poster of Elizabeth, does psychotic death-to-Elizabeth dance*

Will Turner: *faints*

Crystyna: Well, while he's sleeping…*turns to Jack Sparrow poster*

Jack: Don't look at me, luv.

****

0.o

…Yeah…and so I don't own anything remotely pirate related…

Summary: Elizabeth has a sister (called Christina) and they are complete opposites. Call it a Mary Sue if you must, frankly I don't give half a starved rat's ass. Or half of any rat's ass for that matter, even a fed and tamed one. Pro-Elizabeth don't read.

A/N: Don't really have nothing to say right now…R/R please!

~*~

"All these ships and boats show how many sailors have been claimed by this passage," Mr. Gibbs said darkly. We were leaning over the edge of the boat, looking at wreckage from many, many ships. I shivered, so this was the downside to being caught as a pirate?

"How is it that Jack came by that compass?" Will asked. He was standing next to me, and Mr. Gibbs was next to him. 

"Not a lot known about Jack Sparrow before he showed up in Tortuga with a mind to go after the treasure of the Isla de Muerta . That was before I met him. That was when he was Captain of the Black Pearl." 

"Captain? Of the Black Pearl?" I asked, shocked.

"He failed to mention that," Will said.

"He found its best place things closer to the vest now. And a hard learned lesson it was," Mr. Gibbs said, warming up to a little round of story telling. I looked curiously at Jack, who was carefully maneuvering the Interceptor through all the broken pieces of what not in the water. "…See three days out on the venture the first mate comes to him and says everything's an equal share as should be the location of the treasure, too. So, Jack gives up the bearings. That night there was a mutiny. They marooned Jack on an island and left him to die but not before he got mad with hate," Mr. Gibbs continued.

"Poor Jack…" I murmured, earning yet another look from Will. 

"So that's the reason for the…" Will did an impression of Jack. I raised an eyebrow at him. He stopped, and turned back to Mr. Gibbs. 

"Reason's got nothing to do with it. Now Will, when a man is marooned he is a given a pistol with a single shot. Well it won't do much good hunting or to be rescued. But after three days of …" My mind wandered off, I stared at the water and imagined all the dead people at the bottom, all the pirates and the merchants, and all the treasure…I looked at Jack, who, to my surprise, was looking back towards Will, Mr. Gibbs and I. "…that pistol starts to look real friendly. But Jack made it off the island and he still has that one shot. Oh, but he won't use it though, save for one man. His mutinous First Mate."

"And the First Mate deserves to be shot, too," I said savagely. Will looked at me, "Barbossa," he said. Aha…now why couldn't I figure that one out? I nodded.

"Aye, he does, Miss Christina. Barbossa," Mr. Gibbs spat the name like a curse.

"How did Jack get off the island?" Will asked. 

"Well I'll tell you: He waded out into the shallows and there he waited three days and three nights till all manner of sea creature came and clambered to his presence. And on the fourth morning he roped himself a couple of sea turtles, fixed 'em together and made a raft." Gibbs stated proudly.

"He…roped a couple of sea turtles?" I asked. That was mad, even for Jack. Mad enough for me not to believe. Much like the fact that I was, supposedly, my father's biological daughter, and my sisters biological twin. Yeah…right.

"Aye, sea turtles," Mr. Gibbs said.

"And…what did he use for rope?" Will asked. 

"Human hair…from my back," Jack's gruff voice said from behind me. He was smirking.

"Eww, you have hair on your back?" I asked.

"Not anymore, luv," Jack replied. Gross….

"Let go of the anchor…young Mr. Turner and I are to go to shore," Jack said. "Hey, what about me?" I asked, sounding whiny (like Elizabeth…ech!). "You _must _stay here, Christina, it's too dangerous with all those pirates." Will said.

"Horse shit," I spat, and Will looked stunned. Jack, however, nodded slightly. "Well, if that doesn't clear it up for you, mate, nothing will," he said. "I came this far already, don't tell me its to bloody dangerous now," I shouted.

"Touché ," Jack said, eager to get aboard.

"Christina, no…"

"You'll need a good fighter, if they catch you!"

"We're not going to get caught, love, we're going to be fast. It'll just be a hassle for you to come with us," Will said. I blinked. Love? It meant nothing coming from always drunk Jack, who tossed the nickname out to everyone, even Mr. Cotton's parrot. But Will? Oh…wait, identity crisis, I'm not Elizabeth, so therefore it meant nothing anyway. Silly me.

"So now I'm just a hassle?" I hissed.

"That's not what I meant," Will said desperately. "Well it sure God damned sounded like it, Will!" I yelled. He rubbed his face tiredly. "Look, we don't have much time, just stay here. Please? For me?" he asked. I groaned. For me? For me?! That scheming, tricksy, manipulative little…He already caught me off guard with that 'love' stuff…I frowned.

"Fine," I said quietly. He smiled, touching my face gently, "I'll come back, and I'll have your sister too. Don't worry," he said, heading off with Jack to save Goddess Elizabeth from the perils of Barbossa and his crew.

"It's not her I'm worried about," I whispered without thinking. 'For me'…why did he have to pull that one on me?!

~*~

I paced around the ship angrily, wishing more and more that I'd just defied Will and gone anyway. If I had any pride that's what I would have done. But no, I am just a simpering corset wearing moron, just like the rest of 'em... "They should be back by now! They should be back, shouldn't they, Mr. Gibbs?" I asked. Anamaria smirked at me. "A little worried about wittle Willie, now are we, Princess?" she asked. I glared at her, "I'm in no mood for your rubbish now, Anamaria, so I suggest you shut up," I seethed. She laughed, "Don't worry, Princess, Jack'll have them back."

"I hope so,"

"He will. And let me give ye a word of advice, straight from Anamaria to ye. If you don' wan' Will to know ye fancy 'im, then stop being so bloody awful to 'im," she said. Mr. Gibbs nodded, "Yer makin' in painfully obvious, if ye don't mind me saying, Miss Christina," he said.

"What?!" I gasped.

"It's the law o' the Universe. I'm surprise he aint figured it out yet. Buh maybe tha's because he's so preoccupied with yer sister," Anamaria said.

"Gee, thanks," I muttered, turning to go away.

"Nah, its 'cause he's trying to figure out how to impress ye," Mr. Gibbs said. I turned around to look at him skeptically, raising an eyebrow. It dawned on me the for most of my life I've only felt skeptical and sarcastic. I must be a truly bitter person… "You've been drinking too much again, Mr. Gibbs," I said wistfully. He shrugged, "If ye say so, Miss Christina, if ye say so,"

"Blockhead," squawked Mr. Cotton's parrot.

"Eh, the parrots right, maybe he's jus dumb." Anamaria snorted, darting up the rigging before I could throw something at her.

I resumed my pacing, trying not to think of what Mr. Gibbs had said. After all, what Anamaria had told me, as blunt as she was, made more sense. It was much easier to comprehend…

"Dead men tell no tales," Mr. Cotton's parrot squawked, just like he'd done five minutes before, and five minutes before that, and before that etc. etc… "Bloody hell, will someone _please _shut up that _stupid parrot!_" I yelled. Mr. Cotton looked reproachfully at me. "Sorry," I muttered, going down into the cabin and in a few moments time, which seemed like hours mind you, came back up again.

"Not more pirates," I heard my sister's whiny voice exclaim. "Welcome aboard, Miss Elizabeth," I heard Mr. Gibbs answer. "Elizabeth! _Will!_" I cried, launching myself at both of them. I hugged my sister (OSS what can I say?) "Elizabeth, you have a horrible bruise on your face!" I said, shocked. Elizabeth never got bruised. She was never in a situation to get bruised in the first place, but apparently she bruised quiet easily. She had a faded mark on her left cheek, and a darker one on top. My sister flushed and glared at me some more, before looking away. I turned to Will.

"I was half expecting you to swim back after us," he teased. "Oh, Will," I sighed, hugging him. He was soaking wet. "What did you do, swim back here?" I asked. "Something like that," Will said smiling. Elizabeth glared evilly at me as Will's arm went tentatively around my waist. I grinned at her, enjoying her jealousy for the moment (one of the _rare_ moments she was jealous of me) and buried my face in Will's neck. "Wait…where's Jack?" I asked, pulling away and looking around. 

"Jack? Jack Sparrow?" Elizabeth spat accusingly. I stared at her, "Yes, Jack Sparrow." I snapped at her. Even her time with evil undead pirates couldn't smarten the girl up. Her stupidity was almost embarrassing…sometimes I was ashamed to be her sister. No doubt she felt the same way towards me.

"Will, where is he?" I asked, my voice breaking. Will let go of me and shifted his weight on his feet, staring at the crew. His eyes finally stopped and I turned to see who he was looking at. It was Mr. Gibbs. I looked back to Will, his face nearly impossible to read. "He fell behind," Will said quietly, taking Elizabeth by the arm and leading her into the cabins. I stared at the spot where he'd been, now empty. I could see the ocean. 

"Jack," I whispered.

"Keep to the code," Mr. Gibbs barked at the crew. I jumped. "What about Jack?" I asked him, my voice quavering a little. Anamaria looked at me sympathetically, but when she saw I noticed, she looked away. "Well?" 

"Pirate code, Miss. Whoever falls behind…stays behind," Mr. Gibbs said, not meeting my eyes. "But -" 

"Miss, I suggest you go down to the cabins. We have a long way to Port Royal, you'll need your rest," Mr. Gibbs said curtly. I pursed my lips, but words failed me. I headed to where I was told to go, once again not protesting. I was becoming so domesticated it was disgusting.

~*~

I made my way down to the cabins quietly, not exactly knowing what to expect when I got there. I didn't want to interrupt Will and Elizabeth if they were…in the middle of something I really didn't need to see. I hid behind a couple of boxes listened. Eavesdropping I know, but I was too scared that Elizabeth and Will were in the middle of professing their undying love for each other and evil twin or not I wouldn't interrupt that. Even though Elizabeth drove me mad, I know she would do the same for me…at least I hoped so. And Will…I'd just have to give up on him. 

I wanted to sink through the belly of the ship and into the ocean when I felt tears rise up within me. All the emotions that I'd been striving to keep at bay just hit me like…a really hard heavy thing. Relief that Elizabeth was back, love for Will, worry and grief for Jack, who, in a few short days, had become one of the few friends I had.

"What kind of man trade's a man's life for a ship?" Elizabeth was saying angrily. I heard Will sigh and I bit my lip to keep from crying. I tasted blood in my mouth, but I didn't care.

"Pirate," Will said. "Here, let me," he whispered. I couldn't help it, I peeked around, still keeping myself hidden, but now I could see. Will took Elizabeth's hand and tenderly wrapped it with cloth. I saw the gentleness in the way he moved and it took all of me not to cry. Again. I could practically feel the ulcers that I was giving myself from all these suppressed emotions.

Elizabeth hissed and pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry. Blacksmith's hands, I know they're rough," Will said. I wanted to go up to him and hug him. I hid myself again, pressed up against the boxes, which miraculously did not fall. I glared up at the ceiling, wiping angrily at my eyes. Tears refused to be held back.

"No, I mean, yes they are but…don't stop," Elizabeth whispered. I leaned around again, and sincerely wished I hadn't. "Elizabeth," Will murmured, leaning into her.

It really hurts when the whole world collapses onto your head.

I blinked rapidly to sustain the tears, but they never came. My eyes were absolutely dry. Like they accepted the fact that Will was not mine, and could never be mine, not even with Jack's stupid little make-Will-jealous plan; before my heart did. I _knew_ it all along, but I'd fooled myself into hoping…and now it hurt more. Shut up, mind! Shut up, heart!

"It's yours," Elizabeth's voice came, shattering my self-pitying reverie. "I thought I'd lost it the day they rescued me. It was a gift from my father, he sent it to me," Will said, a hint of a smile in his voice. "Why did you take it?" he asked, his voice sharp now. I leaned around again.

"Because I was afraid you were a pirate. That would have been awful," Elizabeth said, as if on the verge of tears. I felt the oddest urge to hug her too, she was my baby sister, even if she was only a minute younger than me. She was still my sister, no matter how much it hurt when Will wanted her instead of me. I really need to stop these thoughts. Maybe things would have been different if my mother had stuck around. Not that I blame her for leaving, its just…she could have saved me from a lot of heart ache if she took me with her. But I wouldn't give up Will's friendship for anything…not even to stop this stupid ache-y feeling that I was now trying to kill.

"It wasn't your blood they needed…it was my father's blood…my blood…the blood of a pirate," Will said disgustedly. Self-loathing. Now that was something that I could currently identify with. Maybe Will and I could sit around and talk about how much we hate ourselves…har har.

"I'm so sorry, please forgive me," Elizabeth said. I blinked. Hello? Here poor Will was coming to terms with the pirate in him…pirates that he HATED…and all she can say is 'please forgive me'? I sighed, caught myself, and nearly choked. That was a bit conceited, even for her. But I guess that's one of the things he loved in her. I'll never understand men.

Elizabeth got up and ran out of the cabins. "Shit," I swore under my breath, ducking deeper into the shadows as she ran past. I heard a bang and I jumped, nearly falling and making myself known. I slowly stepped out of the shadows.

"Were you listening?" Will demanded harshly, without looking up. I flinched. "How did you know if was me?"

"You sighed," he said.

"So? Everybody sighs." I said, smiling. My smile faded when he looked at me, hurt and anger in his eyes. "I know your voice, Christina," he said softly. My lip quivered. I hoped he didn't notice. I sat down across from him. "Don't blame her, Will," I said quietly.

"What? She shouldn't have -"

I swear I'll die an early death because of this match making stuff I was pulling.

"She was just doing what she thought was right. My father wouldn't have treated you so kindly if he knew there was pirate in your blood," I explained patiently, my voice surprisingly calm even though inside I was killing myself over and over and over…I should have just let it be, but I felt guilty. God knows why.

"Why does it matter what's in my blood?" Will demanded harshly, grabbing my arms. I winced, "Will…I didn't say it did. But men like my father aren't the most open minded of chaps, you know that," I said. He squeezed my arms harder. "Will, let go you're hurting me!" I yelped, but he didn't let up. "Would you have thought differently if you had known?" he asked me. I blinked, "I did know," I said, meeting his eyes. Will said nothing. Finally he asked, "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"It was not my place to tell. I knew it was between you and my sister," I said quietly, my voice breaking. "Christina," Will whispered, touching my chin and making me meet his eyes.

"Will, being a pirate isn't always a bad thing…I mean, look at Jack,"

It turned out that this was the wrong thing to say.

"Jack," Will spat. "Is he all you think of?" 

"Actually, no, he's not. Damn it, Will, _you_ are," I said, wriggling out of his grasp. "But that's besides the point," I said hastily, realizing what I had just said as Will's face turned from anger to shock.

"Look, if you love Elizabeth so much, and you would die for her…then I think you can find it in your heart to forgive her, cant you?" Will said nothing.

"Will, your father's blood and your blood are the same…how then could he be a bad person, if you are the way you are?" I asked gently. He leaned closer, and every muscle in my body tensed. "No," I whispered, out of his reach. I kissed him gently on the forehead and pulled away swiftly. My lips burned, and my face grew hot and suddenly there wasn't enough air in the room.

"They'll need us up there," I said, hearing the muffled commotion. I tried to tell myself that I'd get over him, but I knew when I kissed him I had meant it in a more than friend way. And on top of feeling horribly guilty about it, that kiss had sealed my heart.

~*~

"What's happening?" I gasped, running up to Elizabeth. "The Black Pearl, she's gaining on us," Elizabeth said desperately. "B-but…this is the fastest ship in the Caribbean," I sputtered. Elizabeth looked at me, "That's what I said," she muttered. I looked at her, "I'm glad you're safe," I whispered. She smiled and nodded.

"We're shallow on the draft right?" Elizabeth called to Anamaria. "Aye?" the pirate said skeptically. I caught on, "Can't we just lose them among the shoals then?" I asked. Elizabeth looked sideways at me. "We don't have to outrun them long, just long enough," Mr. Gibbs said. 

"Lighten the ship, stand the stern," Anamaria shouted. "Anything that we can afford to lose…see that it's lost," Mr. Gibbs called to the crew. They set to work, and I stood with Elizabeth and Will, watching the Pearl anxiously.

Someone was trying to throw the cannon overboard. Will blocked him, "We're gonna need that," he said, his eyes never leaving the Pearl. "What's going on?" I whispered. The Pearl had oars out…

"It was a good plan. Until now," Anamaria said hollowly. I swallowed hard…they were catching up. And when they got aboard, there was no telling what they would do.

"Gibbs! We have to make a stand. We must fight! Load the guns!" Will shouted, making his way over to Mr. Gibbs. "With what?" Anamaria said exasperatedly. "Anything. Everything! Anything we have left," Will said. Mr. Gibbs nodded, and started shouting orders to the crew. All I could do was watch, I barely knew what was going on, and I could hardly keep my eyes off the Pearl. She seemed to fly over the water.

"This is not good," I muttered.

"She'll break us without ever presenting a target," Gibbs cried.

"Lower the anchor on the right side," Elizabeth shouted. The crew didn't move.

"The starboard side!" I yelled angrily. Honestly.

"It's the only one that has the element of surprise," Will said. Gibbs looked uncertain.

"You're daft, lady," Anamaria said to Elizabeth. "You all are," 

That seemed to make up Mr. Gibbs' mind. He grinned, "Daft like Jack! Lower the starboard anchor! Do it ye dogs or its you we'll load into the cannons!" he roared to the crew. They set to work immediately. "Let go," Elizabeth called to Anamaria. She did, and the wheel spun wildly. 

"Keep us steady now," Will said.

"Now!" I screamed. "Fire!" Elizabeth yelled. And we fired…forks. Knives. Spoons. Bottles. Such powerful ammunition. There was no bloody way the Black Pearl could survive the onslaught of kitchen utensils. We were so going to win this.

The ship rocked as it was hit with cannon balls. I flew through the air and tumbled onto the deck, rolling up to my feet and trying very hard to stay upright. I ducked as wood chips from the Interceptor flew up in my face. "We're gonna die!" I heard Elizabeth scream. I ran over to her, "C'mon…this way," I said, leading her away from all the explosions. "Duck!" she shrieked, pushing me and we toppled to the deck. 

"Christina! Elizabeth!" Will shouted. "We're fine!" I shouted back.

"We could use a few more ideas, lassies," Mr. Gibbs said. I groaned and rolled over, Elizabeth pulled me up. "Your turn," she said breathlessly. "We need something to barter," Mr. Gibbs said thoughtfully. Anamaria grabbed Elizabeth by the hair. "We'll give them her," she said angrily.

"Anamaria!" I shouted. She pointed the pistol at me, "She'll do as well. Sorry Princess," she snapped, still holding Elizabeth in a choke hold. "It's not them they're after," Will said. I felt the color drain from my face.

"The medallion," Elizabeth whispered, reaching for it. "Its in the cabins," I moaned, but Will was already gone. "Jack!" Mr. Gibbs shouted suddenly. I spun around. "Jack!" I cried. He tossed Mr. Gibbs his canteen. "Bloody empty," he grumbled. The pirates had got onto the ship and one was attacking Elizabeth. I was surprised at how well she could fend for herself, even if she did yelp. 

"Ack," I choked, feeling a strong arm grab me around my neck. I stomped hard on whoever's foot and elbowed whoever in the stomach. He let go. I spun around and lashed out with my dagger. The pirate crumpled to the floor, but I knew he wasn't dead. I ran over to Elizabeth.

"And where is dear William?" I heard Jack ask. 

"Will," I murmured at the same time as Elizabeth. We ran over, but I was tackled by a pirate before I could reach him. I was hoisted up and swung through the air, the pirate that held me reeked. I gagged. He chuckled and flung me to the deck of the Pearl.

"What's this, another Turner maid?" a low gravelly voice asked me. I looked up and met eyes with Captain Barbossa himself.

~*~


	11. What Bootstrap Never Told

Title: How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister

Author: Whose ff.net account are you currently at? Here's a hint, starts with a C and ends with a rystyna…

Disclaimer: That disclaimer was getting a bit boring wasn't it? Time for a new one! *pulls out magic curling iron* Will Turner, awaken and be mine!!! Poster, poster on the wall: Who's the fairest one of all?

Will Turner Poster: Elizabeth Swann!

Crystyna: Wrong answer babe. *burns poster of Elizabeth, does psychotic death-to-Elizabeth dance*

Will Turner: *faints*

Crystyna: Well, while he's sleeping…*turns to Jack Sparrow poster*

Jack: Don't look at me, luv.

****

0.o

…Yeah…and so I don't own anything remotely pirate related…

Summary: Elizabeth has a sister (called Christina) and they are complete opposites. Call it a Mary Sue if you must, frankly I don't give half a starved rat's ass. Or half of any rat's ass for that matter, even a fed and tamed one. Pro-Elizabeth don't read.

A/N: Don't really have nothing to say right now…R/R please! Oh yes, is it just me or does it seem like no matter how many times Elizabeth is hit, she never gets a bruise? A wonderful gift to be sure…but not very likely. Ah, and there will be a specific change in this chapter, even if it has been hinted at before.

-to all my reviews: I LOVE YOU LOTS!! THANKS FOR REVIEWING!

-Oh yes, I fixed "How To Survive A Windless Day" (I am nearly sure that it was chapter nine) because all the punctuation was wigging out on me. So, thanks to Phaidra for letting me know!

~*~

The pirates grabbed me and held me up. "Look, its another Turner! Maybe we need _both _their blood," the one with the spastic eye said. Oh, no, I looked like Will? _Now_ how shall I marry him?

I snarled at the pirate, "Just _try_ it, Splinters," I spat. The pirates chuckled and yanked at me harder. "Get your slimy hands off me, you sons of bitches! I hope you rot in hell!" I screamed, struggling. 

"Its 'cause of your daddy that we're in hell, poppet, now where's yer pretty sister?" the other pirate that was at the mansion said. Oh, Elizabeth must have given her name as Turner. Even if she did, I don't look like her! Ha, at least _I_ didn't think so.

I growled at him, "Don't call me poppet, Tubby," I hissed. The rest of the crew was about the Pearl now, all glaring fiercely at the pirates. I watched the Interceptor, which was going down. 

"Will," I whimpered. Suddenly, the ship blew up. "You've got to stop it! Stop it!" Elizabeth screamed, flailing at Barbossa. He pushed her away like a gnat. "Welcome back, Miss. You took advantage of our hospitality last time. All fair's now that you return the favor," he sneered. The crew started to grope her like they had done me moments ago. It barely registered with me, but there was nothing I could do anyway. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. I just stared at the mess and wreckage that was once the fastest ship in the Caribbean.

I felt my body go weak and I bent over and retched, as if trying to get rid of my heart. Hot tears splashed down my face, but I only vaguely noticed them. I looked up at Barbossa. "You bastard, you stupid filthy disgusting bastard," I choked. He walked right up to me and squeezed my chin. "Such a foul mouth on such a fair lady," The crew snickered. I tried to bite him.

Elizabeth was watching me with wide eyes. The pirates pulled me by my hair and I stood straight. _Will, Will Will,_ my mind shrieked. I thought I was hallucinating (which I have the tendency to do) when I saw Will spring back up onto the Black Pearl.

"Will," Elizabeth whispered. I blinked. "_Will!_" I cried. He smiled at me, despite the situation. "A little slow on the uptake, aren't you, Christina?" he asked. My jaw dropped. "Barbossa," Will shouted angrily.

Barbossa turned. "They go free," Will barked, nodded at my sister and I. "What's in your head boy?" the pirate leered. "They go free," Will repeated, jumping down and pointing the pistol right between Barbossa's eyes.

"You've only got one shot, and we cant die," the pirate informed Will. "Yeah, well he can mess up your face pretty badly. Not that it needs it, it's already a disaster," I sneered. The tall pirate, Bo'sun, punched me in the stomach. "Christina!" Will shouted, back up on the ledge of the ship and holding onto the rigging.

"Will!" I gasped, trying very hard to remember how to breath. "Don't do anything stupid," I looked over my shoulder and saw Jack looking at me worriedly. "You can't die… I can," Will said. He put the pistol under his chin. I nearly fainted. My eyes widened and I started gasping again.

"Like that," I heard Jack say. "Will, don't," I moaned. "Who are you?" Barbossa asked. "No one. He's no one. A distant cousin of my aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice, though. Eunuch," Jack said, breaking away from the pirates and standing in front of Barbossa. 

"Yeah, he's no one…its me you need!" I said desperately, surprising myself. I wasn't aware that I got back the ability to talk. My brain was still seeing the Interceptor explode over and over again, with Will in it. I wasn't even sure it he was really on the ship.

"Miss Turner, yer sister's blood didn't work, why would yers?" Barbossa asked. Jack just looked at me. "She's not my sister," I said quickly. Barbossa waited patiently for me to explain. My mind was racing, when did I become so good at lying?

"Well, who is she then?" he prompted. 

"She's my…sister-in-law," I said. Close enough to the truth. Not.

"What?!" Will said.

"Yes, she's my sister-in-law, and Will's my brother," I said, raising my chin. I glared at them. _Shut up shut up shut up shut up_, I screamed at him mentally. Please please please let him be telepathic. Please let _me_ be telepathic.

"Is that so?" Barbossa asked.

"Yes." I said firmly, glaring at him.

"No!" Will shouted. "Hush, Will, its my blood they need. I'm Bootstrap's first born child," I said. "Miss, jes' what in the hell do ye think yer doin'?" Jack hissed. I said nothing. "Captain Barbossa, I will go peacefully to wherever you need me, if you just let Will and Elizabeth and the crew go free. Including Mr. Sparrow," I said. Barbossa laughed heartily, and the miscreant crew laughed along with him.

"Nice try, Miss. But ye made one mistake thar: Ol' Bootstrap never told 'is children what the pirates called 'im. And 'e made his wife swear never ta tell. In fact, he only told 'er after they'd been married fer two years,"

My jaw dropped. "Well, that's true…h-he never told me. Jack did. Now do you want to break your curse or not, Captain?" I asked. Barbossa, however, only laughed harder at this. "Ye almost got me believin' ye, Miss. But ye look too much like yer 'sister-in-law' fer me to believe ye fully. To the planks with ye, I have no compassion fer heroes, or rather, heroines," he spat, and the crew hoisted me to the other side of the ship.

"Christina!" Will shouted. "Barbossa, you stop them now or I _will_ shoot, and all your hope of breaking that curse will be lost forever in Davy Jones' Locker," he said. Barbossa sighed angrily. "Hold her, gents," he said, waving in my direction.

"Name yer terms, Turner," he snapped.

"Christina and Elizabeth go free," Will said. I felt sick again, this was it…Will was going to die for my sister and I. I felt tears cloud my eyes and tried to force them away as Will's image blurred. 

"Yes, we know that. Anything else?" Barbossa said exasperatedly.

Jack started waving his arms wildly. I smiled sadly, but Will ignored him.

"And…the crew. The crew is not to be harmed," Will said. I couldn't blink back tears any longer. "Will, please," I moaned, and gritted my teeth as Bo'sun's grip on my wrist tightened, making it feel as if it would snap at any second. 

"Agreed," Barbossa said.

"Go on, walk the plank now," I was pushed to the plank, the rickety board shaking underneath me. I didn't care. I looked back to Will, who was fighting to get past the pirates. "Barbossa you lying bastard, you swore she'd go free!" he shouted, his eyes meeting mine. I raised my chin again, closing my eyes and trying to find some way that this could be some big mistake and that I was back in my room at Port Royal, incredibly jealous of my sister and taking lessons in swordplay from Will. 

When I opened my eyes, Will was gagged and looking at me wildly. Elizabeth was on the other end of the plank, looking terrified and yet resolute. As if she would not submit to showing them any sign of fear, even though I had been around her long enough to recognize when she was deeply afraid. Like the one time we'd had horseback riding lessons, and Elizabeth didn't want to go anywhere near the horse assigned to her. Or after a night of sitting around the fireplace and letting our butler, Henry, tell us scary stories.

I blinked. Henry was dead now. And Elizabeth and I would surely die within a fortnight, if we even lasted that long. All because of these pirates. The few seconds of this realization passed as I smiled thinly at her, and she smiled back.

"Don't dare impugn me honor, boy. I agreed she'd go free it was you who failed to specify when or where. Though does seem a shame to lose something so fine, don't it lads?" Barbossa barked at Will. 

"Aye!" the crew cried.

"So I'll be having that dress back before you go," Barbossa sneered at Elizabeth. Her back was to me, and I couldn't see what expression her bruised face held, but she ripped off the dress defiantly and tossed it at Barbossa. "It goes with your black heart," she snapped, walking up to the plank and standing by me; the only thing keeping us from tipping over was Bo'sun's hold on the other end. I grabbed her hand and turned around to Will once more. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jack trying to talk his way out of death.

"Will, I -" I started to say, not sure of what I wanted to tell him. But I had to let him know how I felt, even if we'd never see each other again. Or maybe because we'd never see each other again. But the pirates had other ideas, slamming the end of the plank causing my sister and I to tumble into the water.

~*~

We swam for what seemed like ages, when in fact it was only about an hour. I stopped to watch the Pearl sail away every so often, getting smaller and smaller on the horizon, as Will went farther and farther away. But the chill of the water, and the growing exhaustion in my body made my mind numb, and I couldn't feel anything. I knew that when I came to my senses, and the shock subsided, I would be hit with a load of emotions that might drive me mad. Madness would be like warm blanket or a soft feather bed, I supposed. At least I wouldn't be aware of everything that I'd just lost...Which was actually just Will. Like I said, everything.

"Come on, Christina," Elizabeth begged quietly every time I stopped. She would tug on my hands and coax me into swimming a few more feet, when all I wanted to do was give up and sink beneath the surface. A dull throbbing was ebbing through my body, starting at my heart and spreading to all my limbs and muscles. It felt like pain, but I was too far gone to decipher it.

I could just barely make out the shape of Jack swimming towards us. Since Elizabeth refused to swim ahead of me (and for that somewhere deep in my still-conscious mind I was thankful) so Jack over took us easily.

"Come on, Christina, luv," he said quietly, grabbing my arm and pulling me along. I kicked my legs dumbly and we got to the island soon enough. I tumbled upon the sand and just stared at the sky. Elizabeth sat with her arms around her knees, looking at me sadly. I closed my eyes and pretended that I was dead.

"Up you get," Jack said gruffly, hoisting me up. "No…" I moaned, but he held me around the waist and walked…somewhere. "That's the second time I've had to watch that man sail away my ship," he grumbled.

"Poor you," I said sarcastically, some comprehension sinking evilly into my body. He looked at me pityingly. I glared and wrenched myself away, "Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me at all," I spat. Some part of me felt bad, Jack looked hurt, but he also looked like he understood why I was so upset. 

"You tried to save him, Christina," he said slowly. I put my hands over my ears, "Don't even talk to me about Will," I shrieked, stopping and nearly collapsing. Here on this island I was alone, except for my sister, who had Will's love, and Jack Sparrow, who, at the moment, I was unreasonably angry with.

There was dead silence except for the waves moving in and out and the wind in the palm trees. "But you were marooned on this island before, weren't you? So we can escape in the same way you did then," Elizabeth said desperately, looking at me. Jack continued walking, and Elizabeth followed behind him, nagging some more. I followed reluctantly, because I had no where else to go, and I did not want to be alone.

"To what point and purpose, young missy? The Black Pearl is gone and unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice," Jack said, turning around to look at her again, looking her up and down and then meeting my eyes apologetically. I snorted, as if I cared. He was no different than the rest of the men. "Unlikely," he continued, waving his hands around more than usual, "Young Mr. Turner will be dead long before you can reach him," he finished quietly, looking at me. I stared up at the sky, stupid and cloudless, its beauty annoyed me. It should rain, it should storm. The sky should rip itself in half and empty its tears onto this God forsaken island, and the ocean should swallow us into the sea.

"_But you're Captain Jack Sparrow,_"Elizabeth hissed. "You vanished from under the eyes of seven agents of the East India company. You sacked Nassau Port without even firing a shot. Are you the pirate I read about or not? How did you escape last time?" she said, unrelenting. I sighed, wishing I had her hope of escape. Didn't she see that things were hopeless? We would _die_ on this speck of land, even if the whole Royal Navy was out looking for us. Her, rather. What were the chances that they'd stumble upon_ this_ island?

"Last time…I was here a grand total of three days, alright?" Jack said bitterly. I looked up at this, he looked disappointed. I almost laughed, and almost cried. "But what of the sea turtles, Jack?" I said giddily. He looked up at me, and then walked (if you could call it walking. He was taking steps as large as his legs would allow without doing a split. Which would hurt…) I giggled shrilly. I completely lost my mind…

"Last time…the rumrunners used this island as a cache. Came by and I was able to barter a passage off." he said, opening up the sand. Ha ha! Opening up the sand…Jack was so talented! I wish I could open up sand like a trap door…I heard the clang of bottles. Oooh! Jack can conjure up rum! "From the looks of things, they've long been out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Norrington to thank for that," he said, walking up out of the sand with bottles of rum in hand. Rum…I could really benefit from getting completely wasted.

"Rum!" I said happily, scampering over. He grinned at me. 

"So that's it then? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow ? You spent three days lying on a beach, drinking rum?" Elizabeth said hysterically, near tears. I looked at her and held out a bottle. "Drown your troubles, Lizzy," I slurred. I had downed half the bottle already. She looked at me disgustedly, but took the bottle anyway. 

"Welcome to the Caribbean, luv," Jack said.

~*~

Rum, rum, rum… 

Red rum…red rum…was the rum red?

Mur der…Will, Will!

Elizabeth and Jack were running around the fire like complete lunatics. Meanwhile, I had gotten to the depressed part of the drunken stage and sat farther away in the darkness, watching them. Fire pretty…it would be funny if one of them slipped and fell into the fire…no, not funny. Rum, rum, rum…I sat contemplating rum and murder and Will…was he still alive?

"We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me," they screamed. Idiots. Noise bad. Light bad…I think I was having an early hangover, and I hadn't even finished drinking yet. 

"I love that song!" Jack declared, sitting down next to me. "Yo ho," I said. He looked at me, and handed me his bottle. He had two in hand. "Drink up, luv, yer not drunk enough if yer still s-s-sad." he said, slurring. Oh, little did he know that I had gone through a bottle and a half. Not drunk enough…

"Woo. When I get the Pearl back, I'm gonna teach it to the whole crew and we'll sing it all the time!" he said.

Teach what? How to get drunker? Perpetually drunk? Yes, Jack could certainly teach that…Drink up, drink up, rum, rum…yum, yum. Yummy rummy. Actually, it didn't taste that good. It hurt at first, it burned and made me gag, but after a while I'd killed all the taste buds I'd had in my mouth and now it tasted like nasty water…

"And you'll be positively the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish Main," Elizabeth said. Whoa, slow down, words too fast for brain. Slow, slow…just drink some more…don't think of Will, don't think, don't think…gulp gulp.

"Not just the Spanish Main , love, the entire ocean, the entire wo'ld. Wherever we want to go, that's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and hull and a deck and sails and what it needs but what a ship is…what the Black Pearl really is…is freedom,"

A keel a hull a deck and sails…freedom. Freedom. On this tiny stupid island Jack talks about freedom! That's pretty damn inconsiderate of him. "Jack , it must be really terrible for you to be trapped on this island," Elizabeth murmured. Her bottle was only half full. More than half full. She cant hold her liquor at all, or else she's just faking drunk. Look at that, the lil' wench, hanging on Jack like that. Stupid sister, all the men in then world want her, Will wants her, and she's hanging on Jack? Will…and my stupid sister…

"Oh, yes. But the company is infinitely better than last time, I think. The scenery has definitely improved," he said, putting an arm around my shoulders, and an arm around her shoulders. Ah, so pirates were into kinky threesomes eh? Well, no siree, not me. Especially not with Elizabeth. Eww.

"Mr. Sparrow , I'm not entirely sure that I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk," Elizabeth said. Me neither. "Me neither, Mr. Sparrow, shame on you," I giggled. Oooh, lookie the stars…purrrdy…

"I know exactly what you mean, love," Jack said. Sure he did. But he didn't like it. Ha ha, Jackie-poo not getting nothin' tonight…har har…Oh no! There's no more rum in this bottle!

"To freedom!" Elizabeth toasted. Ha, that's funny. Freedom. What's that?

"To the Pearl," Jack said. Riiight, to the Pearl, which the bastard pirates stole. Or whom they stole... I mean, they call ships "she" so they must be "whoms" right? Will is on the Pearl. "To the Pearl," I said seriously. Empty bottles are no good for toasting.

~*~

"No! No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade, the rum!" someone yelled in my ear.

"Not so bloody loud, damn it!" I shouted. Ack…loud…

I opened my eyes. "Jesus Christ, turn off the sun!" I screamed.

"Yes, the rum is gone." Elizabeth said. _She_ wasn't dying because everything was loud and bright. I _knew_ she didn't drink. Oh God, how many stomachs did I have? They were all churning around, yech…I ran off and threw up. Rum is bad. Very, very bad.

"Why is the rum gone?" Jack shouted.

BECAUSE IT IS THE *CHOICE* BEVERAGE OF THE _DEVIL _THAT'S WHY! Oh, God, the whole island is spinning… "One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me, do you really think that there is even the slightest that they won't see it?"

"Speak slowly…Liz…and us, us, damn it! The Navy is looking for _us!_" I said. Oh, sober was bad…sobering up was bad…gimme more rum… "BUT, WHY'S THE RUM GONE?" Jack shouted. 

"Just wait, Captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two, keep a weather eye out and then you will see white sails on that horizon," Elizabeth said, very sure of herself. I just watched as Jack took out his pistol and aimed it at her as she sat down, and then put it away. Rum is bad. I'll never drink again, I swear!

I sat down next to Elizabeth and tried to count the grains of sand. There was lotsa sand, if you wanted to know. "Lizzy," I said quietly. "Hmm?" she asked. I jumped and grabbed my head as a couple of explosions sounded from the huge bonfire she'd created. She laughed quietly and patted my back, "You shouldn't have drank so much, Christina," she chided quietly. 

"You shouldn't have gotten captured by pirates," I groaned. She sighed. "What did you have to ask me?" 

"Do you think there's more stars in the sky, or grains of sand in the world?" I asked. Elizabeth looked at me, puzzled. Then she smiled. "I don't know, Christina. But I'd have to say stars in the sky, because the sky goes on forever." she said.

"Your turn," I murmured. She smiled sadly. This was a game we used to play back when we were friends, before my mother died. Our mother. We'd lay awake at night and asked questions. We'd stopped after she left, and hardly talked to each other except to snap and taunt.

"Do you love Will?" she whispered. I looked up sharply, and met her eyes. "What kind of question is that?" I said angrily. "You're breaking the rules. You cant answer a question with a question," she said pointedly. "And you have to tell the truth," she added, as if I needed reminding.

"My question was easier," I said.

"Just answer," 

I sighed. This would be perhaps the stupidest thing I would ever do. It's the rum, I tell you. I'll never go near such vile, hell-sent material again so long as I live.

"Yes," I said. "I love him,"

"Your turn," she whispered. I knew what I would ask.

"Do you?" I asked. But we looked up at the ocean and saw the white sails of the Royal Navy coming to save us, and she didn't get to answer me. Even though I already knew what her answer would be.


	12. Some Things Never Change

Title: How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister

Author: Whose ff.net account are you currently at? Here's a hint, starts with a C and ends with a rystyna…

Disclaimer: That disclaimer was getting a bit boring wasn't it? Time for a new one! *pulls out magic curling iron* Will Turner, awaken and be mine!!! Poster, poster on the wall: Who's the fairest one of all?

Will Turner Poster: Elizabeth Swann!

Crystyna: Wrong answer babe. *burns poster of Elizabeth, does psychotic death-to-Elizabeth dance*

Will Turner: *faints*

Crystyna: Well, while he's sleeping…*turns to Jack Sparrow poster*

Jack: Don't look at me, luv.

****

0.o

…Yeah…and so I don't own anything remotely pirate related…

Summary: Elizabeth has a sister (called Christina) and they are complete opposites. Call it a Mary Sue if you must, frankly I don't give half a starved rat's ass. Or half of any rat's ass for that matter, even a fed and tamed one. Pro-Elizabeth…can read now I guess. I've changed my views on her. Now she's only _slightly_ evil.

A/N: Right now it is 8:09 and high school starts tomorrow (9/08/03) *groan* so this is my last day of freedom before my banishment to hell (or so I've been told). I'm eating mint ice cream and listening to Evanessence and dreading tomorrow…wahh. But this chapter wont be posted for a while, cuz I write in advance *grin* so clever. ANYWAYZ…this story is coming 2 an end n I'm not gunna start anuta story till its ova sooo enjoy!!! 

-to all my reviews: I LOVE YOU LOTS!! THANKS FOR REVIEWING!

-this chapter's a little longer than the others (and a little more pointless) so enjoy!

~*~

Currently, I am on the deck of the Dauntless. How much do you wanna bet that the first words out of my father's mouth are "Christina, what on earth are you wearing?" I swear…if he got any stupider he'd make a wet log look intelligent…Already he has to compete with inkpots and quills for a higher IQ.

"Christina, what on earth are you wearing? Elizabeth, here, take my jacket," He-Who-Owns-The-Largest-Brain said oh-so-intelligently. Sometimes it scares me how well I know him. 

"Make for Port Royal," Norrington said to the First Mate, who started shouting orders to the crew. I stood by Jack, not quite sure I'd heard correctly.

"The Port?" I said stupidly. Ah, yes, I am my father's daughter. "But we've got to save Will!" Elizabeth shouted, tailing my father. He sighed. "No. You're safe now. We will return to Port Royal immediately not go gallivanting after pirates!" he said.

"G-gallivanting? Excuse me? And _we're_ safe. As in me too!" I sputtered. God damn it, I might as well just talk to the ropes. My father glared at me, "_You_ took your safety into your own hands, young lady," he said. Do you ever get the urge to just punch in your father's face? With a brick?

"Then we condemn him to death?" Elizabeth shrieked.

"The boy's fate is regrettable but then so is his decision to engage in piracy," Idiot-father said. 

"FATHER, IF YOU HAD ANOTHER BRAIN, YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE A QUARTER OF A MIND!" I screamed. My father stared angrily at me. "You, daughter, are very much a disgrace to the Swann family. I will not have you embarrass me here. You will go into Commodore Norrington's office, which he has so graciously given up for you and your sister, and you will not come out until we arrive at Port Royal, is that understood?" he said quietly.

I raised my chin, glaring. "I will do no such thing, I am a grown woman and I will do as I choose. And I _choose_ to stay here, among the crew, with Mr. Sparrow," I said. Elizabeth gawked at me. My father turned beet red and grabbed my arm.

"Listen to me, young lady, you will do as you're told. Already at the Port they are talking of the Governor's daughter who ran away, dressed as a cross between a man and a whore, and eloped with a pirate!" he said. I raised my eyebrows. "Well, they seem to have gotten to story quite wrong then. Will and I went to save _Elizabeth_, and Jack was our guide," I said snootily. HE glared at me.

"You listen hear, young lady -"

"Mum would have understood me. She wouldn't be quiet so DUMB!" I yelled. He didn't say anything for a moment, just looked at me. "You mother ran off with a pirate," he said lowly. Perhaps I would have felt bad if I wasn't so angry. Perhaps if I wasn't so angry I would have seen the old hurt in his eyes. But I was angry, and I didn't.

"And a fine choice she made, too. I wish she took me with her!" I snapped. He dragged me, nearly pulling my arm out of its socket, and practically threw me into the Commodore's office, slamming the doors behind him and locking them.

"LET ME OUT YOU HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A FATHER! LET ME OUT THIS INSTANT OR I SWEAR I _WILL_ ELOPE WITH A PIRATE AND BRING SHAME UPON THE FAMILY NAME!" I screamed, banging on the doors. "Asshole," I swore under my breath, and listened to the conversation outside.

"To rescue _me_, to prevent anything from happening to _me_," Elizabeth whined. 

"If I may be so bold as to interject my professional opinion, the Pearl was listing near the scappers after the battle. It's very unlikely she'll be able to make good time. Think about it, the Black Pearl, the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up?" Jack said. I could practically _hear _him waggle his eyebrows.

"By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Sparrow, not only myself," the Commodore said disdainfully. Yeah, that's right, and he didn't come all this way just to get on Elizabeth's good side. Well, it was his duty, but he could have just sent out a crew. "LIAR!" I screamed and kicked the door.

"Commodore, I beg you, please do this. For me…as a wedding gift," Elizabeth said. My jaw dropped. She was going to marry him! Ugh! Why would she want to marry that tight arsed little prat who acted like he had a constant beetle biting up his rear end? And yet…if she married the Commodore…I sighed, if she married the Commodore, Will would still love her. Gag.

"Bloody Commodore, bloody sister, BLOODY PIRATES!" I screeched, grabbing a paper weight and hurling it across the room. I bit my tongue so hard to keep from crying that it brought tears to my eyes…which made me laugh. So I was sobbing and laughing and tossing all of Norrington's junk across the room with fervor, trying very hard to destroy everything of value. I may be condemned to this little shit hole, but that didn't mean that I had to keep it orderly.

"Elizabeth, are you accepting the Commodore's proposal?" my father asked. I threw a book. "I am," Elizabeth answered. 

I hope Norrington didn't need that telescope… 

"A wedding, I love weddings! Drinks all around!" Jack said. I seized a bottle of expensive aged wine and chucked it after the telescope. "THERE'S YOUR BLOODY DRINK!" And do you know what? They didn't hear me!

"I know, clap him in irons…"Jack mumbled.

…Or that compass. It looked real ritzy.

"Mr. Sparrow , you will accompany these _fine _men to the helm and provide us with the bearing to Isla de Muerta . You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meaning of the phrase 'silent as the grave'. Do I make myself clear?"

"Do I make myself clear, do I make myself clear?" I sneered. I found a portrait of Norrington hanging and I ripped it down and kicked it. "How's that for clear, you pompous, stupid arse?" 

"Inescapably," Jack said. I ripped open a drawer and dumped out all its contents. Ooh, a brush! And a little…powder thing? Good god, and _I'm_ the cross between a man and a whore?!

"Christina, stop! Stop! What are you doing?!" Elizabeth yelped, grabbing my arms and holding them down to my sides. I was in the middle of scattering powder all over the room. "You're going to marry the Commodore?" I asked, sniffling. She nodded. "Just to save Will?" She nodded again. I cried harder, and on impulse, hugged her. Perhaps being stuck on an island with the sister you hate, completely wasted, makes the heart grow fonder. "Thank you…oh, its not fair…you love him, don't you?" I asked. She nodded, tears coming to her eyes. "I do," she whispered heavily. I sighed.

"A fine mess we're in, aren't we?" I asked. She nodded, laughing a little. I went and sat on a table of some sort, grabbing a quill and ink jar and doodled all over one of Norrington's prized maps. "He's not that bad, I suppose," I said, stabbing the map. Elizabeth snickered. 

"No, I suppose not," she said sarcastically. I decided I'd try to make her feel better. "Elizabeth…do you_ really_ love Will. I mean, you hardly talk to him," I said. She looked at me. "And you do?" she asked. I nodded. She narrowed her eyes. "You lie," she whispered. I shook my head.

"How?" she asked. I showed her my hands, which were callused from all the fencing lessons I'd been given, even with the gloves I'd worn. Not that they were much help…they were these stupid silk with lacy things... "What did you do, sneak into the blacksmiths shop?" she said incredulously. I raised my eyebrows, that was very clever, especially for Elizabeth. Maybe the pirates taught her something. "Well, actually, yes, that is what I do," I said. Elizabeth glared at me, "And you obviously don't wear proper clothing for that," she sniffed, looking down at me. Excuse me, but WHAT? 

"What has that got to do with anything?" I asked.

"You're a whore, just like our mother was," Elizabeth said distastefully. I'm surprised my eyes didn't pop out of my head and roll around on the floor.

"Excuse me? Our mother was _not_ a whore." I asked. She glared, "That's right, _your_ mother was a whore. I don't consider her my mother. You skip off at night to join Will in your nightgown…you're just like our mother. And here I was thinking maybe you weren't, maybe you were nice,"

"Are you a complete _fool_ Elizabeth? Maybe _I_ was nice…what, like you're _not_ a completely stuck up spoiled little wench? You _are _an idiot," I said, hopping off the table and sitting by the window. 

"And you are a little tramp," she said. I just blinked. I was completely speechless. What happened? Where was the sister I had on the island? Did we leave her there? I nearly laughed. "You are just incredible. If only Will saw you like this," I said tiredly, and turned to stare back out the window. "After everything you have, you have his heart, he loves _you_. He got captured because he wanted to save _you_…He may be dead now for _you_…and you're still like this?" I asked. "You're a fool, Elizabeth, you don't deserve everything that has been given to you…and I was stupid to think maybe you had changed," I said quietly.

She huffed and walked out, slamming and locking the door behind her. 

~*~

It was dark before the ship stopped. I looked out the porthole, and decide that I would not be kept here. Nothing was really keeping me here anyway, not my father, not Elizabeth…I'd just have to wait for the opportune moment, like Jack said, before leaving. I pushed open the window and made sure that I'd be able to squeeze out. The sea smelled so good, but it was so dark that all I could see was the faint twinkling of cold stars, and the dark outline of the island I would be headed to. 

I adjusted my bandana, my hair was actually soft and brushed now (I'd found a comb as well as a brush and powder in on of the Commodore's desk drawers…just think, Elizabeth is marrying a man who carries a comb around with him! Tee hee! And it was one of those prissy ivory toothed combs too!) and that took at least five hours to do. I picked up yet another paperweight and was about to toss it around to the other side of the ship (so they'd go there and leave me to escape,) when my favorite person in the whole world barged in oh-so-politely.

I spun around to see Elizabeth being dragged in here by two officers. I raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, but for your own safety," one of them said. "Tell the Commodore! There's something I have to tell him! The pirates! They cannot be killed!" she said, struggling. This was so amusing. No, really, it was.

"Don't worry, miss, he's already informed of that. A little mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story," the other officer laughed. The leered at me and walked out, still chuckling. I rolled my eyes. "This is Jack Sparrow's doing!" Elizabeth yelled at the doors, who merely slammed themselves in her face. I chuckled.

"Wont you ever learn, Elizabeth? Men will never believe such things, especially coming from three types of people: drunks, pirates, or women,"

"Well I guess you're in for a horrible life, aren't you, Christina?" she said nastily. "Considering you are a combination of all three." Oh, that is not even worth a response. When had I fooled myself that anything that came out of her mouth was worth a response?

She blinked, as if just realizing what she had said. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking down. Sure. I nodded. "Right then. Well, have fun," I said, hoisting myself out the window and dropping down into the little rowboat below. They'd be distracted already, they wouldn't notice me. I'd tossed my sword down into the boat earlier, so I was all set to go. I grabbed an oar…

…which was stuck.

"Thanks a lot," I said to the sky, tugging on the oar. No such luck, it stayed where it was. I pulled harder and it took me about five minutes to finally get it unstuck. I wanted to make a clean getaway, but obviously little Mrs. Norrington had other ideas.

I saw a rope of tied cloth come flying out the window as she lowered herself delicately down. Oh, no…

"What are you doing here?" I asked, annoyed. "I'm coming with you. You don't think I'd just stay there, do you?" she said.

"I was sort of counting on it," I muttered as she fell into the row boat. She looked at me. I sighed and started rowing. After about fifteen minutes of one of the most enjoyable activities in the world, Elizabeth spoke.

"I am sorry, you know. I don't know what came over me, I didn't mean all those things I said," she said quietly. "Oh, don't worry about it, Lizzy, I quite like being called a whore." I said, rowing harder. Elizabeth sighed. "Don't be like this, Christina," she said tiredly. I cursed.

"Don't even _try_ to patronize me, Elizabeth. How _dare_ you? I'm not even going to try to figure out what goes on in your so-called mind. Forget about it, alright? It doesn't matter to me what you say, or what our stupid father says, or what anyone says. So just give it up. We're not friends, so you don't have to apologize. We're just related by some strange accident." I snapped.

She looked hurt. Good, GOD! "I am sorry," she whispered. And I looked up to meet her eyes, and saw that she really did mean it. I mean, who knew? Perhaps she thought that my "friendship" could someday be of value to her?

I sighed, "Fine. It doesn't matter anyway." I said. Now would be a _great_ time for her to shut up.

"It does matter. You're my sister…and I didn't mean what I said about Mum either. It's just, I'm so angry at her for leaving," she said.

"That was a long time ago, Elizabeth. Can you blame her?" I asked. Elizabeth looked at me.

"Yes, I can blame her. Didn't she love us? Should could have at least wrote to us. And father isn't that bad…" she whimpered. Oh, lord, here we go. Its time for me to play Loving Older Sister…

"She did love us. It would be worse if she wrote to us, it would have been to painful for her and for us and for Father too. She left because he was forcing her to be something she wasn't…he was forcing her to be some prim and proper lady, when all she really wanted was to be free," I said. I had hardly known my mother, but somehow I knew that was I was saying was true. I mean, it _had_ to be, right? Who'd want to prance around all day in a corset with the words "I'm an arse, poke me,", or, "Ask me what its like to not breath!" practically written over their forehead. Oh, wait…Elizabeth would.

"Like you," Elizabeth said quietly. I looked up, "What are you talking about?" I asked. Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "You're just like her, Christina, you even look like her. Same hair, same eyes, same skin," she said. I snorted, "Your memory must've gone when that pirate smacked you. Haven't you seen the portrait of her in the den? She's all thin and fair and blonde, like you." I said. Elizabeth laughed quietly, "You really are oblivious to everything besides Will, aren't you?" she said. Her smiled faded when she saw I wasn't laughing.

"I'm sorry," she said hastily. She cleared her throat. "That picture in the den, that's because Father told the housekeeper we had back then, Rosa, do you remember her? Anyway, he told her to powder up mum and make her where that wig. That's what he _wanted_ his wife to look like. And she went along with it," Elizabeth said. "That's why she never went out of the house, too." she continued.

"And you're angry at her for leaving?" I said. Elizabeth shook her head. "Sometimes I think I'm just upset that she didn't say good bye, or that she didn't take us with her. But Father, I love him too." she said.

"That's because you are perfect in his eyes," I said darkly, the bottom of the row boat scraping up against the shore. She looked at me. "He loves you too, Christina. You remind him so much of her, and he loved her, he was just stupid," she said. I shrugged. That last bit may have been the first smart thing she's ever said in her life.

"It doesn't matter to me," I said, even though it really did.

~*~

"Keep quiet," I said to Elizabeth, who was fidgeting. We were walking around the island. I had done a wonderful job of getting us lost, although Elizabeth had been absolutely no help at all. The wind was next to nothing, and the ocean was quiet. Elizabeth, however, must have felt the urge to make noise.

She was hissing to me how gross it was that she was in a man's clothing…and it wasn't very clean by the way. "Elizabeth, do the world a favor and shut yer trap," I snapped. She blinked. "You _have_ been with Jack too much," she whispered. I closed my eyes. "Elizabeth, if you'd like to keep your tongue in your mouth, I suggest you shut up before I rip it out and cut it up into tiny pieces," I said calmly. She wrinkled her nose, but didn't make a sound. Thank God.

I heard voices coming from my left and saw the entrance to whatever cave thing the pirates must have been in. I strained my hearing as we drew closer. "Jack…?" I whispered, inching closer. Elizabeth was right behind me, practically breathing down my neck. I swear I will punch her one day.

"Elizabeth, back up a bit," I murmured. "What?" she said. I whirled around. "Stop talking!" I said through gritted teeth. She nodded, "Well, then stop talking to me," Oh, lord, my hair is turning gray, I can feel it. Her stupidity is grating. And just moments before she was actually feigning wisdom.

Jack was by the opposite side of the cave, nearly completely hidden in the shadows, and Will was only about five feet from me. I pulled Elizabeth down behind me and peered over a huge mound of gold coins. "No reason to fret, just a prick of the finger, a few drops of blood," the one of the pirates said. I think it was the fat one. Maybe it was Splinters…

"No mistakes this time, he's only half Turner. We spill it all," the pirate with the dreadlocks said. The fat pirates laughed, "Guess there's reason to fret then," he said. I whimpered, and Will looked up, and I swear he met my eyes, but I ducked behind the gold.

Barbossa began to chant over a huge stone box filled to the rim with gold coins. "The Aztec gold…" Elizabeth whispered. I glanced at her, her brown eyes were wide with fascination and longing. I recognized that look on her face from whenever she saw a particularly expensive dress that she coveted. I nudged her, "Don't even think about it, Liz," I muttered. She glared at me.

Jack began to make his way through the throng of pirates. I watched, bemused. He'd sure get himself killed… "Jack!" Will said, surprised. He was bent over the stone box, Barbossa's knife at his throat. The muscles in my legs tensed, it was all I could do to not race over and tackle Barbossa and kill him. "S'not possible," Barbossa said intelligently. Jack grinned.

"Not _probable,_" he answered. "Where's Elizabeth? And Christina? Where's Christina?" Will said. Elizabeth tutted beside me. I clenched my fists and pretended I was strangling her. I let out a breath, "He mentioned you first, you nitwit," I whispered harshly under my breath. This seemed to satisfy her and she began to inspect her nails.

"Elizabeth? She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry the Commodore, just like she promised, and you're all set to die for her, just like _you_ promised. So really, we're all men of our word, except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman. And as for Christina…she's locked in the Commodore's office throwing about all his stuff…after trying _so_ desperately to save _your_ life," Jack said. Will blinked. I swear I shall punch Jack Sparrow if he gets out of here alive.

"Shut up, you're next," Barbossa said angrily, glaring at Jack. He grabbed Will by the hair and put the knife up to his throat. I tensed and Elizabeth grabbed my arm (seeing as how I was halfway over the little ledge type thing that was hiding us). "Let go you stupid moron," I hissed. She said nothing, but nodded towards the direction of the pirates.

"Your funeral," Jack was saying in his usual infuriating way. Barbossa sighed, straightening up and glaring at Jack. Will's life was spared…for the moment. I swear I shall kiss Jack Sparrow if he gets out of here alive! 

I turned around and started to look for a weapon of some sort…quietly of course. I mean, yes I had my sword…but if someone had managed to leave a pistol lying around for some unforeseen reason…Aha! There's one…a _gold_ one…look stylish while you blow someone's face apart…

" Promise your Uncle Fannie's your Aunt, there you are with two ships. The makings of your very own fleet. 'Course you'll take the grandest as your flagship and who's to argue? But what of the Pearl ? Name me Captain, I'll sail under your colors, I'll give you ten percent of me plunder and you get to introduce yourself as…Commodore Barbossa. Savvy?" Jack said. I snorted. "That lying bastard!" Elizabeth said snootily. I sighed at her. "How could he do that to us, Lizzy? How could he lie like that?" I said sarcastically. She patted my arm. "Don't worry, Christina, we'll save Will even without Mr. Sparrow," she said sympathetically and completely serious. I just stared at her witheringly. She seemed to take my silence for doubt. She hugged me and whispered, "I promise," 

I think I may just die. Is this half-wit truly a blood relation?

"You've been planning this from the beginning. Ever since you learned my name," Will said furiously. I couldn't tell if he was just playing along…or if he truly meant it. I _hoped_ he was just playing along, because if he was as stupid as my sister, it would be devastating to me. Truly devastating.

"Yeah," Jack said. Jack and Barbossa continued to haggle over how much plunder Barbossa would get if he let Jack be the Captain of the Pearl…I started to wonder if Jack would really go so far to get the Pearl back. He wouldn't. Would he?

AH! My sister's stupidity is infecting my mind!!

I inched away from Elizabeth and continued to tinker with the pistol to see how it worked. I held it up against a rock and started fiddling with the little gadgets. Of course, I had to find a gold gun with magical powers and little do-dads everywhere…

"Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to -"

BANG.

Elizabeth screamed as the gun went off in my hands, causing the remainder of the pirates, Barbossa, Jack, and Will to look at me. I was still holding the pistol, and had just mortally wounded the rock in front of me. "Sorry, continue Jack," I said, nudging Elizabeth into a corner and trying to hide her from view. 

"Oh, if it isn't the young Miss Turner! Would ye lookie thar?" one of the pirates cackled. "Shut up, bring 'er here," Barbossa snapped. I grabbed my sword and held it out in front of me as the pirate advance. "Look, she's got a sword. How cute," the pirate sneered. I grinned.

"Look, you have no nose. Isn't that just _adorable?_" I said as the pirate roared in pain and anger. "Run Elizabeth!" I shouted, skirting around a huge pile of gold and running up to Will. I cut open the bonds on his hands as I heard Jack mutter "You can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly stupid," 

And then he started fighting with Barbossa.

I didn't know how many pirates stayed behind, but Barbossa must've had a might big crew, because it wasn't only a handful Will and I had to fight off. Elizabeth was God-knows-where, hiding behind a rock most likely. 

Will and I stood back to back as about seven pirates stalked up to us. We were surrounded. "What do you propose we do, maestro?" I muttered darkly. He grabbed the pistol at my waist and held it up to the pirate in front of him. He shot the man…thing…in the face. I grimaced, not a pretty sight. "We can start by doing that," Will said, and attacked. 

Four of the pirates made straight for Will, as the first one was down and heading for the moonlight. That left two for me. "Ye were jess lucky before, missy, but ye can't fight both of us and expect to live," one of them growled. I sighed. "Oh, I suppose not. Whatever shall I do?" I asked, inching away. I felt behind me with one hand and found a large (gold, go figure) jar. I held out my sword, making it tremble. They cackled and tossed their swords aside. I raised an eyebrow, that was unexpected.

"I think we can handle this one without swords, don't ye think?" the other one asked. I smiled, "Sure ye can, mates," I crowed, hurling the jar at the closest one and spinning to the other, who was now in the moonlight. My sword connected with his neck and I watched as his skull flew across the cavern, screaming curses. Wow…now that's interesting.

"Cocky bastards," I said smugly, turning around. The other pirate was up and about, with a sword this time. I gritted my teeth as he attacked. I parried, narrowly, and maneuvered so that I wasn't up against a wall. We fought, I lunged, he dodged and Will shouted. I turned to find Will, who was actually shouting for _me_ to get out of the way.

And suddenly there was a really sharp pain across my ribs. I cried out and stared to see that I'd be slashed on the right side of my ribs. I looked up at the pirate, who was grinning. I groaned as I pulled my sword up to knock his blade away. He obviously thought that I'd faint from the shock of being injured, and when I advanced again he was in the moonlight. Soon his head joined his comrade's across the cavern, screaming curses.

Will was by my side now. "Are you okay? Christina, are you okay?" he asked. I looked up, dazed. "He…cut me!" I said indignantly. Will smiled weakly, gingerly touching my side. I hissed and pulled away, "Don't," I said, tears stinging my eyes. It really hurt. 

"I'm gonna teach you the meaning of pain!" the another roared. Attractively, I might add. And then suddenly, Elizabeth was there with a big…stick.

"You like pain?" she said, very heroine-like and smacking him wickedly, right where his head was under his arm. "Try wearing a corset," she spat, and pranced back to us. I groaned and Will looked at me worriedly again. "Who's side is Jack on?" Elizabeth asked. "At the moment?" Will asked. I glared, "Well, obviously…oh my God, Jack's a skeleton!" I screeched. And he was! Jack and Barbossa were fighting…and both of them were skeletons! I nearly fainted, although that might have been from blood loss.

Elizabeth noticed how Will grabbed my arm. "Stop being so dramatic, Christina," she said disgustedly. I looked up at her tiredly, but it was Will who said "Cant you see she's hurt?" He looked so angry, I could have sung! Take that Miss Perfection! She was gawking at him, and then at me, and then at my ribs, and then at him again. Yes, dear, he _did_ just yell at you.

But I didn't. "Its fine, its not that bad. Not even that deep. Come on, there's four more pirates that need killing," I said, pulling away. Will stayed close by my side as I hoisted my sword up to fight. But I couldn't hold it, the right side of my body hurt so much. I looked down and saw my shirt soaked with blood and I swayed. Will grabbed my arm. "Christina, you cant fight. You're hurt," he said, tugging my over to where there was a little niche in the wall for me to hide. I, however, had other plans.

"I'm _fine, _Will, honestly. Its just a scratch. It doesn't even hurt that much," I said. He glared at me, "You're not fighting, you cant even hold the sword,"

"Yes I can!" 

"Oh really? Show me then," he said.

I tried. I really tried but my arm wouldn't obey and it hurt so much…I felt hot tears streaking down my face and I choked. "Shh," Will whispered, we were in the corner now. He gently untied my makeshift corset (that at one point was a robe with flowers), and stooped to soak it in water. He rung it out, washing most of the blood off, and wrapped it around me tightly. I yelped and tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me go. "It has to be tight, or the blood wont stop," he said, sounding choked. Oh sure, Elizabeth gets a "Blacksmith's hands, I know they're rough," and all I get is a "It has to be tight blah blah," Life is so unfair.

"Promise me you'll stay here, alright?" he said, looking at me with an apologetic smile. Sick bastard. Here I am bleeding to death and he's smiling like its all good. "WILL, HELP!" shrieked my sister, running away from a couple of pirates, who were chasing her with umbrellas. Will squeezed my hand and dashed off to save Little Miss Wonder Curls…her stupid hair was still perfect. I sighed and looked up at my hair, once again knotted all over my face and looking simply stunning. Stunning - as in, if I turned too quickly and someone was beside me, I'd knock them out.

"Oww…" I whimpered pathetically, putting my hand gently to my ribs and seeing that, when I pulled it away, it was still covered in blood. Well, seeing as how no one was around, Will was off saving my sister from certain death by parasol wielding pirates, and Jack was getting his kicks by wiping the floor Barbie's smelly old arse…I untied the stupid blood soaked sash and unbuttoned my shirt, nearly fainting when I saw the state of my ribs.

There was a huge gash about eight inches long and just _gushing_ blood. I sat down and wet the cloth, God know's what kind of tiny little germ buggers were in the vile water but hey I'm gonna _die_ anyway, right? Besides, the cold water felt good. Making sure at least half of my shirt was buttoned (just in case some perverted pirates, or Jack, decide to amble on over) I cleaned the cut. Which was more of a huge hole in my side.

It was incredibly disgusting, but once I was done cleaning it I realized it wasn't that deep. It just didn't seem to agree to my plea of "Stop bleeding, stop bleeding," God, are they ever going to be done killing each other? I could really use a doctor. But, once again (and one would think that I'd gotten over this by now) I was sitting in a corner, inches from death most likely, and being totally and thoroughly ignored.

And suddenly there was a huge BANG and everything was quiet. 

~*~

A/N: Wow it took me LITERALLY three weeks to write this chapter. Mostly because high school is evil. Very very evil. Well, this story is nearly over (altho by the time I post this chapter it very well may be February and right now its September 26 and I have to go APPLE PICKING tomorrow. Huzzah!)

LoL well reviews would be quite lovely. Please? I'll give ya…a miniature Will or Jack (or for you hater fan girls, [like myself] a little Elizabeth to maim and destroy teehee!) or perhaps the Freaky Eye Dude and The-One-Of-Fat-Short-And-Baldness, or perhaps Barbossa tickles your fancy? 

Of course, there's always the monkey…


	13. Cold Apples

Title: How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister

Author: Whose ff.net account are you currently at? Here's a hint, starts with a C and ends with a rystyna…

Disclaimer: That disclaimer was getting a bit boring wasn't it? Time for a new one! *pulls out magic curling iron* Will Turner, awaken and be mine!!! Poster, poster on the wall: Who's the fairest one of all?

Will Turner Poster: Elizabeth Swann!

Crystyna: Wrong answer babe. *burns poster of Elizabeth, does psychotic death-to-Elizabeth dance*

Will Turner: *faints*

Crystyna: Well, while he's sleeping…*turns to Jack Sparrow poster*

Jack: Don't look at me, luv.

****

0.o

…Yeah…and so I don't own anything remotely pirate related…

Summary: Elizabeth has a sister (called Christina) and they are complete opposites. Call it a Mary Sue if you must, frankly I don't give half a starved rat's ass. Or half of any rat's ass for that matter, even a fed and tamed one. Pro-Elizabeth…can read now I guess. I've changed my views on her. Now she's only _slightly_ evil.

A/N: Hmm, shall this be the last chapter? Would you believe me if I said I honestly don't know?

~*~

I bolted up (and fell down, and attempted to bolt up again, to no avail), or would like to believe that I bolted up, and ran out from behind the nice little hiding place that Will had invested so much time in providing for me. Naturally, the cause of all the loud sounds was Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth, what did you DO?" I shouted, ducking as several body parts flew at me. Leave up to Elizabeth to put men in such a state of shock at the site of her infinite beauty that they would spontaneously explode. I watched wide eyed as Will ran over to the huge stone box with all the Aztec gold, and as Elizabeth darted across some rocks for purposes unknown

BANG.

Once again, Elizabeth was the cause of all the commotion. You know, Elizabeth was really the cause of all the commotion for this whole stinkin' adventure (which would probably result in my untimely death). All for my sister. 

But this time a gun was pointed at my sister, and she stopped dead in her tracks as if she…was dead. Which she wasn't, I would learn in a few seconds time. No, I would not be so lucky. But Barbossa, at the moment, he his pistol pointed directly at her and so one would assume that she was dead. "Oh, no, Elizabeth!" I shrieked, or attempted to shriek but by this time my voice had gone somewhere far away, perhaps leaking out of my body with the blood that didn't seem to want to be inside me anymore. It is a truly terrible feeling to be bleeding, and wavering on a rock above frigid water. 

"Ten years you carry that pistol and now you waste your shot," Barbossa said. I cocked my head to the side - so it _wasn't_ Barbossa who had fired? I sighed with relief, and fell down into the water. I wish I could say I fell gracefully, but that would of course not be me. No, I made a show of falling and gasping and splashing and gurgling. And straining to here the conversation which carried on whether or not I was drowning in bloody freezing water. One would think that because we were in the Caribbean, the water would be warm. But no, of course not. That would be considerate of God, to make warm water for me. And Lord knows that he'd never make things easy or comfortable for me...

…except for the fact that I _am _pretty rich…Goodness, I'm as spoiled at Elizabeth! 

"He didn't waste it!" Will said, catching a coin that I'd just registered that Jack threw. Wow I'm slow…I craned my head to look at him (seeing as how the rest of my body was no longer working). He had the last medallion in his hand (which was bleeding, OH NO! WILL'S BLEEDING!) And he dropped it into the stone thing with the rest of the coins. And then Barbossa made a big final performance and said, dramatically:

"I feel…cold,"

Gee, for last words, he sure rocks the world. 

And then, he died. 

And we all started singing and dancing and celebrating. Or we would have, I'm sure, if Elizabeth didn't pout and whimper and say "Ohh, I broke every single one of my nails! And this bruise! It'll never go away! And ewww, he's DEAD! AND I'M STILL IN THAT OFFICER'S RUDDY UNIFORM! Oh, Will, look, the cut on my hand opened up. Will you fix it?"

If I had any strength left, I would kill myself. But seeing as how I was well on my way to being dead, I was sure I would be able to wait it out for a few more minutes. I closed my eyes and fell face first in the water, and didn't breathe. I waited, counting, willing to bet all my inheritance that everyone (meaning Will and Jack) would rush over to inspect little Elizabeth's nails and bruises whilst I drowned in water that was so pleasantly mixed with my own blood.

Evidently, God wants me to lose my inheritance (that is, assuming by father did not disown me by now) and be poor. Because the next thing I know, someone is hoisting my roughly out of the water, much to my chagrin. I mean, FOR GOD'S SAKE PEOPLE, IF YOU ARE GOING TO SAVE MY LIFE, HAVE A HEART AND DO IT GENTLY!

But I couldn't scream all that because the whole cave was fuzzy and getting darker and darker by the second. Someone, whoever was holding me, walked over to Elizabeth. I could sense her scowl in the air. "Will?" I mumbled, feeling so dizzy that I thought I was dying. "Christina, wake up, don't go to sleep,"

Oh yes. Sleep is exactly what I am planning right now. Sleep. 

"I'm not, you numbskull. Why's it so dark? Damn it, Elizabeth, what did you do?" I slurred as hammers pounded my skull, which was somewhere down by my ribs by now. And then, whoever was holding me (I assume it was Will) had the nerve to _shake_ me. I opened my eyes and saw that it was indeed Will, with what is presumably "worry" in his eyes. But, in my current condition, I saw it as a some psychopath trying to make me die faster. "What are you doing! Stop, that hurts!" I whined. He smiled sadly (sadistically, and I _loved_ this guy?!) and said, "You have to stay awake, Christina, or you'll die," 

"And what are you so choked up about?" I muttered, holding onto his neck. It would be so easy to just_ strangle_ him right now, for shaking me like that. Now my ribs were on fire and I wanted to dieeeee….that's how much it hurt. Elizabeth, hating to be left out, piped up enthusiastically:

"We should be getting back to the Dauntless," 

Yes, let's go there, so I can hear my father say "I told you so, you stupid girl, this is what you get for gallivanting with pirates," I would not be surprised if he decided to hang me as a pirate. 

Will looked up at Elizabeth, sadness (even more than when he looked at me, and I was the dying one here. Shows you how much he treasures _my_ friendship) and resignation in his gaze. "Your fiancé will be wanting to know you're safe," 

Big bloody sigh.

Elizabeth looked away. "Let me down, Will, I can walk," I grumbled angrily, wanting to be as far away from him as possible. He let me down gently, his hand still on my wrist. LET GO LET GO! If he only _knew_ what a complete infuriating self-centered little witch Elizabeth could be…at least she's all promised off to Norrington, and Will could spend the rest of his life moping over her, or finding some other curly haired blonde with a nineteen inch waist to trot after. And I…I could either spend my time thinking about him and moping until I find another tall, dark, and handsome blacksmith who will completely and utterly ignore me. Or…I could set sail with Jack Sparrow and be a pirate.

Too bad I haven't actually decided yet…

"What's on your mind, luv?" Jack asked, swaggering up to where Will still held my wrist (annoyingly) as he watched longingly as Elizabeth climbed into the row boat. I looked at him, and at all the gold he had piled in his arms. "Nothing," I spat dejectedly, yanking my wrist back from Will, who looked at me, confused.

Confused! Honestly, as if I had not made myself _blatantly_ obvious on this _whole voyage_. I should smack him. If he and Elizabeth ever were given the chance to reproduce, I seriously doubt their offspring would possess the ability to speak. Or blink. Or breathe. That's how dumb they would be!

"Jack, do you think…well, when we get back to the Dauntless…there's really nothing for me at Port Royal anymore," I said slowly, trying to keep my voice from cracking and avoiding Will's eyes at all costs. "I mean, now that Elizabeth is getting married, and I don't have any suitors at all…d'you think that you could, maybe…"

Jack grinned, "Spit it out, pet," he said. I smiled. "Could you take me with you on the Pearl?" I asked. Before he could answer, Will said, "WHAT?!" I jumped, and then moaned as pain shot up and down my right side. I looked up at him to see his jaw clenching in anger. "What do you mean 'what?'" I asked. "You are not going to be a pirate, Christina," Will said. I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not?" I asked. He shook his head. Jack watched this all with avid interest. "Says who? My father? Norrington? You?" I said lowly. What did he _want_ from me? This was incredibly ridiculous! Were all men intent on ruling my life? Lording the fact that they were men - huzzah! - over my head forever? No wonder my mother ran away.

"Yes, me," he growled. I raised my chin. "And what are you going to do about it, Mr. Turner? Is there any particular reason that I should stay at Port Royal?" I asked. Knowing that his answer would not come. Because he didn't _have _one. And yet, I was hoping beyond anything that he'd tell me that he wanted me to stay. For him.

Will let out a breath slowly. "I didn't think so," I whispered, an odd feeling of de ja vu coming over me. I turned away as swiftly as I could without falling over and walked quickly to the row boat, where Elizabeth was waiting, trying to file her nails with her teeth.

"If you were looking for the opportune moment, mate," Jack said. "That was it. Now if you'll be so kind, I'd be much obliged if you'd drop me, and young Miss Christina, off at my ship," I smiled thinly. Away from Port Royal at last.

~*~

GOD HATES ME.

That is all. 

Those bloody pirates sailed off! Without their captain! And now I cant leave Port Royal, and what's worse, Jack is to hang as soon as we get back! Oh, I hate the Commodore, and I hate my father. We rowed back to the Dauntless, I sitting next to Jack and leaning on him, trying very hard not to cry. "I'm sorry, Jack," Elizabeth said, near tears herself (although that may have been because even after all this she still has to marry Norrington).

I took Jack's hand, "I'm so sorry," I whispered. He looked so…lost. It was so odd seeing _Captain_ Jack Sparrow looking so sad. I sighed angrily. "You are practically a hero! You'd think they'd let you off! I mean, without you, we'd never have gotten to rescue Elizabeth!" I said angrily.

"And how could they just leave you here?! They are terrible, horrible, no good -" I sputtered angrily. Jack squeezed my hand. "They're just doing what's right by them. Cant blame them for that," he said. "Oh, yes I can," I huffed. He smiled and pulled out something from inside his shirt. "Here you go, luv. I found it back there, and it reminded me of ye," he said, handing me a necklace made of black pearls. Outwardly they looked a bit dull, some more gray than black, and differing in size. Nothing like the perfect white pearls Elizabeth had snitched from back in the cave. 

"Oh…they're beautiful," I said, because they really were. Because each pearl was different and unique, and imperfect, it made them lovely. "How the hell did they remind you of me?" I snorted. He just glared at me. "Shut up, luv, and put 'em on," he said. I pulled back my hair and let him fasten the necklace onto my neck. "Now you're sure there isn't a curse on these, right Jack?" I asked, smiling. He shrugged. "Don't think so, luv," 

Will kept rowing, Elizabeth sitting next to him, shivering. I looked at her, completely stupefied. It wasn't cold anymore. Except, well, _I_ was cold. Most likely from the mortal wound I'd suffered, Which started to throb again. And from nearly drowning in ice cold water. But you wouldn't see me complained over something as insignificant as an eight inch gash in my side, or a couple of chills. Oh no, of course not. Not when _Elizabeth_ was cold.

"I'm hungry," Elizabeth pouted. I snickered.

"And I'm bleeding. Nice to meet you," I grumbled. Jack burst out laughing. "And I'm dead, as soon as we get to Port Royal," he said. I froze. "That is not funny!" I shouted, smacking him, and then wincing as pain shot up my side. Will said nothing, only kept rowing. Jack put his arm around my shoulder. "Jack," I said softly. He looked at me, his nose practically touching mine. "Yeah, luv?" he asked. Wow his lips were close…

"My ribs hurt," I whined. He sighed, "I know, luv, I know. We're nearly at the ship," he said. I nodded, "But I don't want to go to the ship. They'll hang you when we get back to the Port. Jack, I promise I'll do everything I can to get you out…" I said tearfully. Jack shook his head, "Don't ye be going gettin' yerself into trouble, pet. Penalty for breakin' a pirate out of jail is death," he said darkly. I swallowed hard, "Well, I've already done that." I said, looking hard at Will. He looked away uneasily.

Jack chuckled, "First time offenders, and yer the Governor's daughter. He wont see his own child be hanged," he said. I snorted. "You wanna bet?" I asked. Elizabeth clucked her tongue at me. "Christina, that is an awful thing to say, Father would never see you put to death," she said. "And I'm sure he wont let Will be hanged either," she added as an after thought.

"Never mind that, we're nearly there," Will muttered quietly, as we came up to the side of the Dauntless. Will moved out of the way so that Elizabeth could climb up. I noticed how she glared when he didn't offer to carry her, but Will was, oddly enough, looking at me. "How are you going to get up there, Christina?" he asked.

I smiled, "You tell me," I said tiredly, wincing again as I moved to stand up. Will bit his lip, trying to think of a way to get me up there without hurting me too badly. "Let me climb up there, and I'll pull her up once you carry her, mate," Jack said. Will nodded and moved towards me carefully in the small boat. Jack already had scurried up to the deck. 

Will held out his and I took it, trembling a bit. Will seemed to think it was from the pain, and he gently stroked the top of my hand. I shivered again. "Will, just don't drop me," I begged. He smiled, "I wont," he said, lifting me over his shoulder. I arched my back, trying to avoid putting weight on my middle, but it didn't work. "Will," I gasped, tears leaking out of my eyes. "I think I can do it myself. Just stay behind me or beside me so I don't fall," I said. He nodded and let me climb up by myself. My father and the Commodore was waiting, Elizabeth beside them. Jack grabbed my arm and steadied me as I nearly tumbled onto the deck, woozy from blood loss and exhaustion.

"Christina, what in God's name happened to you?" my father demanded worriedly. I looked up, my eyes crossing. Oh no, now there are two Commodores, two Elizabeths and two Fathers. I turned to Will and Jack…yay, two Wills and two Jacks! 

"She was fighting the pirates," Elizabeth said. My father sighed angrily, "What could have possessed you to do something so stupid?" he asked. I didn't have the strength to answer him but someone said (rather loudly) "She was trying to protect Elizabeth!" It was Will. I looked up, astonished.

"Christina, you don't know how to fight," my father said, blurry again. "Oh, ye'd be surprised, mate. I reckon she could mop the floor with ole' Norrington there," Jack said. I swayed on the spot and was instantly steadied by a pair of hands on each side of me.

"That's enough, take Mr. Sparrow to the brig. And Miss Swann to the cabins. Mr. Turner, you are welcome to go with her, just stay out of my sight. And Elizabeth, you may stay in my office, or on deck with me," the Commodore said sharply. Its all good, the world's fading into gray anyway. Gray filled with skeletons and pirates and blood, and Elizabeth crying and Jack at the gallows and Will looking stunning in a very nice hat with a feather. Nice soft feather…

~*~

I woke up what had to be several hours later, to a dull throbbing pain in my ribs and a blanket wrapped tightly under my chin. I had a new shirt and new pants…in fact, I seemed to be entirely clean. And in pain, a lot of pain.

"What happened?" I asked, wincing at how loud my voice was. "I didn't get drunk again, did I?" I moaned. I heard someone laugh quietly and press a cold cloth to my head. I shivered, and realized that I must have a fever. I opened my eyes, relieved to see that I was still in the dark cabin. There was practically no light. Good. Light is evil. 

"Will?" I whispered, my lips cracked and swollen. How beautiful. He nodded and pressed the cloth to my neck. It was then that I realized that if I was in _new_ clothes, and certainly did not have the ability to change myself…

"Will, where are my clothes?" I asked slowly. He raised an eyebrow, "You did not mean to keep those bloodstained rags, did you?" he asked. I glared at him weakly. "No. But how did I get _out_ of my clothes?" I asked. He chuckled again, making my heart skip a beat. "Jack and I helped. We cleaned you all up, and now we just have to get your fever to break," I felt my jaw drop, and clutched the blanket around myself.

"HOW DARE YOU, WILLIAM!" I shrieked, feeling my face flush, and looking wildly around the room. "JACK SPARROW YOU DEMON, YOU VILE…YOU SCOUNDREL! WHERE IS HE?!? WHERE IS JACK?!" I yelled. Will winced and ducked as I tried to hit him with the rag. 

"Ow! Stop!" he yelped, trying to fend of my assault

"How dare you! Get out get out get OUT!" I shouted. How _humiliating!_ "Jack Sparrow where are you so I can KICK YOUR BLOODY ARSE!!!" I screamed. 

"What are you screaming about, Christina?" I heard someone yell over my voice. It was Elizabeth, walking in and looking rumpled and angry. "Elizabeth, how could you let them undress me?! God knows how they molested me! Elizabeth!" I whined, even though I highly doubt that Will would have done anything, I didn't trust Jack. Even after all he had done for me.

"Christina, what are you talking about? They didn't undress you. You stupid twit, father made _me_ clean you up, and then have the doctor on board wrap up your wound. Do you honestly think Father would have allowed a pirate and…Will…to do such a thing?" she said.

This was somehow worse. My _sister?!_ EWWW!!!

"I don't know. You tell me. I'm still not sure if he's going to hang me or not once we get back to Port Royal," I sniffed. I glared at Will. "How dare you, you scared the life out of me! And now I'm in _pain_ again!" I said. Will looked apologetic, but started laughing after a few moments. "I'm sorry, Christina, I wanted to see your reaction. Would it have been so bad if Jack and I had -"

"Yes, it would have been so bad!" I roared. Which only served to make Will laugh harder, and Elizabeth storm out of the cabins angrily. "Calm down," Will said quietly, once he was able to breathe again (personally, I don't know what was so funny. But then, I am not a stupid, arrogant, perverted MAN.)

"Calm down? Don't even talk to me, Will. That was an awful joke you played on me. I'm injured! You're supposed to be nice to invalids!" I said, but breaking into a smile as he laughed again. I couldn't help it, I love to make him laugh. But he soon sobered, and looked around sadly. 

"You've been asleep for two and a half days. I was worried, the doctor said your wound was pretty bad," he said quietly, taking my hand. I looked up sharply. "Worried? Why would you worry?" I said, confused. "Elizabeth is safe now," I added quietly. Will looked at me, at a loss. "So what if she's safe now, do you think that just because she's okay I wouldn't care about you?" he asked. I shrugged, and winced. "Well, the most important thing is that she's safe, isn't it?" I replied. He looked positively distraught.

"Christina, you are my best friend! How could you think that I would forget about you just because Elizabeth is safe?" Ah, best friend. How lovely. It was in this moment that I had ceased to hope forever. I sighed and looked up at him sadly,, the pain in my heart far outweighing the pain in my side. 

"I'm sorry, Will, I'm still a bit woozy from the wound. It'll pass," I said. I tried to stretch, trying to wrap my mind around a lot of pieces of information at once. One, I would never be anything more to Will than a best friend and a fencing partner. Two, we were nearly at Port Royal, where Jack would be hanged. Three, I would live out the rest of my days at Port Royal, and die an old maid. Four, Elizabeth would be marrying the Commodore. And finally, the love I felt for Will didn't seem like it would fade.

~*~

It took another three days before we arrived at Port Royal, and I spent my days either in the brig, talking to Jack (on a handful of occasions, I had convinced one of the guards to actually let me into his cell so we could play cards), happily disobeying my father. Will would make me wake up early each day so that he could check my bandage (even though I told him it was entirely unnecessary considering we have a doctor on board, and I assured him that that doctor knew exactly what he was doing). Perhaps he just got a thrill from me lifting my shirt. Nasty minded little dolt.

Although it was quite amusing when Elizabeth walked in, screamed, and ran out.

I would not stay in the cabins all day, because it was far too boring. So I walked about the ship, antagonizing Norrington's men and making my father shout at me one numerous occasions. I may be twenty years old, but that doesn't mean I had to be mature about it.

Will and I would spend a lot of time together, while Elizabeth huffed about, following Norrington around as he explained to her about how happy he was that she had agreed to be his wife, and the four boys that she would give birth to. 

Out of the kindness of my heart, I stole her away from him as often as I could - once. She spent her time glaring at me as Will and I climbed (slowly) up to the little cup that I had been informed of as the "crow's nest". Will and I are really very immature.

But, it all had to end as Port Royal came into view. Will seemed sad and withdrawn, most likely because of Elizabeth's impending marriage. I, on the other hand was thinking only of Jack and all the ways I could possibly spring him from jail. An act that would surely get my killed, but better to die now than as an old maid, ye savvy?

No such luck. As soon as we were docked, my father had a carriage waiting for us and we were hustled back to that loathsome mansion. I was ordered to take a bath and be put into my very finest gown, as was Elizabeth. Then we would be taken to see Jack executed. I would not try to get out of it, as much as I knew that seeing Jack hanged would haunt me for the rest of my life. I would not just leave him. Nor would I obey my father and take off "those heathen pearls" that Jack had given me.

"Jack Sparrow , be it known that you have…" the official who was reading Jack's execution documents said. I cleared my throat loudly.

"Its _Captain_ Jack Sparrow," I said, glaring at all the head who turned my way. I raised my chin, ignoring how all the nobles and aristocrats and rich wig wearing men glared at me. I looked them right in the eye and refused to look away. Spineless gits.

"He is a Captain," I said. "One of the finest, if not the best, Captain's to ever sail in the Caribbean." Jack smiled at me from the podium where he stood. I nodded back, feeling tears press their way up to my throat. My father glared at me and nodded to the official to tell him to proceed.

"…for your willful position of crime against the crown. Said crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature. The most heinous of these to be cited herewith: piracy, smuggling…" the official droned on. I was so angry I was shaking.

"It's wrong," Elizabeth said. 

"Commodore Norrington is bound by the law. As are we all." my father said snootily. "I'll take the bloody law and shove it up your pampered and powdered arse!" I growled. My father took at breath and said in a low and "dangerous" voice. "If you do not watch your step, I shall disown you and take away all your inheritance and bestow it upon your sister." he said. I scoffed, "Do it then," I said. He opened his mouth, closed it, shook his head and turned back to where the official was still speaking.

My mind was racing, and I was shaking, now from desperation. There had to be something I could do! But I could hardly stand, let alone fight, and I wasn't even exempted from the corset, thought the wound in my side hadn't hardly healed at all! I noticed Will making his way through the crowd. He made his way to where we were standing, looking incredible in a ritzy sort of way (although I must admit that his sweaty blacksmithy half undone shirt way is also quite appealing). 

"Governor Swann, Commodore. Miss Swann. Christina," he said, nodding to each of us. He looked at Elizabeth, "I wish you well in your marriage, Miss Swann," he said. Then he looked at me, "You look beautiful," he said, before walking away.

Okay. What just happened?

Elizabeth's brow was furrowed in confusion, and I was blinking stupidly was Will hurried through the crowd. I glared as a few young "ladies" pulled handkerchiefs from the tops of their dresses, or fluttered fans at their bosoms. Honestly, they are no better here than at Tortuga!

Elizabeth, who was standing between my father and I, nudged me. In my side. I hissed in pain and tried to squirm away, but she grabbed my hand. "Look," she said, nodding discreetly. I followed her gaze, to where one of the soldiers was holding a banner, and shaking it. I looked at my sister and grinned. "Mr. Cotton's parrot!" I whispered, forgetting how she had just jabbed me in the ribs and probably made me bleed again. She grinned back at me, obviously having a thought in her oh so capable mind.

"Cant breathe!" she said, fainting. Aha! Good idea! "I'm bleeding!" I yelped and started swooning. My father, seeing as how Norrington was mooning over Elizabeth yet again, turned to me. "I'm bleeding, Father! I TOLD YOU THE CORSET WAS A BAD IDEA!" I shrieked.

He didn't know what to do, so I watched as Will ran through the crowd just as the trapdoor opened under Jack's feet. "JACK!" I screamed, as he fell. But something kept him standing, and I squinted. Will was there! He had done that trick with the sword, where he threw it and it got stuck in the plank right under the trap door. Jack was alive!

Elizabeth popped up and I grabbed her hand. Together we watched as Will and Jack fought off guard after guard. 

But there were too many soldiers, and they were doing their jobs for once, damn them! Will and Jack were surrounded, and Norrington rushed forward with my father. Elizabeth and I hurried after, she was taking the time to be considerate and walking slower than the situation demanded, because I thought I was indeed bleeding again. Or at least in a considerable amount of pain.

"I thought we might have to endure some manner of ill conceived escape attempt but not from you," Norrington was saying. I tried to get to Will, but Elizabeth held tightly onto my arm. "Not yet," she mouthed. "On our return to Port Royal , I granted you clemency and this is how you thank me? By throwing in your lot with him? He's a pirate!" my father said angrily. 

"And a good man." Will said stoutly. Jack nodded and pointed to himself proudly. "And if all I have achieved is that the hangman will have two pairs of boots instead of one, so be it. At least my conscience will be clear," Will said. My stomach dropped. Oh no, if Will was to be hanged, then either they'd hang me as well, or I'd jump (and with my luck, I'd be the only one who'd fallen and died among the rocks). I struggled to stand my Will and Jack again, but Elizabeth held me still. She shook her head.

"You forget your place, Turner," Norrington said. That's it, I cant take it anymore. "Did it ever _occur_ to you that he's doing the right thing?!" I said angrily. Will looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. "It's right here, between you and Jack," Will said. I shook off my sister's arm. "And my place, Father, is here. Between you and Will, where it has always been," I said, standing beside Will and raising my chin. Oh, if looks could kill, I'd be a medical miracle. Or my father would be a murderer.

"As is mine," Elizabeth said. Oh, hell. The _one_ time I try to play the heroine, and she steals all the attention. Again.

"Girls! Lower your weapons! For goodness sake, put them down!" my father ordered. The soldiers hastily complied. The Commodore looked at Elizabeth for a long moment. "So, this is where your heart truly lies?" he asked. She raised her chin, and I realized how alike my sister and I really were. Needless to say I nearly died of this revelation on the spot.

"It is," she said. Sigh.

"Well!" Jack said, clapping his hands together to break the tension. "I'm actually feeling rather good about this. We've reached a special place... Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically." he told my father. "I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that," he assured the Commodore. "Elizabeth …it would never have worked between us, darling. I'm sorry." he said to her. She looked at him as if he were mad. "Will …nice hat," he finished. He turned to me. "Christina, luv, you wont have to stay here, I promise. I'll come back and kidnap you properly in a few weeks," he said. I smiled sadly and nodded, "Hurry," I mouthed, and he winked, all the while backing up. 

"Men! This is the day that you will always remember as the day that you –" and then he fell over the wall. Evidently, all pirates are horrible at goodbye statements. I mean, "I feel cold,"? Come on now…

"Idiot. He has nowhere to go but back to the noose. What's your plan of action? Sir?" one of the soldiers said. I sighed, staring glumly at where Jack has just been. Perhaps I should have followed him…

"Perhaps on the rare occasion of pursuing the right course demands an act of piracy, piracy itself can be the right course?" my father suggested, looking at the Commodore. "Mr. Turner," Norrington said. I tensed. Oh, he wasn't going to be a prick _now_ was he? "I will accept the consequences of my actions," Will said, resigned. He glanced at my sister, stab me now. And then he looked hard at me. Gulp. 

"This is a beautiful sword. I would expect the man who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life," 

Oh yes, because Mr. Brown takes so much care and devotion in drinking and getting drunk.

"Thank you," Will said. Ohh….so Norrington isn't as stupid as he looks. They stared at each other for a few moments, and then the Commodore backed down. Elizabeth was off the hook, and no longer promised to Commodore Norrington. Well, that was decent of him. I blinked stupidly. Now she was free to marry Will. 

"Commodore! What about Sparrow?" that same annoying lieutenant asked. "I think we can afford to give him one day's head start." Norrington replied, walking off to do some map reading or what not. Ahh! All this decency, first from my father, then from the Commodore. I wouldn't be surprised if Elizabeth started handing out all her jewels to the townspeople in five second's time.

Actually, I would be surprised. The sky would have to fall before that happened.

"So, this is the path you've chosen, is it? After all, he is a blacksmith," my father said. God, why couldn't he be a sensible rich father and forbid her from marrying him?! I looked away and walked over to where Jack and tumbled, and saw the Pearl waiting for him. Under normal circumstances, if I jumped, I could manage to swim there. But not with this dress, and not with my stupid gash in my side. God hates me.

"No, he's a pirate," Elizabeth was saying. I couldn't help it, and I turned around. She was all wrapped around him, looking so romantically typical with the sunset behind her and both of them most likely silhouetted against the sky and the horizon. But then, something happened that quite literally nearly gave me a heart attack. Will hesitated to put his arms around her waist. He reached one hand up and gently touched her face. "I'm sorry, Miss Swann," he said. Then he looked at me over my sister's shoulder. 

This _never_ happened. Usually men looked over my shoulder at her. What the hell is going on? Is the sky falling?! Is Elizabeth giving all her riches away to charity?! Will stepped back from Elizabeth and made to walk towards me. People must stop doing this to me. I swear I'm going into cardiac arrest…

He walked up to me and took my hand. My father looked puzzled, Elizabeth looked shocked. Not nearly as shocked at I was, though. "This is where my heart lies," Will said. "With you, Christina. And I would be honored if you would be my wife,"

_WHAT?!_

"What?!" Elizabeth shrieked. I nodded, "My thoughts exactly, Will, what the hell are you _talking_ about?" I asked. He blinked. "I think I just asked you to marry me," he said. I nodded again, "Yes, I got that. But _why?!_" 

"Because I love you, Christina."

"_HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, WILLIAM? _You loved my sister ever since you _saw _her, and now you have the chance to marry her, and you're proposing to _me?"_ I sputtered. Will looked a little taken aback, but nodded. "Yes. Christina, on this…quest, for lack of better word, to save your sister, I realized that I didn't know her at all. And you were right, how could I be willing to die for someone I barely knew? But I do know you, and I would die for you, because I love you…and if what Jack told me is true, you love me too,"

I shall kill Jack Sparrow. Right after I thank him.

"Yes, I do," I said, getting very typically teary eyed. Will smiled and grabbed me, holding me close. "Then say you'll marry me," he said, his forehead pressing against mine. I laughed, "I will!" I cried joyfully, trying to ignore how Elizabeth started gasping, and fanning herself frantically, and then fainting from the corset and the shock of Will choosing _me_ over _her_. Though I must say, I was right with her there. The boy's gone mad. 

Will hugged me and spun me around and then kissed me on the lips, and I wasn't quite sure if I was dreaming or not, but it felt real enough. When he pulled away, I grinned so wide I thought my face would break. I turned to look at the Pearl, still hovering in the bay. I saw a tiny form of Jack waving at me, and I waved back and shouted:

"You don't have to come back for me, Jack. I'm staying here!" Even if he didn't hear me, I think he understood, because he waved again and then the Pearl set sail, getting smaller and smaller in the horizon. I turned back to Will to see him smiling at me, holding my hand and pulling me closer. I still wasn't entirely sure this was real, but when he said "I love you," again, it was as loud and clear as a sweet-nothinged whisper could be. 

And then to prove it, he kissed me.

**The End.**

~*~

A/N: Ahh, the end. This is the first story that I have ever finished, go me!!! I hope you liked it, and don't worry there is definitely going to be and epilogue. And maybe even a sequel, 'cause I loved writing HTSAHFYPQOTCS!!!

And you know it occurred to me that even thought this may have started out as a "Mary- Sue" (because the main character was named Christina) its not really me. She's done things that I'm not capable of doing (fencing for example. I *so* have to take lessons), said things I wouldn't have said (like yelling at Will for "undressing" her haha), and worn things I don't wear (corset. Although I want one!!!) 

But before I can write a sequel, I have to write (or rewrite) Be Strong (cuz it sucks) and a story I promised to my separated-at-birth-fellow-writer, Laura. Its all very hush hush. SO, now that I FINALLY finished a story, I have to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all my reviewers, I've gotten so many more reviews than I ever anticipated, and you guys ROCK!!!! **_THANK YOU!!!_**

Love always,

-C.r.y.s.t.y.n.a.

  



	14. Epilogue: The Howto Guide

Title: How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister

Author: Whose ff.net account are you currently at? Here's a hint, starts with a C and ends with a rystyna…

Disclaimer: That disclaimer was getting a bit boring wasn't it? Time for a new one! *pulls out magic curling iron* Will Turner, awaken and be mine!!! Poster, poster on the wall: Who's the fairest one of all?

Will Turner Poster: Elizabeth Swann!

Crystyna: Wrong answer babe. *burns poster of Elizabeth, does psychotic death-to-Elizabeth dance*

Will Turner: *faints*

Crystyna: Well, while he's sleeping…*turns to Jack Sparrow poster*

Jack: Don't look at me, luv.

****

0.o

…Yeah…and so I don't own anything remotely pirate related…

Summary: Elizabeth has a sister (called Christina) and they are complete opposites. Call it a Mary Sue if you must, frankly I don't give half a starved rat's ass. Or half of any rat's ass for that matter, even a fed and tamed one. Pro-Elizabeth don't read.

A/N: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for….the epilogue!

~*~

How To Snag A Hottie From Your Prom Queen Of The Caribbean Sister

1) You don't necessarily have to be as pretty or as skinny or as blonde as your sister, mind you. If the hottie is worth snagging, he wont be _too_ distracted by her looks.

2) Save him off of a piece of driftwood in the middle of a crossing from England.

3) Let your sister be her usual kleptomaniac self and steal his locket, the sticky fingered wench.

4) Don't tell him about her pick pocketing.

5) He'll most likely fall in love with her the moment lays his eyes on her. Do not be fooled by this, it's a normal reaction. In fact, the chump will be so stumped by her radiant appearance, he'll never get the guts to actually talk to her…which could actually work both ways, 'cause if he ever got to know her, he wouldn't like her anyway. 

6) Over the course of twelve years, sneak out of your neglecting father's house, and take lessons in swordsmanship from said hottie. Not only will this allow you the chance to get to know him (and him to know you), but you will also get to see him looking sweaty, and if you're _really_ lucky, he might just take off his shirt. ^-^

7) Its okay if by the time you're both twenty, he still thinks he loves her. Sometimes hotties can be very slow.

8) When the Port where you live gets attacked by pirates, don't be dumb and hide in the closet with your moronic sister. Although you are biologically related (and in some cases, this is very very hard to believe) you are usually the smart one. Jump out the window instead. _Do_ make sure you try to convince your idiot sister to come with you (or at least make sure you tell the hottie that you tried…)

9) Go on a quest to find her. _Don't_ let the your prey try to convince you otherwise. (Men frequently try this. It makes them feel strong and powerful. They really are so fragile).

10) Make sure your quest leader is hot as well. That way, when he finds some vague interest in you, the hottie will feel jealous. Mostly because deep down, he knows he loves you. The fact that you are not twirling your hair around your fingers for most of the day has him confused. It'll pass.

11) When challenged to a duel by a bitchy female pirate, say yes, and then kick her sorry arse. It is sure to make you look slightly cooler your admirer (i.e. the hottie. Yes, he _does_ admire you, he just doesn't know it yet). Also, he will pride himself on teaching you well. Proceed to kick his arse as well. Then, when challenged to a duel with your esteemed Captain…end up in a draw. Out of good manners of course, 'cause Lord knows you would have swabbed the deck with him if it wasn't for the fact that you won two duels already.

12) When you encounter your sister again, she'll be all over the hottie. Let her. But hug him first and let him know how glad you are to know that he's safe (he went and rescued her after all, and put himself in grave danger). Sometime around this point, he'll discover the proof that his dad was a pirate and be filled with self-loathing blah blah and make a move on you. Be all righteous and say, "Save it for my sister," It'll make a good impression, even though you'd rather pounce on him and shag him rotten. Wait. There will be time for that later. ^-^

13) Okay, this part gets confusing. The evil pirates that attacked the Port and kidnapped your sister re-enter and try to blow up the ship you are on. You get kidnapped by those nasty suckers, and the ship blows up, with the hottie on it. Throw a fit, but he's not dead. When he arrives on the skanky pirate ship, be all heroic and try to save his life by saying that you're his sister and that he's married to YOUR sister. That wont work, but it'll make him see how much you love him. You'll get marooned on an island with your bratty sister and a perpetually drunk Captain and be all said and you'll get such a hangover that it'll keep you away from alcoholic beverages at least until your impending wedding with the hottie of your specific Port. You'll also have a heart to heart with your sister, but don't be fooled. She'll turn on you once she thinks that you are a threat to her chances of getting the hottie (which you are, but she never thought of that because she's a self centered little prat, now isn't she?)

14) You get saved by Royal Navy Morons, and throw a fit to your father, who tosses you in the stupid Commodore's quarters. He is such a stupid git. Your sister decided to say that she is gonna marry the stupid Commodore, in order to save YOUR hottie. Hug your sister, she rocks, just for a moment. But she turns on you again, and you decide to leave to SINGLE HANDEDLY save, YOUR hottie. But of course, she decides that the meaning of "single handedly" means "with four hands" and tags along. 

15) You hide while you watch your hottie almost get killed. Luckily, Captain Drunk interferes and stalls you for time while you kill a rock with a gold gun. Then there is lots of fighting, and your hottie is mercifully taken away from the knife that would slit his throat. And then there is more fighting, and your sister decides to be all heroic, taking the spotlight away from you again. But…you have a trick up your sleeve as well!

16) Get stabbed and wounded so that the only thing your stupid sister can say is "I broke my nails," Now the attention _has_ to be put on you. 

17) Eventually you'll get back to Port Royal where the best Captain in the Caribbean is about to be hanged. Don't worry, your hottie will show up (looking absolutely lickable in his ensemble, with a very sexy feather). He'll save the Captain in the last moment, and they'll fight the Royal Navy Idiots, but there will be too many Idiots for your hottie and the equally hot Captain. And your sister has to act like a heroine again and put herself between YOUR hottie and the stupid Commodore, who is -need we say- her _fiancé_. You sister isn't known for her loyalty.

18) Once the Captain gets away successfully, walk away glumly and look at the ship. You'll sort of wish that he took you with him, because the Commodore had to pick the most inopportune moment to start being human, and he's letting your sister off the hook. She no longer has to marry him. But your hottie will become aware of his feelings for you, and he'll proclaim his love for you, and reject your sister, thereby sending her into cardiac arrest. Your hottie will propose and you will ask him what the hell he's thinking (because, even though you knew all along that he would be madly in love with you, you mustn't let on). After he proclaims his love a few more times (1,542,931,479,234 times would be enough…) say yes. Then proceed to snog your hottie happily.

Stir.

Bake.

Repeat.

Serves any number of infatuated teenage girls.

****

The End.


End file.
